My phone woke me up yesterday. This shit came on a vibrator and gave me a head.

by 3113

From Forum
atlant_is: the end of the world, the end of the world... guys, in Siberia you do not scare anyone :) I live in Novosib, we go out this evening with my wife from the store 24 hours a day, on street -40. Near the store, men stand in relaxed poses and with a restless look pull beer from plastic glasses, freely hold them with bare hands and relentlessly conduct a secular conversation. All of this people, I assure you.

<Werkzeug> Today an ancient opel with a wild exhaust passed by me. Filed to:Opel Asthma

Anastasia
Peterson is not your relative.
by Vladimir
It was lunch :)
Anastasia
See also)
by Vladimir
Why don’t you ask what happened after lunch?
Anastasia
You probably invented a cool joke, I'm afraid to die of laughter.

XXX is Hi! Finally, he came to study and hid himself from everyone in the dekanate.
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY You found a place where the student and his like will be looking for in the last place :D

I need a very ugly number... so that if the chao, the haishnikov with disgust would turn away and not brake.

We suggest: any number on a red background and/or with AMR booklets.
They turn, they don’t stop. Moreover, these numbers are so unnaturally disgusting that they are not captured by cameras, as the nostalgia is not reflected in mirrors.

Why do you like to have sex standing?
There is more standing.

Dialogue between two friends:
X: If the zombie apocalypse came and you left your zombie girlfriend, what would you do?
Q: I don’t know, I would probably connect.
X: But she can bite you, and you can become a zombie too!
Q: Well, you can fill her mouth with construction foam, or a seal.
X: And she can scratch you, and you’ll still become a zombie.
Q: Then I would cut off my hands.
X: That is, if your girlfriend became a zombie, would you cut off her arms, pour her mouth with a sealant and pull you everywhere?
A: We would be together all the time.

Our 8-month-old son screams for a while for an unknown reason
Maybe he wants a tick?
I just recently fed him.
Maybe he doesn’t want to eat, but a tick. For a man it is not the same.

The note:
There is a cake on the table, and you are his meal.

AFS: Food for reflection: did you know that it is right to say not "I miss you" but "I miss you"? I was surprised too.
Balto: I really miss you.
AFS: What if you turn to several?
I miss you and you, and you too.

Komatoz: I drank a lot, constantly, for an occasion and without a reason. He was ashamed in the morning, was ashamed in the evening, was ashamed in the day, and all of what he drank, drank and drank.
Once I woke up not at home, with broken hands and broken head. The worst thing was that the pants were still broken, but everything was done - just the straps were broken) I made a willful decision - not to drink.
For two years, he did not drink, ran through the woods, pulled on turnips, ate protein foods, drank vitamin complexes, felt great.
First I looked at those who drank alcohol with disgust, then with regret, then with a smile, then with some envy.
Because drinking alcohol - a piece of human culture is a very dangerous piece, very desirable, very ambiguous.
For myself, I supposed that you shouldn’t cut something out of yourself just because you haven’t learned how to use it. Don’t hide what you never understood.

From Khabr, discussion of the IEEE vote:

I am not surprised by the results of the vote. The arithmetic majority in international organizations belongs to the sovereign democracies of Africa and Asia. If any Algeria voted that “the earth is flat,” the resolution would have passed by a majority of votes. And if Iran had added to the resolution that “the earth is flat because it was flattened by the United States and Israel,” such a resolution would have been adopted by an absolute, overwhelming majority.

We go with a friend in the tram, bored, decided to play in "I see":
I see something yellow, lengthy, somewhere green.
Is this a Chinese man?
- O_O

The headline of the newspaper My: Voronezh police are looking for the unknown who stole the bio-toilet.

As explained by the base employees, the device was stolen along with its contents. The damage was estimated at 20 thousand rubles."

Discovery of the girl's infidelity

Ladies and gentlemen, do not rush with conclusions. One of my acquaintances decided to break the bride’s soap. The question to restore the password was "The name of a loved one" :)
"O!" said a friend and entered his name. "Hren" said the system.
Having perverted all possible versions of writing her name and markedly dimmed, she began to pick up the names of her mother and dad. The cat’s name is also unknown.
The names of her acquaintances also gave nothing.
The conversation was heavy in the evening and all the cards were laid on the table.
The truth was unexpected. The answer was some memorable set of numbers, which was the universal answer to any question.
The relief of the guy was not long, because immediately after explaining the situation he was sent far away. It is worthy to believe in loved ones.

I went to "Librosek" in search of fantasy and at the same time looked at what was there in the ranking of the most popular books. My fighter in the anger! I admired the list:

Stephanie Meyer, The Sun of Midnight
2.Author unknown - Cooking - Cucumbers
Stephanie Meyer – Eclipse
Anna Chudnova - 81 prayer for immediate help, which will protect you from trouble, help in misery and show the way to a better life
Stephanie Meyer – The Twilight
Svetlana Gennadyevna Zubanova - Shpargalka on the theory of state and law
Dmitry Glukhovsky - Metro
Stephanie Meyer – Dawn
Oksana Mikhailovna Sergeeva - How to manage a man? The skill of manipulation. 49 Simple Rules
Blessed Avdey Blessed - Russian Kitchen. The ‘home terrorism’ alphabet
Stephanie Meyer – New Moon

I have a question... Who is she, her mother, this Stephanie Meyer, and what hell is she more popular with “Crushly Cucumbers?”? to

My aunt told me:
I drink memory pills.
After a few seconds of looking at the wall:
I do not remember what they are called...
Then another eternity:
I forgot to drink...

Xy: Chata so want to go into the woods with a nighting...in a tent with someone warm
XX: with a crushed mouse?
Xy: No, with a straight-legged male

XHH: Last week they [family couple] caught a winlocker
xxxh: called the master, he came and with an unwavering face purely dumb set them over the system and antivirus, healed them 2700 rub!!!!!!! It’s to hide that this is a company that holds such “professionals”???????? I Winlocker when I treated the comrade, the forum read and in an hour and a half the manual system and the register cleaned, there is a business for a maximum of 300 rubles!
This is exactly what he is a real professional.