bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №74167
 12.12.2012
Replacement of lost toys in a child

So my parents tried to deceive me with a puppy, supposedly he flew away, and then returned (in fact, he was eaten by a cat, and bought a new one). The deception was immediately uncovered by my sister, and then by me.

But, by the way, the new poppy was much cooler than the old one, he liked during the feast to spit the remnants of some alcohol from adult glasses, to spit the green onion from some salad and, sitting on his shoulder and smelling the garlic, say: "Mom came. Will you drink tea?"

Then I knocked him by the door.

[ + 118 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74166
 12.12.2012
Yesterday I sat behind my compass, I didn’t touch anyone, the sister suits:
This is all your influence! No longer approach the child.
I explain, the child is my 8-year-old nephew, her son. The statement is surprising because I am constantly crucifying from him as much as I can, and he is forcing me to do lessons there or something else. I drive with him a lot. Here is such a statement. I even thought I heard.
What is?
I want to get closer to Vanessa!
Glad, but what happened?
There was some psychotherapy in the school. Well, when a aunt (uncle) comes to the class, asks the children silly questions and, based on the answers, makes conclusions about development, the state of the psyche, and then converses with the parents. I continue not to enter.
Well and what?
- He was asked "Who is grazing on the lawn?" And you know what he replied?
What is?
Prepare for the rage!

Dart

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №74165
 12.12.2012
MeLaJkOo: In our work, we selected new projects, selected 5 people with the most comprehensive presentations. Well, so four came out, I go out, with an important view, I connect the projector to the notepad, I start broadcasting. Here, a dialogue window pops up, where my friend writes: Fuck, Mihan, the shorter of these yesterday's pins are not pins at all, and they are not stewardesses... And in this sense, his monologue continued with mine, well, I quickly sealed up the popping windows on the canvas and went on. And I understood that something wasn’t right only by the close eyes of people sitting in the room, who looked not to the canvas with the schemes of my presentation, but to my white shirt with monologues of my comrade (((
MeLaJkOo: But the project was approved, regretted, probably...

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74164
 12.12.2012
At the end of Max Payne 2, even those who laughed at the end of Hachiko laughed!! to

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №74163
 11.12.2012
xxx: Found archive behind a package with old shoes of dismissed employees

yyy: from this phrase waves Buchenwald

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №74162
 11.12.2012
Ohhhhh, the cat!
You are absolutely
We do not call you human.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74161
 11.12.2012
The boss called me "a miracle"
Congratulations to you 😉
Oh, a miracle you are, says the rectal! And went away! I am in Aachen. and the secretary says it’s not scary yet that he once called her the “ovulatory sheep,” and nothing, they’ve been working together for the fifth year...

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №74160
 11.12.2012
I decided in which centuries to make a house in German.
She opened a textbook (Soviet, 1985), exercise: translate the story into German: In the winter evenings the family sat at the table. We drank tea, talked about books, about work. Aunt Anna came after the concert, sat down at the piano, quietly sang. The lamp hanged low above the table. It was warm and comfortable. Then my mother died." O_O closed the textbook

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №74159
 11.12.2012
After three years of divorce, she decided to return to her ex-wife. In the first week of my life together again I remembered why I loved her :). After a month I remembered why I got divorced :(

[ + 32 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74158
 11.12.2012
How? How is? she cleaned the glass - broke the rear door, tried to repair and broke the broken part.
Is he with you?
No, I lost him.
Fuck me, my masha.

and MV

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №74157
 11.12.2012
A conversation in the kitchen:

“Well, for example, Juliet was 14 years old, what’s the problem?
- Oh, Romeo said - don't lie down, until 16 - no-no, he in response - yes to me, I want to, his knife and shot.
This is the shortest Shakespeare story I’ve ever heard.)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №74156
 11.12.2012
My husband is the head of a newly established department. Therefore, he actively manages the recruitment of employees. I found a leaflet at home, a telephone number and a signature - students of pedicure 2 pieces.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74155
 11.12.2012
Remember the difference between "we eat" and "we eat".
"Edem" is "eat", and "eat" is "moving", and "we eat in the bus" means that we eat in it, but not the fact that we have at least moved from place!

[ + 56 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74154
 11.12.2012
I thought, after the lighting loci from the shaurma, my wife could not surprise me with anything. How naive I was.
The morning. Early 5 hours. I sleep. Suddenly something joyfully jumps and cries upon me. I open one eye and see a woman licking from ear to ear:
and Murzick! The Moroccan!! The cane is working!! Rraah, I will now eat you as a female godmother!
He pretends to bite my head.

That’s how from all this I should have understood that she’s expecting a baby??! to

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №74153
 11.12.2012
Commentary on ZH:

> or to roast or to cry. As long as I crawl and crawl.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №74152
 11.12.2012
What do you know about savings? Washing the plastic bags of the child’s leather compared to the actions of my brother’s wife. She washes all the white in the laundry machine, hangs it in the bath, gathers all the water, then pouches it back and washes the colored things in that water. Then repeat the procedure and wash the black already! I asked her about the toilet paper. I was offended.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №74151
 11.12.2012
In the words of Father:
I remember when I was working at the factory, the head of the shop was constantly drinking. That is to say, it was only necessary to approach him on important issues until noon - after him no one. And there was a master - a man already under 70, with golden hands. I could pull out a metal chain. I also drank regularly in the morning.
So, at the end of the work shift, two loneliness met. (M) Aster says to the leader:
M: Felix, I need a mark!
N (long looking at it): Yes... We have few buttons...
Pause for 30 seconds
M: Felix, I don’t need much! I need one!"

[ + 16 - ] Comment quote №74150
 11.12.2012
Aaa: I love you, little girl =* hug yourself for me before going to bed ;)
BBB: I will embrace you :* take me off before I go to bed :DDDD

[ + 31 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №74149
 11.12.2012
Anatoly: And that’s good.
fucking
I don’t want to wait for N27.
I want you. and sweets
I will grind you with crumbs.
and honey.
and chocolate
and shrinking
and caramel.
Sugar Powder
Cook in the oven for 25 minutes.
Anna: Thank you very much.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №74148
 11.12.2012
Chat guild of one MMORPG:
Stalin is accepted into the Guild "Red"
Christ has risen, friends!
Stalin is excluded from the Guild "Red"

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