Two weeks of quarantine, people get bored at home, and everyone knows that everyone goes crazy in their own way. Today at work, the boss told the story of his self-isolation.
For reference, the man is under 60, a military pensioner. I do not know his wife personally, but I know that the lady is also serious, 2 of the highest rule the whole institution is not the first year.
In the words of the boss:
In the second week the roof started to run. My wife and I are watching a movie. There the girl (according to the story of the film, she is a police officer, but something more clever, I don't remember exactly), kidnapped by bad bandits, put a bag on the head and on the whole screen show a view of the package, where she suffocates with her eyes opened. Well, I think to myself, “Didn’t there be enough money in the film’s budget to hire a consultant who would explain that when a packet is suffocated, the packet should just be roasted and breathed calmly?”
The wife heard, began to argue, saying you can't bite the bag when you are suffocated!
I disputed.
First, my wife began to squeeze me with a bag of Ashan, biting me.
Next was a pack of magnets, a bite.
My wife said the packages were very large. She took the smallest and thickest bag in the house, bite. They laughed like two psychopaths.
As a result, the boss won my dispute, admitting that it was the funniest half hour in the entire quarantine.
In September 1993, a very strange phone call came to the police station of a sleepy suburb of Helsinki, where there were only two fights and five small thefts in a month. A young man named Riku, whispering, that he was being pursued by unknown persons who had already thrown two envelopes with bad notes into his mailbox, that the envelopes were black like resin, and that he was accused of some cruel crimes, and he was 18 years old, and he had never offended the flies in his life.
Arriving at the call, the Mykola conservatory was convinced that the young man’s story seemed to correspond to reality. Riku came to Helsinki to study at the university and rented a tiny studio apartment with a view of the park – it was so small that Mikola was able to explore the room without leaving the place and only turning around his axis. In fact, the studio had a bed, a book closet, a plate, a washing machine and a cage with a cloudy poppy.
“He usually talks a lot, but he’s afraid of strangers,” Riku said.
Mikola looked at the puppy and asked the young man for anonymous letters. Riku handed him two envelopes, very carefully made by someone from black paper. On the envelope was written: “Rico Sarinen, the wretch.” Consteble got out of the envelopes notes written with a female handwriting, and his eyebrows popped up:
“Do you think you can continue to slay defenseless animals? The payment is waiting for you!”
“We’ve seen it all, Sarinen. You destroyed your whole family last weekend. Be careful, we will come soon!”
Did you have any other pets besides the puppy? He clarified the container, looking at the young man.
and no.
Maybe you recently abandoned a girlfriend?
“I haven’t had any girlfriends yet,” Riku turned red.
Why not? You are a sports boy.
“I didn’t have any girls, especially those who were shy,” Riku said.
What did you do last weekend?
He prepared for laboratory work, read, walked around the park.
Have you seen any suspicious people?
and no.
Well well well. Find out where your knives are.
Riku showed him all his three knives – for bread, for meat and for pear. As expected, all three were clean.
- Letters I, with your permission, will take and send for examination, - said the constable and once again stared at the cloudy, squeezed poppy.
Is he always so evil? Maybe he has something hurt?
No to Constable. He is just... shy. I rarely have guests.
Returning to the police station, Mikola sent Newman's younger constable to observe the young man's apartment and the mailbox. Mikola slept badly that night. He was afraid of the pope. We had to find a reason and pull the bird out.
In the morning, Newman called and proudly that he had just detained two girls who had thrown another black envelope into Rick’s mailbox. Neumann soon brought them to the department. Both detainees were dressed in T-shirts with environmental slogans and had harsh, convinced of their rightness, Decembrist eyes.
“Girls, I have to tell you that this is not a joke,” said Mikola, holding the envelope in his hand. Not only did you accuse a citizen of a country of animal abuse, you did it in a completely unacceptable way. We are the police in the fight against crime. Your job is to call us and tell us about the crime.
You’t even do that! One of the girls got angry.
and yes! You are above the suffering of our smaller brothers! Added the second.
Why this? Tell me what you saw last weekend.
“Last weekend, this ugly Sarinen went to the park. He had a knife with him, the first one.
“A pear-cut knife,” the second added.
In the park he found a lawn where white mushrooms grew. Thirty white mushrooms, constable! And he cut off all thirty white mushrooms under the root, depriving the animal of the ability to reproduce.
What animal? I did not understand Mikko.
Mycelium, the fungus of the white mushroom, is an animal. What grows above the earth is only its reproductive and exploration organs. And mycelium itself, as recent experiences show, is able to collect and use information, understands its position in space and can even remember the path in the labyrinth. Have you heard of the Japanese scientists? When one thread was separated from the mycelium and placed at the beginning of the labyrinth, in which the whole fungus had previously grown, this thread grew flawlessly to another exit from the labyrinth, never twisted in the wrong direction. And there were two hundred false moves in the labyrinth!
I’m not a biologist, but I think mushrooms are plants. Animals do not grow from the ground. Animals move, at least they move.
Here you look. A new Finnish biology textbook for the university, the first girl to tick a finger into the just adopted (and subsequently cancelled) classification, according to which mushrooms were attributed to the kingdom of animals.
Mikola stupidly entered a textbook of biology.
What will you say now? An animal brutally cut off thirty genitals – is it animal abuse or not?! to
Mikola’s constable felt terribly uncomfortable. If mycelium is really, an animal, and also highly developed...
- Write a statement about the crime, we will consider it, - he shrugged his hand.
Thus was born one of the funniest cases in the history of Finnish criminal law. The case, indeed, did not go. And soon uniformity was introduced to biological systematics, and mushrooms finally emerged into a separate kingdom of living organisms.