bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №66466
 03.07.2012
What is happening to modern children in schools?
He went into the affairs of the children's hospital - on the couch near the chamber sit 2 squads of 12 years old
They talk quietly and I hear:
Lenka didn’t help you because you hit her in the ass.
2: well
You got a parachute. This is the obvious superiority of consciousness over matter.
2: No hero like this - it was the physical impact that became the cause
Change of intention and consequently consciousness
1: (thought) I agree

Fuck I knew only "Lenka" and "her" from these words at their age.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №66465
 03.07.2012
As in the old anecdote, “I know a wonderful joke about UDP, but I’m afraid it won’t reach you.”
Have you heard the joke about ICMP?
- I know a great joke about TCP, but if it doesn't reach you, I'll repeat it.

There was another joke about ARP. Does anyone know her? Tell me!
There is also a CLA.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №66464
 03.07.2012
X: Lena says you have photos. Give to. Please give it.
YYY: WAN, it will not happen soon, oh not soon.
XXX: You look at me. You know how cold I am. I can take hostages.
YYY: If you’re going to take, take me a couple.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №66463
 03.07.2012
I went to the psychiatrist today for a certificate.
That was the most terrifying spectacle in my life.
At first I was met by a one-legged guard, then I was taken to the office, where a doctor-boy was sitting, who could not speak at all normally, and the headman was at all without an eye!
What is Naher?! to
My childhood psychic is shaken by such psychiatrists!

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №66462
 03.07.2012
xxx: Listen to the joke: I was just going to a office repair office. In the middle of the room is a huge table, overwhelmed with broken devices. On each, a sticker with a description of the malfunction. on the edge is a printer/copy/her-know-sho with a note: "washes the sheets on the back, AUTOPROJECTLY SENDS FAX"))))
YYY: ))))))))))))

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №66461
 03.07.2012
Isaac Newton was also, one might say, a British scientist.
Y is sensation! British scientists have proven that the force of action is equal to the force of resistance!! The shock! The video!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №66460
 03.07.2012
When the provider went to the toilet, there in one of the cabins above the toilet was glued an A4 paper with the inscription "Ministry of Magic" and the arrow down.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №66459
 03.07.2012
Once the famous operator Vladislav Opeljanz, whom everyone calls Opel, slept before the shooting change at his home. Suddenly the phone rings. And a joyful woman’s voice said to him, “One, two, three! Opel is blue!” he suddenly wakes up, is surprised and asks, “Yes, you were there at all? Stop playing!” and he throws the phone. He is called back by a woman’s voice and says, “Opel... blue... number one hundred and twenty-three... the car came after you... the taxi service... you called for the morning... no?”

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №66458
 03.07.2012
From the life of the provider, report of the engineer on application:
(Engineer): 23.06.2012 the cable of the subscriber was not tracked, as On the ground floor, potential subscribers in an empty state loudly and with their fists clarified the relationship - they did not interfere, because,, they discussed tariff plans.

[ + 17 - ] [7 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №66457
 03.07.2012
Happiness is when fate meets dreams.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №66456
 03.07.2012
Firearms

In one village, near a big city, there was a grandfather and a grandmother and they had a chicken, most likely - Ryaba, even a cow.
Their old, wooden house for a hundred years, clinging to it, kept on the side of a rather steep hill and the lower part of the garden almost reached the lake.
"Nearly," because between the land of the elderly and the lake, once there was an empty, no-one's place, but now this land was purchased by a bad man from the city and built a three-storey house on it.
Well, okay – in tightness – not in insult.
It turned out to be insulting...
The new neighbor very much wanted to swallow the whole lake, but he was not allowed, because it is a people's estate and it is sold for quite another money.
But the man did not despair, it did not work legally, he began to act de facto.
He brought a bunch of livestock rings with bear teeth and periodically released them to the shore to chew.
And the knots joke. In six months, several village dogs were bitten and a fisherman was bitten.
People, from sin, began to make a kilometre-long hook to stay away from this edge of the lake.
But our elderly, who lived in the neighborhood, were more concerned not with the complicated access to the lake, but with the daily risk of fire.
At the very bottom of their garden, there was a wooden stallion with wood, and immediately behind the stallion, the land of the "director of the lake" began. There, "back to back" grew a huge mangal for the frying of whole elephant bodies.
And this mangal never stood.
Nearly every day, a crowd of friends came to the neighbor from the city to dive into the cold lake after a bath and eat another fried elephant under the stunning music.
The burning mangal more resembled a fire in the jungle, the spark of its fire flew up dozens of meters.
The old man several times went to the audience to the new neighbor, so not determined to call "neighbor", such a serious and important person.

And every time I received a short response in elevated tones:
Do you not like my mango? Will the wall of the barracks burn? Well, so when it burns, then we'll talk, and so far, grandfather, don't shake my head, go home, I won't give you money...
Five-year-old man rejected in the back:
- I don't need money from you, I just wanted to ask that you move your fire from the fence for at least two meters, because if it burns, it will be too late, the fire with the straw will spread to the cowhouse, and then to the house... We will burn with the grandmother.
- This is your difficulty, you are afraid of fire - remove the shell. And where in my land I put the mangal is only my problem. I will not go into your garden, and you will not teach me to live.

Time went by, the wall of the barley was all blackened and heated, sometimes it even had to be watered to cool a little.

The fire would have ended if one beautiful morning the granddaughter and granddaughter had not come to visit the elderly.
In the evening, the son-in-law admired the pioneer fire behind the fence, looked at the new neighbor, his guests and dogs, felt the hot wall of the barley and began to think.

The next morning he left for the whole day and returned only for the evening, but not alone, but with a tractor loaded with a huge, rusty, railroad tank without wheels.
They called the men from the village, unloaded the tank and installed it across the mountain, in a safe place in front of the barracks, and so that it would not suddenly turn, tightly tied a rope to a thick tree.
In the morning, the “director” of the lake woke up from the monotonous choking of a working pump. I woke up and went out of the house in a crazy mood. He noticed behind the fence a thick wooled hose coming from the lake, went up on it, relying on the evil 20-ton tank and asked his grandfather and grandmother:
What a fucking thing you did here!? to
The son approached, greeted and replied:
Here the tank is poured to extinguish the fire in case of something.
What a cistern? What a fire? You don’t see that there is a twilight of forty degrees, and if this fool with the water doesn’t hold up and roll down, then what?
The Cousin:
That was the case, so it was planned. See - here is the rope, it holds the tank, and next to it all the time will be a fire shaft, and if suddenly, don't give God, a fire will occur in the barracks, then the rope will quickly be cut off with a shaft, the tank will crash from place, roll down under the mountain and extinguish the fire. All is simple.

So she won’t soak it, but will crush it like a cake!
The fire will extinguish.
What a fire? And if the rope itself: rubs, breaks, I don’t know, and this shit goes down, then not only your dirty rope, but my whole house will fall. Remove it from her!
The Cousin:
- Dear man, let us agree this way: we do not teach you where on your land to put the mangal, and you do not climb into our garden. This is when the cistern will collapse, overwhelm your house, pavilion, bathroom and get to the lake, then we will talk, and so far - all the good...

The next day, the “director” of the lake moved his mangal away from the fence, but the tank still continued to hang over his life.

Soon the neighbor came and emphasized politeness, tried to buy their land from the elderly, but they refused, the "director" fell on the fire tail near the tank, did not argue, but quietly departed.

Since then, he has tried to spend less time in his gorgeous house and eventually sold it by the winter.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №66455
 03.07.2012
Did you feed the cattle?
“No, Mom, your son is still sleeping.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №66454
 03.07.2012
The morning. The corridor. and dark. I see my rabbit sitting at the open door and trying to enter the room where Daddy is sleeping. I unceremoniously shut the door in front of his nose, and he does not react! I stretch my hand to him, and he’s a shoe.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №66453
 03.07.2012
Hustler (15:46:59 2/07/2012)
You will need a separate tent.? to

Singer (15:47:24 2/07/2012)
I have

Singer (15:47:31 2/07/2012)
A tent and bedroom.

Singer (15:47:46 2/07/2012)
I will need to collect it separately.
For me, it’s just a piece of fabric and iron.
And then OP! by TA-DA-DA The tent stands.

Singer (15:49:02 2/07/2012)
What is between, I don’t know.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №66452
 03.07.2012
Conversation with a friend:
My tooth of wisdom is growing. So hurt...
Who has grown up now?! to

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №66451
 03.07.2012
XXX: Brother at home?
XXX: Where did you go?
XXX: How long has it been?
Yyy: No, and what I thought he was with Toba he was probably with Natasha
Do you want a bottle of beer?
yyy: yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
xxx: write this same, only without a single mistake: "no what I thought that he was with taboos he is probably with Natashka "
If one of the three attempts succeeds, I get a bottle of beer.
YYY: Okay and what should I do?
xxx: write this "no and what I thought that he was with taboos he probably has ", only without a single grammar and spelling error
We will nurture in you love of the Russian language.
XXX: Starting
Q: What should I do to drink beer?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №66450
 03.07.2012
I belong to the human appearance only because I have nowhere to go.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №66449
 03.07.2012
From the hub, Plan B in case of failure of WP (for Nokia):

Diamond: I hope that Plan A will still work, and Nokia will take over at least 10% of the smartphone market – Android can’t do without competition.
JavaScript: And I’m hoping (working in Nokia)!
Where do you work with your nick? and :)

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №66448
 03.07.2012
XXX: He would not be happy! I sucked so much that my plumbing flew out.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №66447
 03.07.2012
Around the War Forum:

XHHH: Eeee... Baltic to pick up – the department is enough. Only a telegram was repelled in Riga that the occupation contingent moved from Sebez station by flight Moscow-Riga - in two coupe of the second wagon. Please place and pay for travel.

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