xxx: I wonder, those people who portray bodies in movies write about it in their resume?

Mom asked to buy her a gardening magazine, it was inserted sticker for room flowers with inscriptions. And here am I among every "Field of me", "Do not lay on the leaves", "I need a lot of water" suddenly I see - "Talk to me", "Protect me from the sun", "I need care"...

I want to take them and stick them to myself. I need that too.

Comments on the slogan of the Olympic Games in Sochi:
XXX is hot. The Winter. yours
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?

The car was driving in front, and in the back, on a dirty glass, it was written -"ALKASHI CONTRA DROGS".

Do you believe in Santa Claus?
WOW : No. I asked him to accept me to Hogwarts, but at the age of eleven I was accepted only in fifth grade.

xxx: today noticed: my self-learning spell checker stopped emphasizing the word "take off"...

Talk to a girl (D):
D: I have stronger, dominant genes because if we have children, they will have brown eyes and dark hair. 
I: Not a fact. 
D: I will argue.

I never tried to divorce. OOO

From the news:
"... the company released socks with search function."
The future has arrived

I wanted to make a good impression on you at first.
To make an impression is not your task, but my cognitive mechanism.
I didn’t know at the time what you were from philosophy... you should have a book to wear.

Today I understood the phrase "fighting with cockroaches"...
In the morning there are some "Pidora"!

Mother: What is your favorite teacher?
Child is computer. The man who half-class complains that Skyrim takes up a lot of space and has 60 monks in the Third Diablo.

The first couple. Each student sows and calls his name, the age of the city from which he came.
The girl and the boy named the single and the same village, and answered in succession.
Re: So you will get married.
A man, in the sense?
6 years you will pull her bags, parents will meet, and then without you everything will be resolved.
Girl - We studied in the class.
Prep - a nightmare, it will not even be an erection!

Tomorrow I go to a friend for his daughter’s first birthday.
WOW: How much is done?
The first one! ?! to

xxx: guys and ladies of paghalust tell where to start learning programming and from which language to start
You are from Russian.
BBB: from Russian
Start with Russian
Yyy: Pascal for example
YYY: Oh sorry
C is Russian.! to

The more often you tell the truth, the thicker the case against you.

Yulia decided to become an adult and use a deserved vacation for it. No smiles, no discos at the Turkish hotel. She decided to take a mortgage. And burden yourself with a small but cozy apartment, involving in this operation your own and parental savings, and, at the same time, the duty of regular payments to the bank.
To be precise, the beginning of the story happened a little before the start of the holiday. A bank was selected, certificates were collected, an apartment was found. Some nerves and voila. The documents were handed over for registration, the money was transferred by the bank to the seller of the apartment, and Yulka became the owner of the keys from the new dwelling. The former owner asked for the month required to register the transaction to take things out. And here, a month has passed, and the joyful apartment owner goes to feel what it feels like to have her own cozy corner. His own fortress. Improve their housing independence.
It enters the already familiar entrance. He climbed to a famous floor.
At first it seemed to her that she was on the wrong floor. He went up, he went down. I checked the numbers on the neighboring door. Then the last doubts disappeared. Her stronghold of housing independence, her fortress, barely becoming her fortress, immediately fell.
The former owner, a small caretaker, honestly fulfilled the promise and left, took out the things. Moreover, in the number of things, in his opinion, in addition to socks, socks and shorts included all the doors (including the entrance), all the sanitary equipment, all the windows and those wallpapers that he was able to remove from the walls. From the wall at the entrance, an electric meter was ripped, the naked wires sadly hanged in the niche.
The swollen Yulka stood in the middle of a cozy nest and grabbed the air with her mouth.
However, there is nothing to do, and the apartment owner felt that the property was not only the good of honestly purchased concrete meters, but also a burden that fell by a heavy yoke on the young neck. Having nailed the iron concrete plate with a blind window hole, Yulka called acquainted builders, who promised to lend to the entrance door by tomorrow, and went to the insurance company to write a statement on the insurance case.
The insurance company welcomed him coldly. Do you have mortgage insurance? If, for example, you missed the entrance door or the windows there, then of course, you would have paid. Probably there will be rejection. “What do you have there, flood?”
“I just missed the entrance door and windows,” Yulka said. Half of the insurance company went to see this spectacle instead of the usual one person. Insurers wandered and kicked their heads, and Yulka was already moving toward the police (it was not possible or meaningful to close the apartment after the departure of all the curious).
Police officers, as well as insurers, were quietly swollen by the story. Then they made sure that the current date and day of the week Yulka knows firmly, does not produce alcoholic scents, also made an excursion to the facility. After that, they agreed to accept a claim for theft. Given that the new residence of the seller of the apartment was known, and the applicant is sympathetic, the disclosure of the theft promised to be an easy and pleasant occupation.
After some time, after obtaining all the necessary documents, the investigator and the interested citizens who joined went to the residential address of the reservoir. Some disappointment they experienced at the entrance. The entrance was shaken by the mother’s screams and trembled by the sounds of crushing objects of the interior. The disappointment intensified when all interested parties were convinced that the sounds came from the apartment they intended to make happy with their visit.
Wisely deciding not to be hot, the investigator knocked at the neighbors and began to find out the cause of the entrepreneur carnival. Neighbors explained that the subject of vital interest of the police drinks the third day and destroys everything it can reach. “They are dogs again! Nonchristi!" - explained the word-loving retiree from the apartment in the opposite, "in the fool they have long to give up. We previously lived in Alkaška alone, so we took her away. They need them!”
Meanwhile, something had to be done, and the police boldly knocked into the destroyed apartment. In response, after a minute of shooting, a gunshot hit the iron door from the inside of the apartment. The door stood up, was shot with a crack, but the desire to enter into the discussion among law enforcement officials was noticeably reduced. As a result, they called for force support, removed the door and tied the hot guy. In the apartment were found the windows and doors removed in the apartment, as well as a toilet not connected to anything. On that toilet in the hallway was sitting naked drunk in the smoke owner of the apartment with a gun overweight and oral that alive will not give up.
The mentioned neighbor Lyudka closed from the inside in the bathroom and lay inside the iron bath, discovering a considerable experience of behavior in similar situations. Where she was found by a capture group, pale, shaking and in a coat.
The material values stolen from the Yulkina apartment during the assault were scattered into dust and dust, they are not subject to reinstallation in the native nest, the insurers paid compensation. Overall, it ended more or less well.
Not to mention the moral losses. :)

The female logic is to wait for the prince, and then to be upset that he lies on the couch and doesn’t shrink like a worker or a peasant.

Mom: Alice, until you get married, you can’t be smart, fool!

Not my, but I am pleased:

The first letter of my son:
"It is not a cigarette. I’ve gotten a kidney"))

Wendigo: Have you turned the cat in the morning?
[11:09:56] Dmitry Safarov: What is the world like not a cat that rotates endlessly?
[11:12:22] Wendigo: and what we are. compared to the wonderful moment when you see that the cat has turned over!
Dmitry Safarov: they say: if you want to live, know how to turn the cat
[11:13:20] Wendigo: Without casting a cat, you will not catch a fish from a pond
[11:14:09] Dmitry Safarov: quieter you turn - further you will be
[11:14:33] Wendigo: you love to ride - love and cat to turn