bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130189
 01.07.2016
xxx: For the sake of justice, according to your references, if you turn a little, degrees by 15, just a hundred year old, or even a little older, oak. They grow slowly.
yyy: And in the 1979 photo is perfectly visible the desert left after the demolition of Plushchev
Zzzz: It doesn’t matter to them. The oaks grow slowly, but in 40 years they are quite 150 years old)))

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130188
 01.07.2016
Before that, there was no rain in Rostov all the time because of the fact that all the water went to the graduate works.
yyy: and it all came out that did not pass the anti-plagiarity check)))

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №130187
 01.07.2016
Judging by the name of Google products, I know what names the children of their marketers have – Google Son and Google Daughter.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130186
 01.07.2016
Garyk Harlamov outraged by the results of the TEFI Prize 2016: I don’t understand why the broadcast “Kamedi Club” never... Never... "
It reminds of the recent outrage of "African Americans" that the "Oscar" don’t nominate blacks )))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130185
 01.07.2016
Announced by:
It takes an unattractive woman with iron nerves and low libido to work in the male bathroom.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №130184
 01.07.2016
xxx: news: "Minculture of Russia proposes to put video cameras in hotel rooms"
YYY: A national project to equip all residential and non-residential premises in the Russian Federation with surveillance cameras. Here are the grandmothers.
Owners of premises technically suitable for a person's stay there are obliged at their own expense to equip them with technical means of video surveillance and to connect these means to the Federal System of Unified Monitoring and the Program of Inventory of Law-Compliance by Homeowners of Unified Purposes (Fsem Pizdec). The management of FSM PIZDEC should be transferred to a separate structure approved by the Government of the Russian Federation.
The cost of connecting to the FSEAM PIZDEC is determined by the authorized body of the subject of the federation.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №130183
 01.07.2016
In the forum, they are trying to determine the distance before the explosion by video.

svlg: About the distance of 300 meters is possible. But if the sound wave immediately after the explosion spread at a supersonic speed, the distance is slightly greater.
It is hardly more than 600 meters.

alone: A sound wave with a supersonic speed? Cute shit...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №130182
 01.07.2016
We are discussing whether we need scratch or not.
Boss: Well we didn’t try. Try it, maybe you will like it.
I didn’t try to fuck it either.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №130181
 01.07.2016
I was sitting in the car, waiting for a girl near the fifth-storey Chruščov. Two types of years pass by me for 50 each. They approach the house and start calling their friend. He finally went out to the balcony. In view of their peers. This is the conversation between them:
...
How did you play last time?
Why didn’t you come here to play football?
My wife did not let
2 of the types: Yes, we lost. Something broke my heart. I left before.
Should go to the doctor
Two of them: I went. The doctor told me to be careful. I say, how long can I play? Which one to play? You can’t whistle in the whistle now.
His friend almost fell from the balcony. I didn’t have a place to fall, I was sitting in the car.)

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130180
 01.07.2016
Letter on Soap

Can a man in a relationship with one girl be super faithful, and meeting with another - to betray?
and easily. Men are just like people.

She: Almost like people, although it’s hard to believe.

I mean, you are a homecoming!
He: Because so beautiful people do not appear naturally.

She: And you ever had that after the first phrase got something heavy on the head and didn't have time to say the second part of the prepared joke?


[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №130179
 01.07.2016
My girlfriend and I love to experiment in sex. So strong that in a couple of years of relationship has accumulated a large backpack of all kinds of baggage :D Since she lives with her parents, all of our bad things I keep at home, if I go to her in visit, together with the flowers I capture a miracle backpack. We live in different parts of Moscow, so I get there, including by metro. One day my backpack seemed suspicious to a metro worker, and he decided to enlighten him with a X-ray machine.

Those eyes and that "thank you, you can go" I will never forget :DDD

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130178
 01.07.2016
It is hot on the mirage platform. An old round-mouthed electric car came from Ryazan. There are so many strawberries, sea strawberries and red ribs.
Mirage - a lake with palm trees and beautiful women in sunbaths?
The red ribbon is also a mirage, it just begins to red.
Electric circular - also a mirage
There is also a mirage and a mirage.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №130177
 01.07.2016
You slept so well, I decided not to wake you up and left.
xxx: "Decided not to wake up" from the word "abandoned at the tenth minute"

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №130176
 01.07.2016
I am 24 years old, studying in 5th grade and working as a guard in a sanitary store. A cousin called me yesterday and said:

B: Zdarova, listen, I need to buy a mixer for the bathroom here, and there is no money.

I thought he wanted to borrow, but that was not the case.

By the way, the cheapest mixer here costs 1200 r.

I: What do you need from me?

B: Well you’re working as a guard, let me come to you in the store and steal, and you’ve seen nothing and I’ll go.

I: We have cameras in the store.

B: Well, you’re a guard, you can wipe it out and you won’t get anything.

After that, he was sent to yuh, and his number was added to the QS.

minus one relative.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №130175
 01.07.2016
- Half of my group girls with the stomach, maybe it's time for us too?

Give me the cold, I’m on the cake.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №130174
 01.07.2016
A acquaintance told me. Further from his words. The son (third grade) in the school meeting, before the teacher appears, parents communicate with each other. I am approached by the parents of my son's classmate, outraged that my son calls their child a fool, demanding action. I am surprised, I promise to talk. At home, I am interested in my son’s reasons for this behavior. He says, “Dad, remember we were in the woods with the classroom? Some parents were there with us. This boy took a plastic glass, turned aside, wrote in it, then approached his dad and offered to drink a "limonade". Who is he after that? His dad laughed at it, and he probably liked it.”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №130173
 01.07.2016
My neighbor decided to pour the yard with concrete. Naturally, it was decided to hire local workers to save money. The contingent there is appropriate, zeki, alkashi and drug addicts. A brother comes to him in the evening, but he meets him and notices that he has a chip in his hand.

Are you a trail?

This is? This is the SM9 decoder.

Even for the decoder.

The radio detail. It was when I went to Moscow, 2 years ago, a friend of mine bought 10 pieces. Here you will find Hera. Just from the meeting with the buyer came to you. He did not like the price. Sold one for 4,000. What in the ass of 4,000, under order a month wait for 6,000 take only. Shortly sent it to the naker, the shredder, wanted to sell again apparently.

Well, the neighbor invited him, for tea there and talk, the brother on the window decoder placed. Within an hour, no soul. The loaves are left lying, from the men and the trail forgiven.

It is blue, Sania. They drove the SM9!

The meaning?

The decoder is yours!

What a shit, calm down. I picked up that shit on the way to you. It shone in the grass.

As a result, almost the entire yard is betoned for free. We just had to find new workers.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №130172
 01.07.2016
It is from the root of Chukovsky :-)

The doctor went out on the balcony, quietly looking into the sky he said:
A plane above us.
In the airplane, there is a begemot.
There is Behemoth.
A rapid bullet.
He flies over the swamp.
The flying flight,
A little lower than the topol,
Drawing out of a bullet.
In the scared children"

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №130171
 01.07.2016
xxx: This is how Skynet will actually appear - it will send the appropriate firmware to the machine and take it under control. And the automatic line instead of, say, condoms will glue silicone valves for the terminators :) And the assembly line for the motors "Jigul" will make for the robot-terminator an energy installation :) And the rotor line making cartridges will continue to do them, but in the glory of artificial intelligence :)

YYY: at the Zhyguley factory nothing will work, the place is crazy!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №130170
 01.07.2016
About the peculiarities of America, with its rules, amendments and prohibitions:

x: on Pt evening plan - to go to the shale on the California Coast
Y: Yes, we invite you to the shells if you can hit the fire on the shore
Reserve the fire :)
X: The fire is blown separately.
Y: If you have reached 21.
x: for groups of no more than 5 or no less than 7 people, only in rescue vests.
x: at least 46% of participants must have a certificate of passing the training "Evacuation during a tsunami during a volcanic eruption", but if there is a cat deficiency in the group, then 53,3%.
Y: Obtained during a lunar eclipse.
x: Certificates obtained outside the eclipse are deemed invalid in California except on February 29, when the General Federal Rule of Certificates applies.

y: benefits are granted to participants in the Bordeaux battle and festival participants.

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