bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №139851
 22.03.2017
In principle, as I thought. I suggested "particularly hot" to include air conditioning, good on the street a small plus, and you can already. Oh my God, what an indignation! After all, the air conditioner blows on them, it's from the fortress - on me.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №139850
 22.03.2017
(After comparing the impasse with infusion)
xxx: I disagree, K. Only an intelligent being can attain asymptomatically close to absolute stupidity.
Because the mere absence of thought here is not enough, a willful act of denying it is needed.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №139849
 22.03.2017
Here you are divorced, and in the meantime the heirs of the Strugacki brothers have officially made available all the works of the brothers, including those not published. Everyone should read, B!

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №139848
 22.03.2017
One day I met a beautiful girl.

We went to the cinema, drank coffee, went for a walk. And it seems all well. I smile and shoot with my eyes. But it didn’t even come to kisses. Only in the cheek to say goodbye.

I was young and did not know the magic word for the letter "F". But by non-verbal signs, I realized that it was not lighting. Just as if he calmed down and stuck – it calls. Tom calls for a walk.

We went on a walk with Peter. As they went, I was told how she broke up with her ex-boyfriend and how bad she was. And when we reached the Palace Square, crowded with tourists, she said the classic:

Why can’t I just find a normal good guy?

I looked in focus at her. It is in the crowd of people around. With such a dreamy expression. Type: “Where is he, this guy...”

To say goodbye, I was kissed in the cheek.

Time has passed. Sometimes we read on the net. At some point she called again and with the same breath called for a walk.

We went the same route again. And while we went to the Palace, I was told how she was left without work and how she had accumulated delays on loans. And if she does not pay off the debt, it will be bad. They will be put in prison by evil banks. The only way out is to find someone who would take a loan on himself, repay her debt, and she would then give back.

But where to find such a man now... – she finished.

And she looked at me with wet eyes in focus. I watched a crowd of tourists. With such a dreamy expression: “Where is he, such a man...”

I kissed her for goodbye. In the face.

[ + 51 - ] Comment quote №139847
 22.03.2017
When my husband went out for a walk with his little son (the son was four years old), the whole children of the yard just hanged on him. He ran and rolled with them, on the carousel, and our little boy preferred quiet games in a sandbox with molds. One day we were called on the door, I open, and there a little boy stands and asks:
Would Vlad go out?
My husband’s name is Vlad.

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №139846
 22.03.2017
I love the untouched westerns.

It was in dark times. And in the enlightened 20th century - archaic wildness. Justifying Stalinism is written in the confession of the system of values of the wild cannibals.

You will be interested to learn how Churchill badly starved India, which was part of the British Empire. He overcame his subjects with hunger, yes. In the first half of the 20th century.
Archaic British wildness and cannibalism, they have no excuses.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №139845
 22.03.2017
<>[23:45:17] Elenaya_Belka: (thinkingly) when I have nostalgia, I open the screen, look at classmates and immediately let go

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №139844
 22.03.2017
It is so fun to play chess with her.
YYY: What exactly?
xxx: She has a crown phrase: "You are sho? Do you feel like that?"

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №139843
 22.03.2017
The road is wide and there are no cars on both sides. I, a phlegmatic high school student and a shabby kindergarten, stop at the red.
Younger: Let’s go?
The oldest: Noah, see the red light.
A grandmother comes with a truck and rushes across the road. The guys seem to be continuing a game.
The younger, is it a pity?
Elder: Grandma is old, she is old... No, it’s not a pity.
On the other side of the road crosses a thick uncle.
Younger: Isn’t it a pity?
Old man: You, look how thick he is, it's a pity to shoot down such a car.
I take a step from the sidewalk. The younger man immediately pointed to me with his hand.
The youngest: MMM
The oldest: Beautiful... once went on red, it means stupid.
Younger: Isn’t it a pity?
It’s a pity, even as a pity. Beautiful and stupid, just what you need, brother, what you need.
and :)

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139842
 22.03.2017
Added the idea:

<TopSpin>: A copying idea: A hot water meter that starts to rotate only when the temperature of the water passing through it advises or exceeds the norm. © by
<TopSpin>: How tired of the cold hot..

Even under regulatory pressure.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139841
 22.03.2017
In the Sberbank:
A man, a man, what a mess, why only one ATM works. When will it be okay, please answer?
Madam, see if I look like Greg. My name is Rabinovich and in general I stand with you in a row.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139840
 22.03.2017
Learned that I can view the history of search queries from your page.
I remembered what I was looking for in VK 7 years ago, and I was terrified...
Then he calmed. I am in Russia! The law enforcement authorities have nothing to do with me. And if there is a business, it doesn’t matter what I was looking for.

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №139839
 22.03.2017
Crimea is ours, but not all Russia yet.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №139838
 22.03.2017
About the experience of using the Kalashnikov machine in order to improve good-neighborly relations.
As a honest storyteller, I will immediately reveal the weaknesses of my research.
Automatic weapons are virtually illegal, especially in California. It is a semi-automatic rifle with a store of 10 ammunition. And the device that slows down the shift of shops - you need two hands.
So my Kalashnikov compared to my army weapons is like a housekeeper and a wolf. Outside, however, the Romanian Kalashnikov looked awful and realistic.
The second is that the present study is based on a large number of experiments and a comparison with the control group, a double-blind method.
I don’t have all that, unfortunately.
There is a story about a neighbor.
Neighbors are more important than relatives, says the saying, and I totally agree with it. I had great neighbors, great relationships, helped each other, drank beer and baked sausages.
Except for one.
He walked into the house in front of me, across the field, for golf.
The fences in the backyard are not erected - it is dumb to be protected from a beautifullyined grassland.
It was also established - dogs walk, go into the courtyards to communicate with each other, no one was concerned about dog souvenirs or there was a hole.
The new neighbor, however, was terribly irritated by my fools who visited his yard - he was chasing them and threatening them - nothing helps, when patroling the dogs considered themselves obliged to enter his territory and mark.
And then Christmas comes, congratulating the neighbors - I have not forgotten his, a healthy bottle of Standard, in my opinion even Platinum.
He started to congratulate and at the same time apologized for his dogs, crashed - as if it was normal.
Apparently everything.
Anne no - by spring, the situation has worsened, again he is fighting with the shit.
And one day, being well drunk, he announced to the whole field - said, he has a weapon and he will use it, will shoot the violators of his property.
In addition to the dogs, he was heard by me and his wife, who quickly pushed the bull into the house, accompanied by apologies before me for my husband’s rudeness.
I have thought...
Trying to do good?
I tried.
To throw him a bottle of vodka every time his territory is spotted?
You will not drink vodka.
A man is under two meters, a typical alpha – and in combination with alcohol he could potentially bring a threat into execution, which would lead to my retaliation and an immeasurable number of victims and tragedies...
Prevention is the basis of medicine, do not wait for an exacerbation - I have in my blood.
What to do?
How can you tell him that he doesn’t have a gun?
Will the price of its heat be high?
Reading is sometimes beneficial – from the depths of my childhood readings of Jack London emerged an episode of The Sea Wolf.
There, the main character is preparing for a fight with the chef: they are long pushing their knives to the foot - until the cocks give up their nerves and he is not going to the world.
Said is done.
Shaking and threatening with guns is a crime in itself, so I went the other way.
A good Saturday afternoon - sunshine, the neighbor went out to cut the grass.
I didn’t cut the grass, I had a bigger thing to do.
It was this day that I had to show my concern for Kalashnikov.
He pulled out a table for disassembly and lubrication, placed a cleaner in the field of sight of the neighbor, greeted him and went deeper into the work of caring for weapons.
Slowly and carefully – and most importantly, lawfully.
Finished, gathered, kicked for goodbye, cleaned the table and lubricated.
Five years have passed since that sunny Saturday.
Nothing but kindness and politeness to me and my dogs I have seen from the neighbor.
Can I claim that this was a result of Kalashnikov’s therapy?
As a man of the scientific mind, no.
But the modification of the method of knot and spice to the method of vodka and Kalashnikov is rightly named by my name in our family traditions.
Good neighbors to you!

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139837
 22.03.2017
If you were put in jail, you stole little. And if you have been imprisoned in the Duma or government, you have stolen enough.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139836
 22.03.2017
Could you sell me this pen?
The pen? The pen is somewhat small, let me sell you an elephant.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №139835
 22.03.2017
Research by American scientists has shown that the human brain refuses to believe what it does not like. Their conclusion: it is useless to inspire something to a person and convince him if he already has his own established point of view. A person rejects information that he does not like on the subconscious level.

Xxx: American scientists cut out the palm of the British.

Zzz: I have understood this without any scientists for a long time. People believe what they want to believe, often completely ignoring common sense.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №139834
 22.03.2017
Once at work, computers in accounting were changed to more powerful. Instead of seven, there was Windows XP. A little girl comes to me, looks at the monitor and is surprised:"And why do you also write Windows XP, you are Smirnov?"I depend—and what is the connection between my name and the screw? " Well how is it! I am Khrushchev – I have Windows He-Air."

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №139833
 22.03.2017
I. OCreativists just started to believe that shit is content too. It also needs to be created. They have not yet realized the difference between exercise and discharge.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №139832
 22.03.2017
Showing the story of training sappers in Syria. Our High Officer speaks:
There is a rule that sappers only make a mistake once. I want you to never break that.

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