bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №104689
 28.10.2014
and he. The links they do not see))) the wood on the moth is curved, the controller of the southern port does not understand where to feed, is treated by reinstalling wood on the moth! Coté, odmin, the bearded sweater :-P

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104688
 28.10.2014
Opening of Yandex
Noisee
1st Rospotrebnadzor found out that lice are transmitted through selfies
Closed Yandex

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104687
 28.10.2014
See also: The library. Now a woman comes in, I approach, I ask, "what you wanted". I’m looking at the "MVD" I am already preparing to panic - there is no boss, and there is the police.
And I get a shy smile: "I am from the police... can I use your toilet?"

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №104686
 28.10.2014
xxx: I played almost 2 months ago what to do?
YYY: A shorter guy, you are looking for a job, you are bragging for 5 days a week, and so about a year, you find a girlfriend, you bragging for another year, then a wedding-figured, well there and the children, you are taking a loan, you are taking / buying housing, you are making children, and at this rate another year two.When you are tired of bragging, there is a romance on the side, then the wife will arrange scandals / intrigues / investigations well you are briefly filing for divorce, paying alimony until the end of the days and don't forget to brag
(Alternative ending: copy the grandmother, and gather a group of young but ambitious programmers, make your social network Muchachos well and cut down on this billions and then go around the world on your yacht and shoot a biographical film (for my comment do not forget to shoot the scene))
In short, this is happiness and good!

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №104685
 28.10.2014
The father came (already very old, with a compilation on "you"), asks:
"Listen, my granddaughter was printing something in Chinese on the computer, and when I asked her where she knew Chinese, she was upset.
I stumbled:
I told her that wood on my Linux printer needs to be searched for a long time! It doesn’t have the code!
I know, my father is serious.
Now I am surprised:
and yes? What exactly did you understand?
That the use of a large number of incomprehensible words leads to Chinese symbols on paper!

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №104684
 28.10.2014
Life is richer than imagination. Could we have imagined that the Japanese would shake the portrait of the Russian prosecutor?? to

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №104683
 28.10.2014
I learned how easy it is to understand the tendencies of children :D
We sometimes arrange crafts at home - I give them stick plates, hammer, nails.
Today, the daughter (8 years old) made a pencil, the son (6 years old) - a large cross for the cross, and the other daughter (4 years old) - a rifle.
It is impossible to describe the character of these people more accurately.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104682
 28.10.2014
Status: Many people know me, but only a few people know who I am.
The word is fat, yeah?

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №104681
 27.10.2014
My aunt's sister has arrived.
When I crossed the street, four cars collided. So she ran.
xxxh: in the courtyard began to melt the leaflets - turned the refuelled gas generator, which we and the men wearing four
To burn a horse in the wool is like two fingers on the asphalt.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №104680
 27.10.2014
Everything in this life is relative.
1) Forced to wear a suit, it is cold on the street, it is cold at the meeting, even this one asked in the evening to go home to say goodbye... even on the way a minute to wait for a gift to a friend to buy, well what a day... Well, no direct words.

2) I accidentally met the former near this store, and the light is like that between the matter - "you are super" (the guy did not refuse and waited) and presses the box to the chest... And I even such in a suit opened her door in the car... Well, no direct words = )

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №104679
 27.10.2014
The woman, on the phone, strictly:
Have you walked? In the coat? In the pants? Without the pants? Well, Yura, how many times you have to repeat – wear your pants! If you get a cold, go to the veterinarian.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №104678
 27.10.2014
Monday, six o’clock in the evening, until the end of the day, an hour, hellishly want to eat. First I say it out loud, then I go to my favorite colleague, ask for a cake. She gets bread out of the box, and at the same time suddenly everything comes in motion, vanity begins, the shell of packs. In one second, my hands stretch from all sides to me: in one pack of cookies, in the other marmelade, in the third a banana. In the utmost ecstasy I collect unexpected generous gifts, whispering “thank you, girls, thank you, cute, give a kiss, good...”. Here the boss comes out of the office, breaks off the phone, looks at this vaccanal and says: "Well, you are straight Stas Mikhailov after the concert"... I couldn't calm down.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №104677
 27.10.2014
Department of Women’s Clothing.
Angry grandmother speaks to the saleswoman.
Do you offer all black, all grey? I am not in the grave, I wear it.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104676
 27.10.2014
...One of my friends, working at home as a freelancer, sits exclusively on a large sports ball, so that the foot on the foot is not thrown and not crumbled. With computers, scoliosis is the norm.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104675
 27.10.2014
10:50PM theFguy:...max axis 56: all the fucking system in the cloud, or the cloud in another cloud, and this big cloud is just a p*zzzz, in the hole in the big, the h*zza!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104674
 27.10.2014
People get easier to sleep if they don’t know what’s being discussed.
WOW: I thought about it.
Zzzz: This is what a living creator does!

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104673
 27.10.2014
In ancient times, 86 computer processors worked with either a mouse or a printer. The algorithm must be strictly followed.
-
The one who said this to you, see a joke from the older generation and greatly divided.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104672
 27.10.2014
Men who think women dress very slowly just didn’t get them with their lover.
YYY: Women who think computers are very slow just didn’t get them with admin
YY: 1 to 1

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104671
 27.10.2014
When the author’s name matches the content of the book, say, hold five copies from me.
"Forensic medicine and forensic psychiatry" Vyacheslav Semenovich Paukov, Nikolai Nikolaevich Živoderov GEOTAR MEDICINE, 2000

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №104670
 27.10.2014
This spring we went hunting with friends and before leaving one of our older comrades told us that vanilla helps from musk. Well, we bought food vanilla and baby cream and went.
Upon arrival at the site, they found a wild number of these mosquitoes and decided to try a new remedy, mixed vanilla with baby cream and soaked everything that came out of under the clothes.
With us was the wife of one of us - a boy-girl, with camouflage manicure, passed with us fire and water! And here, three days later, she returns from a campaign for mushrooms, enters the house and observes the picture: there are four healthy bearded barbs sitting in cartridges, knives, camouflages, swamps with guns, ready to go out to the star, all again anointed with vanilla, but all these days no one was washed, because. Everywhere, all the time sweated, crashed into the swamp and drank, snacking salt with garlic.
So, when she went in and tasted this hellish mixture of vanilla, vanilla and garlic, she said to her husband, "Home, please, never buy me anything vanilla again, or it will tear me out!"

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