So, like many children of my age, I spent part of the summer, as well as weekends and holidays in school years with my grandmother in the village. I thought the most dangerous animals I could meet there were dogs, snakes and alkas, which were not so many. There was something more dangerous. My friend’s father had sheep, and he had a tribal sheep-lammy, aggressive, just a shit, the size of a tank and with strength slightly inferior to Chuck Norris. Usually he was isolated in his personal squad, where he ate, slept, and was naked with a iron barrel, when he got bored, he carried out a gate or fence and went to kill... everyone... One day even I got pitches in my leg, I had to fly far.

Well, at one time, the alkas used to spoil dogs and steal the courtyards, but my friend's father was not finger-worked, he heard this, he chased the dog for the night in the barracks, and in the courtyard launched a lamb, who, by the way, did not touch his own, but the strangers were scorned at once. I don’t know the details, but the thieves got puzzles – one still walks with a trunk, the other has a very curved arm and a broken eye.

Baron then lived for a long time, but he never got on the shale, feeling old age with a scream - "in Valhalla!!!" He ran into the last battle with a huge tractor K-700.

In Chinese companies it is considered prestigious to hold Europeans. This means that the company can afford a foreigner and dilute the colour of narrow-eyed eggs in square meters. M is

Anon: So my friend was invited to work in a Thai hotel (a prestigious skyscraper), came to rest, spoke English - got a job with a good staff (standing at the reception), worked there for 3 years, was the only Russian in the hotel, he was even enrolled for a vacation (when he worked) to be more comfortable, because our even wealthy tourists can’t speak English.

I don’t understand, is it the job of a monkey or a white gentleman?

333 The monkey.

Conversation of two friends.

I visited him in guests...

Well and how? ! to

What can be said about a man whose pride is a rectangular plate in which you can cook all kinds of plates, attention: not breaking! ? to ...

Blythe, where he got that, I want it too!

She shot today:

People like you hold this world.

What is this quality that does not allow him to fall?

- you are from the rare male caste of "lovers of small boobs", God keeps you...

and stopped.



I do not consider 1.5 small, but nevertheless, men, we are the backbone of the nation!

I recently bought a subscription to a fitness club and it wasn’t so happy.

You come to the gym - all the figures and muscles are cooler than you do.

You come to the pool and everyone swims better and faster than you.

You come in the shower with all the scissors more than you do.

I am not created for fitness.

The city of Krasnodar Volgograd-Kazan. Due to the weather conditions from Krasnodar we depart noticeably later, and the connection in Volgograd is only 20 minutes. And here we are still in the sky, the descent does not even smell, and the landing on Kazan, judging by the landing ticket, has already begun. I approach the stewardess, and still, I seem to be late to do all we die. The stewardess with the poker face says you will have time for your Kazan.



Here the landing is over, and we are just descending, I am already in panic, but the stewardess’s poker face is unwavering. Finally, we sit down in Volgograd, I run to the right gate, trying to pick up the right words such as this is not me, this is the other plane and what should I do... And the landing in Kazan is just beginning. Not believing my luck, I sit in the transfer, we get to the plane, and there... THAT DAM! The same plane, the same crew and the same stewardess with a poker face on the board: I said you’ll be able to get to your Kazan.

The motto of the officials: "The power to sweeten when there is something to steal."

Swedes and buses.

The Soviet Union at the end of the 1980s. Restructuring and publicity are moving across the country, the Party and the government have allowed enterprises to conduct independent foreign economic activities.

I, a young specialist, work at one of the machinery factories, and we were attended by Western delegations with proposals for cooperation.

Our factory was large, and its passenger fleet consisted mostly of the “red” Ikarus, who doesn’t remember – large 40-45-seat buses with soft seats. At the time, in the cities of the USSR in general, there were very many "Ikarus": "yellow" used on urban routes, and "red" - excursion or interurban. And if the yellow "Ikarus" were somehow different from each other - single, "harmony" - then the red were all like twins-brothers.
In our factory, the red "Ikarus" in the amount of about a dozen were intended mainly for the exits of employees to the sub-chief farm "on the shelf", "seno", "kartoshka" and so on. And in the rest of the time, they were chased around the city as travelling cars, because Volg had nothing in the farm: the director, his couple and, of course, Partorg.

So, we receive another delegation from a solid Swedish firm in the number of two people. I am ordered to meet them in the hotel tomorrow morning and bring them to the factory. Transportation is of course factory. Our translator tells us:
"Listen, I met them today at Icarus, so they refused to get on the bus! They couldn’t understand why two people sent such a large transport. Elie convinced, almost pinks in the bus caught...
How do I deal with them tomorrow?
Don’t worry, they promised to give “Volga” tomorrow.

We have not cheated on Volga, and here we go to negotiate with the Swedes. Driving 20 minutes, they are men of company, fun, trembling about it. They can’t calm down:
- Yesterday my wife (one of them and his wife came) walked a long walk around your city, and then could return to the hotel on the bus! He is very proud of that! So I told her not to be too proud, and that I was also riding the city by bus!
In two minutes:
Why did you send us such a big bus? It’s fuel, ecology and everything else.
It must be said that environmental issues were already very relevant in Europe at that time, and the extent of our equipment’s impact on the environment was one of the important topics of the negotiations.
What I could answer:
Well, it’s logical: a big factory is a big bus!
“Okay, if so, we’ll get two buses tomorrow. They laugh. We are two!
Okay, two is two! I said the same with laughter.

The next morning no miracle happened: all our Volga were occupied and I was given Ikarus. We arrived at the hotel early, the driver stopped the bus right at the entrance, and I went inside waiting for the Swedes. They come down, we go out. And what I see: next to our "Ikarus" is parked the second one! Here, the main thing was to withstand the “dirty face”, but I managed! I turn to the Swedes and say this very seriously:
You asked for two buses, here are two buses. Who will go in which?

After I managed to catch the completely crazy and frightened Swedes in the hotel hall, I persuaded them for another ten minutes that it was just a joke and that the second bus just accidentally arrived!
We were a little late for the talks. :)

© EugeneSPB