bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] [5 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63026
 18.04.2012
by mail.ru

I accidentally poured the juice on my daddy’s laptop keyboard. Then the keys became sticky and badly pressed. First I wiped them with a cloth but it didn’t help, then a brush but it didn’t work either. I tried to rub the wet cloth but it didn’t work either. Dad had to go home soon and I washed the laptop under the crane, and it stopped turning on at all - probably badly washed. Then I wrapped it in a blanket and put it in the washing machine and turned on the wool washer. Then press twice so that Dad doesn’t notice that there’s water in the laptop. Why did he not get involved? Now I do not know what to do. Dad came from work and went to sleep but the laptop is not on. And my dad said that he had some sources there and that I would not ruin anything. My dad works as a programmer in a large company.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63025
 18.04.2012
There are so many contradictions in me... that I want to take it and fuck it, so that I can finally decide.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №63024
 18.04.2012
> Roscosmos supported the proposal to repeat "Fobos-Grunt".

The joke:
Whales are sitting behind a bar in the Pacific Ocean. Name of the waitress:
Do you want to repeat Phobos-Grunt?
Yes please.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №63023
 18.04.2012
I was late on the only bus in the village. I stood and waited for a car (which was very few). Land Cruiser is driving with lowered glasses. removed his hand. He reduced speed. I shout: "You will not take Saransk". Killed a fun driver's response - "I can't - drunk". and passed by.

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63022
 18.04.2012
In normal people, at three o’clock at night, under the windows are chanted chants, anthems of football teams and something from the punk repertoire of the nineties. And I have someone rehearsing opera arias. Culture and Hole.

[ + 29 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63021
 18.04.2012
xxx: I am sitting there. Here I have one practical on BJD, a sample of 10 accidents we process, so there I have one of the cases, I quote: "accident associated with injuries after contact with animals and insects as a result of the non-application of personal protection against increased levels of radiation." Is it how? Petrov did not wear an anti-gas and was bitten by the guard shepherd Manai, because she did not recognize him without an anti-gas?

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №63020
 18.04.2012
I sit, consider the internet store of bed linen, clothes... decided to measure my non-standard blanket with a roulette (under which my husband is currently sleeping) a measure of width... wakes up :"You have already ordered a box?" :)

[ + 110 - ] Comment quote №63019
 18.04.2012
I eat in the bar.
Go to the table a guy 18 years old and a beautifully dressed woman over 30, both with pads
Flying reference: "Dude shit, I'm you in the mouth in the nose and so on,
I don't like you - you change me into an old lady, the fucking" turns the pad
A woman in her hands and runs away.
I sit quietly, after 5 minutes they bring another bowl and silently eat
And the phrase:"Mom, well that’s probably the best compliment!"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №63018
 18.04.2012
"The killer is a suicide extrovert". and c)

[ + 58 - ] Comment quote №63017
 18.04.2012
Yesterday I decided to do an experiment.
See also: MM?
I opened the first 10 ladies in aska and started writing them the same thing: hello, how did the day go?
Then he answered the one who wrote the first, and the rest foolishly copied their answer after their reply.
And how then? and :)
XHH: practically a thumb in a thumb. Except for one. The course of thought was completely different, no replication at all suited. and surrendered. He hit the others. Talked with her. I almost fell in love...
Would you be lesbian?
That was her brother.
A mouse! Did the meeting succeed? :D
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I told him. Drinking and drinking beer.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №63016
 18.04.2012
Arsen: We need a holiday, an alternative to Easter, for symmetry. So that everyone would say, “The existence of God is not proven,” and they would be answered, “I totally agree.”

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №63015
 18.04.2012
Every year my grandmother and her friend compete who will be the first to congratulate them on Easter.

At fifteen in the morning, one of them calls. He reaches the trumpet and, without recalling, instead of greeting hears: “Christ has risen!” and in response hears the annoyed “Joppa!”

[ + 31 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63014
 17.04.2012
What words should a girl offer sex so that even the ex could not refuse?
Yyy: Simply and unobsessively you take him for a fuck.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №63013
 17.04.2012
Why have sex right away? Just a relationship. Did you not want them?
I just wanted sex, well remember we talked about this topic, well little what I wanted!to want and allow myself - very distant things
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh How difficult it is to be a man. You want – you don’t want, you can – you cannot. Throw like a cat to be cool - I approached, a lap hit my head - I want to. I approached, I struck my foot with my foot - take the toilet, I approached, I struck my hands with my hand - play with me. And so all life. If you go spring nuts, I want a passion. And everyone immediately runs around you, looking for your passion... or the phone of a veterinary clinic, where they do castration))
You know how to comfort.)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №63012
 17.04.2012
Artyom: The oxygen-rich atmosphere is really needed to form continents. Previously, the earth rested on three elephants and a turtle. Oxygen is absolutely necessary.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №63011
 17.04.2012
xxh: I knew of course that you were a master reducing everything in a row to dishonesty, but to reduce the title of the book from "Harry Potter and the Secret Room" to "Gapota and Co" is already overwhelming...

[ + 35 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №63010
 17.04.2012
Listen, how do you think it’s very bad if the alarm is broken and shows 06:66?
Did you go to the church yesterday? O_O

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №63009
 17.04.2012
Rizo: I recently thought that Diablo 3 advertising should be apocalyptic
Such empty streets
Rizo: abandoned big, skateboards
Rizo: and in the silence such a furious clicking machine from every window
Rizo: and the shadows of dead skeletons fly up
Aliv: A big plan: two very elderly people, he and she. Rapid breathing, eyes fixed at one point, absolutely happy faces. she: "you were right... this was worth waiting for a lifetime!". They exchange loving eyes and turn their eyes back to the point in front of them. The camera moves away and we see the sofa in front of the huge plasma on which the "Djablo 3" screensaver is visible.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №63008
 17.04.2012
A friend served in the army, told a joke.
They have one flag in the brigade, the Maga, or the Dagestan or the Azeri, hz. In general, this Maga is worth, praises the officers:
– Here is the Major, we’re an awkward man, atheist! I am his mouth, Ibal.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №63007
 17.04.2012
I have a dialogue with one of the photographers:

F: I have a question. I ordered a photo of a girl who is 18 years old. He also wants to wear a swimsuit. Written permission from the parents is required.
What does she need to write in that permission?
Maybe you already have ready to print and sign simply?

I: How old is she?
F:15-16, I don’t remember
But her figure is already the norm. Breasts and breasts are like that. I understand why in the swimsuit.
I: up to 16 - only accompanied by the elderly (mother / father / brother / sister older than 18)
...
I: anyway - I prefer to cover the ass and I advise you (if you are shooting on the street)
F: I first told her that she needed permission from her parents.
I: See if she wants to say to you, then with this permission you can only wipe.)))
F: There is a correspondence with her on FB, if
I...and you can’t even wipe it out 😉))))))

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