bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №15113
 12.03.2009
New sports in the conditions of the Moscow Metropolitane:
The Academic Goal?

[ + 63 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №15112
 12.03.2009
The hardest thing to do is congratulate you on your birthday with what you still love.

[ + 63 - ] Comment quote №15111
 12.03.2009
Quote from the forum. About the interviews:

I was in one interview.

Have you worked with Oracle?
and no.
Blah blah blah oracle.
I didn’t work with Oracle.
What is Bla Bla Oracle?
I didn’t work with Oracle.
Why bla bla oracle?
I didn’t work with Oracle.
You do not fit us.
And a percent, isn’t it?

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №15110
 12.03.2009
xxx: Blin today woke up after yesterday I don't remember anything (I approached the mirror and the scratch on the nose is huge you don't know where it came from?
yyy: this is not scratching, this is the scratch of hary from greed...

[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №15109
 12.03.2009
Dasai
Did you find the time when money was counted in millions?

Kiki
It was like that until the 97th.

Kijke (01:01:21 10/02/2009)
I even found Kaia Metova!

Kiki
You are about millions.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №15108
 12.03.2009
5.5 bits and 7.3 bits are the hard days of a high school student.

Here’s what a child’s unhealthy mind has to face:

Bogdanovich M.V. Mathematics: A textbook for 4 (3) classes. Education in 1995.

Chapter 18 (s. and 153). From two settlements, the distance between which is 90 km, two cyclists traveled simultaneously to meet each other. The first of them moved at a speed of 14 km / h. In how many hours will the cyclists meet?

Item 944 (s. and 168). In the school dining room, 24 kg of wheat was consumed for cooking for breakfast. 36 kg of wheat was used to prepare lunch. How much food is left in the dining room?

The candidate of science and the one crying over the task.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №15107
 12.03.2009
We went to the cocktail this morning to come up with a script for the upcoming game. The waitress suits.

AIR: Girl, we have two keys please.
A: We do not have a kefir.
Water: Then two milk.
There is no milk either.
AIR: Well why is it not milk, and if the children come?
A: They drink the juice.
What if they are very small?
They will be fed with their breasts.
AIR: Then we have two breasts with milk, please.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №15106
 12.03.2009
Walk in the house.
What day is today?? to
I do not know. I came here on Friday!! to

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №15105
 12.03.2009
I come home, evil and say "at work all the piddars!"
My favorite answer is "Excellent! Let them fuck each other - I'm as a husband!"

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №15104
 12.03.2009
Comments on the file "Sex in Russian School " on torrent:

At the fifth screen, the sinus and cosinus were broken down into a series of Taylor. This is the first course.

[ + 56 - ] Comment quote №15103
 12.03.2009
Status of man:
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ I just forgot to remove. The sweetest and most Pufy SNOFFF MINE)))))

Everything would be nothing, but he works in a nightclub.

[ + 53 - ] Comment quote №15102
 12.03.2009
by Olcha:
I received a card of 500 r.

by Olcha:
I go and buy nothing.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №15101
 12.03.2009
Standing in a subway wagon, the mechanic announces “Care, doors...” and at this moment three guys fly to the door and begin to ferociously try to open it. The mechanic, in a quiet voice, speaks to the speaker "Girls, let the doors go, I promise you, there will be more trains".

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №15100
 12.03.2009
Vampiro (19:10:24 9/03/2009)
You are depressed :)

Controversy (19:11:18 9/03/2009)
Yes, the text in the magazine had to be handed over yesterday, and I have no thoughts... here I sit, I call the muse :(

Vampiro (19:12:40 9/03/2009)
Oh you are! You use special magic to invoke the mouse :-)?

Controversy (19:13:46 9/03/2009)
The famous spell "need"

(I apologize very much)))

Controversy (19:14:06 9/03/2009)
Shake has to come.)

Vampiro (19:15:05 9/03/2009)
Oh, and how famous annihilator!? to

Controversy (19:15:41 9/03/2009)
It is forbidden "involving" :(

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №15099
 12.03.2009
xxx: It is necessary to determine the location of the owner by the cell phone number. Is this possible?
yyy: maybe.. go work in the FSB - in 20 years will teach
Zzzz: Maybe call him and ask you where?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №15098
 12.03.2009
You don’t need to scream to be heard, you need to want to be heard.

[ + 40 - ] Comment quote №15097
 12.03.2009
Salad of Mimosa

Morning on March 9. Slowly and carefully, in one hand the head, in the other
liver, slide to the refrigerator, pour something into boiling tubes. The refrigerator
It is filled with the remains of yesterday’s feast. The path to beer
In the middle of the refrigerator is a whole untouched salad "Mimoza".

The poor mother! I look at the salad.

The story of the question is so.

One day, on March 8, a wonderful woman, Elena Ivanovna, gave birth to another child.
A wonderful woman who later became my wife. and here
For many years now, once a year, on the eve of March 8,
Elena Ivanovna arrives from her Tyumen on the birthday of her daughter. and
make this foolish salad that nobody needs and who
The neighboring homeless cats are eaten with gratitude. Nothing else
In my memory, she never cooked. Looking at this, it is created
the impression that the salad "Mimoza" in Tyumen is a national dish, and they are there
They only eat them.

There is another item in Elena Ivanovna, which along with the salad
“Mimoza” is an indispensable attribute of our annual March
The sitting. Maybe the doctors know his exact name, and I'll explain how.
I can. The middle-aged lady Elena Ivanovna has nothing yet.
A perfectly healthy body, designed for at least a hundred years
The full exploitation. But every time at a certain point,
After drinking, she begins to sing the same grim song about what before.
The next day my daughter will not live. Where she got that, I don’t know.
This is a point. She begins to say goodbye to everyone, everyone.
to forgive, make a will, and so on. Tears, swears and excuses. Same
It does not affect the mood of the guests.
The atmosphere of celebration. And nothing would be like that, accustomed, if few have anything,
Family affairs. But this is a boring self-song, like the salad “Mimoza”,
It happens regularly once a year for a couple of decades.
On the International Women’s Birthday of My Unseen. Yes is.

Agree, once a year can be tolerated, on one side.
But on the other hand, dear comrades, twenty years! and how much
still ahead? It is not so much the scenery itself as it is.
Her expectation and inevitability ruin the solemnity of the moment.

Okay well. What to complain? This is my cross, as the heroine said.
A famous film. Oh by the way. Something I won’t remember yesterday.
The traditional exhibition. Trying to strain the mind does not cause anything.
Except for Ikea. In the memory of yesterday's night there is a big black sky.
The Hole. The last thing I remember is my toast "For our health"
Dear Mother, Elena Ivanovna “Good means I gave it yesterday. Well maybe
It’s the best I don’t remember. A glass of beer illuminates yesterday’s day.
The past?

exactly! I get out of the refrigerator a batch with "Mimoza", to get to it.
And suddenly, with interest, I find it already very well-ventilated.
The surface of the salad has a clear fingerprint of the face. Do you imagine? Very clear and
Very high-quality human face blindness on yellow ventilated
Surface of salad. Apparently my face. Without any options. More of
Like no one’s face from yesterday’s presence should be there.
Yes, before the state of the mouth in the salad I have not yet been able to drink.
But someday we have to start. Let us treat everything philosophically.

Poor Yuri! - Hamletovsky undercovering the cowards and extending before
a plate with a salad and a blindness of his own mouth, a tragic voice
I say I.

What a lawyer? What is this about Yuri? A bad voice from the door.
The Wives.

... is it you? Yes, that’s me... Listen, I’m showing her a badge, I’m what,
I fell asleep in the salad yesterday, right?

The fool! His wife whispered tragically. This is my death mask.
The Mom! Do you remember anything?

I move my head negatively. And she restores a canva in my head.
events, intersecting the storytelling of illusory, but quite traditional
emails to my address.

It turns out, after I raised "for the health of dear Helena"
The second part of the compulsory program under
“Oh, I won’t live until the next birthday!”
the associated attribute. This is when everything is traditional.
I began to wander and persuade Elena Ivanovna to live a little longer.
quietly stood up, took a plate with no one's untouched salad "Mimoza", this
a work of art of the Tyumen cookers, quietly approached to the aunt and
With the words “Dear Elena Ivanovna, for a moment!” he gently mocked her.
Face in the salad. Then showed a great, by the way, result.
He was surprised and said, “Blind. for the monument. for every
The case.”

I'm glad I don't remember what happened afterwards. Thank God the plane.
Tess was at night. She flew safely, saving me for a whole year.
You need to go straight in the kitchen, with a salad in your hands, take and burn it.
of shame.

What did she say? I asked suspiciously.
A well-meaning wife

She was deceived first, of course. Everyone is deceived. Then he says, “No
You will wait! I will survive all of you!” Soon I sang, O Rabbi.
The Russian folk song "Oi Rabiina Kudrava"
The aunt usually finished her panigyric, after which everyone could
You know, you seem to have cured her.

Give it God! – with hope said I, finally reaching to the hardship c
Brew the beer and suck the contents with one garlic. Ohhhhhhhh! Another
March 8 ended safely.

The salad "Mimoza" I traditionally brought to the laundry for the joy of courtyard cats.
With a valuable profile. With the words:
Do not need us. Long live another 100 years, dear Elena Ivanovna.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №15096
 12.03.2009
The best friend of man is a dog.
Do not believe? Try this experiment:
Keep your dog and wife in the luggage compartment.
Open in an hour. Who do you think will be more pleased with?

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №15095
 12.03.2009
We stand with a friend at the entrance and wait for his girlfriend. The younger sister of the girl (7 years old) comes out and we begin to talk with her... The conversation began about the pieces, well, we naturally do not understand this. On what she says: "We need to add two more to 13... It will be 15... Hm, so soon it will reach 20". We do not understand anything at all and ask what she is about... What she replied: "This is the number of fools I know!"

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №15094
 12.03.2009
On the evening of March 7, I went to the store for the "gentleman set" :-)
In general, there would be nothing, only when I paid and went away from the cash, I heard behind the back the dialogues of the cashier (K) and a young man with a hugged voice (C):
Q:"How old are you?"
Q:"Twelve years ago!!" - already very confidently said the young man, and continued: "Student show?!!and "
Q:" No, I don’t have to. We drink from twenty-one."- all the same calmly said the cashier :-)

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