A colleague called, said that she was in the hospital with female disorders.
She said literally: "They propose, if the dropless does not help, to do some euthanasia."
I laughed, realizing that she was confused with abrasion.
The next morning, telling the rest at work about the sick, decided to laugh the people.
I say, “Ilonka said, they are offering euthanasia.”
The first: “Let it agree, nothing terrible!”
The second: "I have been done twice, tomorrow as a cucumbers!"
“Doctors will not advise bad!”
One programmer developed software for one of our large companies. He asked for my help in putting it into operation. When I sat down with one woman and told her that I would show her how to make changes to the files, she breathed with relief and then said, “I’m so glad you’ll be teaching me for him.”
Surprised, I said that my colleague was much more experienced than me.
“Yes,” she said, “but I feel much more comfortable with you...I’m nervous with smart people.”
Flight Valkyrie
In the early 1990s, the military part lost among the Volga steppes. To the nearest large settlement - from half a hundred kilometers. In most auxiliary positions - the wives of officers (other work in the district is still not, and in the hungry 90s the extra penny in the family budget did not hinder anyone). One detail: the military part - VDV.
For those who did not serve an explanation: the monetary remuneration of a military servant is formed somewhat differently than that of civilians. Two main components are the salary of the military rank (conditionally: the captain receives more of a major, but less of a major) and the salary of the military position, as well as a lot of surcharges (for years of service, for access to secret information, special conditions of service, etc.). So, the desanters were entitled (and still seem to be entitled) a surcharge for performing a certain number of parachute jumps. I will not say the exact size, as much as it was possible to get up to 50% of the salary on the military rank.
This is the same 50% of the salary and did not give rest to numerous combat friends. To jump once - and get a solid increase in salary for a whole year, all this seemed like a great idea to replenish the family budget. In short, the commander of the unit was besieged with this issue for almost a year. And if you think that two dozen women can’t stand the brain of one general, then you obviously underestimate the abilities of the opposite sex.
In general, after some time, even the combat general could not withstand, said "X... with you, dear women" and appointed a day of leaps for all the ladies - soldiers. “Command the parade” was commissioned by my father’s co-worker. Two dozen people were loaded into a corn farm, a couple of sergeants were given to the father's fellow servant in reinforcement, and, as they say, goodbye to the earth.
In the beginning, everything went well, until the plane reached the desired height, and one of the sergeants opened the door and invited him to exit. As you understand, the female battalion immediately paralyzed, and the nearest lady to the exit began a natural hysteria. The sergeant tried to apply the same technique that had been successfully used with newly recruited soldiers for many decades before, namely: take the jumping for the skirts, and put the acceleration of the knee under the ass, send the puppy to fly overboard the aircraft. However, it almost immediately turned out that this technique does not work with the female contingent at all.
To begin with, the first "bird" who got under his hand scratched the sergeant's whole face with his nails, came to his knee in his mouth, and, breaking out, fled to the other end of the plane. At that time, all the other valquiries were already there. The sergeant, who had received a strict order from the general before the very flight "look to all these b... jump," made a key mistake: instead of negotiating with the enemy, he, pressing with one hand the scratched face, moved onto a crowd of jumpers with the firm intention to throw them all out of the plane.
Have you ever seen a women’s fight? Ask any police officer what is the difference between a male and a female fight. The main difference: in male fighting, as a rule, opponents do not aim to destroy each other. To cut, to immobilize – yes, but not to destroy. In contrast, for women, fighting is like the last battle in life, where you have to survive at all costs. Therefore, scratching the face, stripping the hair, getting the falling on the ground, etc. goes on. At first, a few people stumbled upon the unfortunate sergeant. The remaining at this time with the eyes of the zombies looked at the unfortunate fellow servant of his father. As he later told, he had already had Afghanistan, Tajikistan and a couple of small local conflicts behind his shoulders at the time. But he was never so scared. You can’t shoot the enemy (although you really wanted to), jump out of the plane too (he doesn’t have a parachute). The only thing left was to knock on the door of the pilot’s cabin and scream “Say to...your mother!”
The plane landed on the ground. And the general who approved all this madness, and the husbands of the failed jumpers. The female battalion left the aircraft quite relentlessly. The wounded sergeant had to be taken under his arms (later it turned out that the bones were whole, but the scratched face was added to the whole body). My father’s co-worker got out of the plane, sat down and smoked. He was approached by a general, commander of the unit.
Do you want a medal?
Better than vodka.
The issue of women’s jumping in part was not raised.