A child of uncertain sex with a doll in his hands plays - runs on how much and high the border. The drunk man looked at him long and carefully and said:
If you are a girl, you are a very brave girl. If you are a boy, throw out a doll.

X: Now when drawing up the reference book found the company "Old Rom and Quiet Misha". XD is
Y: Ah, when Roma ceases to be diligent, Misha ceases to be calm.)

Today my son (7 years old) wrote a letter to Santa Claus: "Give Santa Claus." I want you to give me a new year plan. But if you’re telling me I didn’t deserve it, give it to your dad!

The children of the haishnikovs, when playing machines in the sandbox, are always sober, they have a state meter in order, the inspection is not delayed.

X: Dear, do you love me?
Y : Yes!
X: Will you do anything for me?
Y : Yes!
X: And even in the pop?
Y : Yes!
X is ?
Y: Dear, do you love me?
X is yes!
Y: Will you do anything for me?
X is yes!
Y: Well then don’t ask about the pop anymore.
X = (

On the weekend, Brother (B) and Dad (P) argued early in the morning, I just woke up:
Q: Don’t push these pimples! Find your grandmother!
B: I have tried it! It does not help!! to
Q: What have you tried?
B: Should I show you the pictures?! to
Q: Did you still take pictures?
B: I was still filming!! to
Q: So not one, but a lot! Everything will pass immediately!
B: And there will be many other interesting diseases.

X: We approached the car with my dad, he clicks and clicks – it doesn’t open, the key too, thought the battery sat down, stood and thought what to do. At work I realized that I won’t get... The type suits who says: Maybe it’s not your car? We look and really a little different color, pen, salon, discs... I fell:):) 5 years on it and I did not know
Z: :)))) and the car was that type?)))
X: No, he just sees another stand blinking :)

@almaximal: #Girls, don’t compete with #tarcans in the head #girls. The cockroaches will still win: they are always with her, and sometimes you are absent.

His son burned:
In school, I argued with Misha and Misha about the end of the world. If there is no end of the world, I will give them scraps; if there is, they will give me.
I thought about it and added:
"If you can"
:D

I tell you about eternity, and you tell me about her and ficus.

A friend wrote to me (working as a simple security guard in a jewelry store)... set up a chair to the window with gold, I wait for the end of the world. My descendants will dig me out of a pile of ashes, and everyone will think that I am the king in the tomb.

How great it is to work in a large office - sent a request with the topic:
Please select the Cisco WS-C2960-24TT-L Switch

He came back to me:
FW: RE: RE: FW: FW: FW: Please select the Cisco WS-C2960-24TT-L Switch to OUT
Maxime, do you have such a switch?

The grandson:
What happens if the water gets into the laptop?

The Grandfather:
You will get the neck.

By the way, the question! Is it true that astronomy is no longer taught in school?
and yes.
very sorry.
They teach the basics of Orthodoxy.
Take the Middle Ages!

Looking through the catalog of mobile phones, I found this:
"Nokia 203 Asha Grey"
Surprisingly, it’s not a three-dimensional...

Hubble, comment on the article that Curiosity is starting to drill holes on Mars.

Wearymax: Sleeping underground Marsians, seeing their Martian dreams – as suddenly DRRR-r-r-rrrrrr!!! (Some sort of moud to the top from the morning perforator!) :D

A woman cannot be believed, especially when she is telling the truth.

Can you own yourself?

This introduction to his story of an uncomfortable (sometimes) family life was told by my fellow-in-law, who looked at us on the light.
Before that, I hit someone’s wife. The dishes, you can see, were expensive. And I made her this claim in his presence and expressed it, like – she is an unsightly transjira, and I am a slave in her galleries.

“You know,” began Tolik his story, “I was also a fool when I was young.
Once he "raided" on the first wife, with her unrestricted (in my opinion) spending, two went on...
There are wives who are stupid, and there are wives who are smart. The first was smart. I didn’t wait for the third attack, and I didn’t like to get scandals either.
As you say, dear, I will not even touch the money in the box. But what you buy, I’ll cook... and just try to eat at the restaurant and say that you’re full.
And if you eat without pleasure what I will prepare from the foods brought by you, and you will not lick enough and rub your stomach from happiness, you will be burned.
Oh yeah! yeah! The problem is solved, but...
You think, the princess! I have seen such!
I had no idea how much!! It stands!! All this shit in the form of products. And I had no idea that all that is suitable for preparation is just NOT for sale.
(The goods were in the tables. Not after the war or during the war. This was in the 1980s, when even the pasta was on the bills.
She was a "cocktail", so we always had a full cup at home. I didn’t know what was going on in the food stores.
In short, from the restaurant (at a fucking price) I brought the whole head of Dutch cheese, somewhere on kg 25, and proudly said (miner, jupp!) is :
Be prepared!!! to

Day 1st. My favorite pasta with cheese.
Day 2nd. My favorite pasta with cheese, but I was told that the butter and pasta oil for tomorrow is over.
The third day. My favorite pasta with cheese and without oil, but I was told that the pasta for tomorrow is over, or rather, it is now over, but the cheese is left.
The fourth day. and cheese. My wife offered to cook him. I refused. Stir with a black swallow. with tea. Without sugar is over.
The 5th day. and cheese. There is no bread (it turns out that there was a 50-60 person behind him and I was lazy to stand). The tea is also deficient.
In short, the cheese is like that.
The 6th day. and hungry.
In principle, I do not look at carefully cut cheese slices.
Eating is very hunting.
It is the 6th day (night). My stomach is shaking, I can’t sleep.
I thought, I thought a lot. Or I earn normally for life, and I do not touch this economic hell... And, having crossed through my incomprehensible and in this case at all inappropriate pride of the “extractor”... Or...
No, I loved my first wife very much, so I didn’t eat at night in cafes and restaurants, but honestly tried to fulfill the niches of the agreement in the dispute.
I have lost.

In the morning, I woke up my wife, apologized, broke up.
In the morning, he ate (not known from where the oatmeal was taken).
I was absolutely happy. And I realized that your wife’s money and your ability to earn it are different things.
By the way, remember that too.

The PS:
I remembered and made a conclusion.

I am so funny about the question, “Do you have a second half?”
Faina Georgievna Ranevskaya once said:
The second half is in the brain, buttocks and pills. In the beginning I am whole!

What if tomorrow is really fucking?
XXX: How are you going to survive?
YYY: if real - yes, like... I will run in the subway...
If the zombie apocalypse is me
YYY: If a meteorite is halfway down
YYY: If the bombing - I am half-picked
YYY: If it will flood, I'll be fucked
xxx: if bisexual orgia, fuck me pussy