I go in to hope for a five (for vodka, of course). I took vodka and went to the box. In front of me is the turn: a man is paid, behind him are teenagers - a guy with a girl aged 16 to 20. A man cries out to a girl like this:

I slept with you, but that doesn’t mean I’m yours.

He responds with the same bitterness:

Change the cassette.

I understand that this is a kind of youthful joke, because they both crack, and she calls him “Morgenstern unworked.”

An unwavering treasurer breaks through their endless chips and cookies and slows down energy before the bank.

Show me your passport.

- Oh yeah, I left the right in the car, I will bring happiness, try, I will bring happiness, you will see, - it all went from the mouth of a teenager to an already young cashier. I thought it was also a modern joke, or maybe even a fashion song.

- Show the passport - these cassiers are truly untouchable.

What kind of kitchen? Everybody knows me, nobody asks me anything. This is an overturn by the teenager.

The cashier puts the energy on the side:

It is 256 rubles. Card or cash?

- The card, - crushes the teeth of the unsuccessful buyer of energy, who was disgustingly embarrassed in the eyes of the whole public, and in addition to the beloved girl.

I finally pierced my favorite vodka plus a pack of cigarettes. I go out on the door and taste good.

Let me smoke, let me smoke!

Oh, it was drawing a cool boy out of line again. Nearby is his passion (is it funny to say, do they know that word?)

At first, I just wanted to send him where the grown-up uncles should be sending the young ones. But then I remembered the cruel and unbearable face of the cashier:

Show me your passport.

You would see the face of this ungrown macho. And also the laughter of his girlfriend)))

My mother was 16 years younger than my father, that is, when he was 50, she was 34 years old. She is a young and beautiful woman who had three children at the time. His father, despite all his positive traits of character, was very jealous of her. How hard I can only guess. I remember several cases, but one was the most impressive for me.

One day, my mother took me from the kindergarten and took me home. The road to the house passed through the railway, in the place of crossing the railway was a heat car, and in the cabin the mechanic, he with a short signal attracted our attention and sent an air kiss.

I asked my mother, “What did my uncle show?” “It’s an air kiss,” she replied, “And to whom did he send it? “Of course for you,” my mother replied.

God, what was happening in my soul was a fireworks of joy, happiness, life played with new colors, all the way home I imagined myself beautiful.

Upon returning home, the first thing I ran to my dad to tell him the good news, I shared with him the emotions, happiness flung out of me. My mom and dad talked about it in the kitchen.

But I wasn’t interested, I was a princess and a beauty.

Far 98 years, the dollar in the area of 7-8 rubles. I’m 8 years old and I’m a family: Mom and Dad.

Dad bought a TV. modern, with a controller, and not at all likely, as I thought at the time, to replace the old "Record", to which you need to walk with your feet, if you want to switch the channel.

I sat a new telephone with my mom and dad in the bedroom. And that means for another day in school, which seemed to happen with constant frequency - I get a ban from my father to watch TV during the daytime while my parents are at work all day. Verbal prohibition, no passwords, parental controls, etc. was not protected. Why when parents are not home all day and don’t turn on the incredible FoxKids channel at the time where 24/7 cool cartoons went, where dad will find out that I was watching the TV?



The day 1.

I fly from school - I turn on the TV and from noon to evening, just not moving away from it, I watch Pendosov cartoons one after the other on the above-mentioned channel. I turn off for 20 minutes before the arrival of my parents I mean a telephone, and I pretend that lessons lessons and only lessons occupied my whole day. Dad comes home, enters the bedroom and calls me out of the room, where I sit over a Russian language textbook and pretend to be a student. The further dialogue:

Why did I watch TV? I have forbidden.

I – I did not watch! (Stanislavsky would take me wherever I could.)

I watched and I know it!

In short, it was evident that he did not bluff and did not take the pot. He knew I was watching the TV. I got a hike and went to bite the granite of science until I was repelled.



The day 2.

All day in school, I thought: How could he know that I was watching a TV? I probably turned it off late, and it was still warm before his arrival, I probably did not fix the bed and it was visible that I was lying on it all day, and yet I did not put the control where I took. and all! Everything will be perfect today!

I fly home from school - I remember the location of objects before my intervention - I watch cartoons all day - I turn off for 1.5 hours before the arrival of the inspector, that the telephone would have time to cool, I put everything in the places where I took, I level the bed - I sit in the classroom - comes the father.

P – Come here my friend! (heard from the bedroom)

I – what happened? O_o (going into the bedroom)

Why did you watch TV again?

I - but I did not watch! (Stanislavsky wipes a tear from his cheeks)

P. gives me the nobles of such lilies, and I go into the hall, very upset no longer by the fact that they were abused, but by the fact that he did not bite the scheme as he learns that I was watching the telephone!



The Day 3.

All five lessons in school I thought about the bottom: I miss something, I miss something very important.



I couldn't understand - how he understood that I was watching the TV!

When I got home, I sat down against the TV off and looked at it. I thought about all the actions I did while watching the calf, and I wanted to guess how I left traces!

Taking the controller in my hands, I gently pressed the switch button. And then a huge light of awareness shone upon me from the sky! The TV is on 8 channels. The TV kept the channel on which it was turned off! (to the word "record" so did not know, and always turned on from 1 channel) Immediately I was enlightened that I can still remember the volume on which the TV was turned off, so I did, remembered the value of the volume and channel on which my friend was turned on for the whole day!

I watched cartoons all day - for 1, 5 hours before the time X I put the channel on which I was, I exhibit the volume that was - I turn off the telephone - I clean up the room - I put everything in my place - I sit in the hall for lessons. Father is coming. My heart wanted to get out of my chest and go to sunset, for the third time to be caught is a nightmare, the belt and my ass meet 100%.

P is excellent! Go here...

I am? ? to ? to ? to ? to ? to (Stanislavsky nominates me for all the awards that only exist in the theatre)

Q. You watched TV.

I am -

P - *#@$%^*&$@&*#$*@&#%! #$ and (! *#%(# and%^!



In short, I was in despair... I was empty of the idea of revealing my father’s scheme as a three-liter bank... My inner Stirlitz was uncovered once again and the instinct of self-preservation whispered to my ear – there was no attempt at all, Barikx you broke everything, reconcile and watch “Record” in the hall – where there was no Fox Kids channel...



The day 4.



I have to do it, I have to bite the algorithm of his actions when he comes home! I must solve the mystery of the century and commit the perfect crime.

I the TV. The pult. There is nothing more in this world. We remained three. I know that if I press the switch button now, there will be no way back. I was sitting and looking at the controller, I was looking at every button and wanted to understand what to press here, that would be carelessly watching for the rest of my life TV in secret from my father. I noticed one button. This is the return button to the previous channel. (who did not understand: there is a button on the controls, return to the channel that you watched before that on which you are now, i.e. you watched 7 - moved to 1, if you press this button - the TV will switch to 7)

My life was divided into before and after. I realized that when my dad comes home, he turns on the TV, presses that button, and the telecast naturally throws it on my favorite Fox Kids!



I turn on the TV, remember the channel that turned on, press the return button to the previous channel, remember the channel to which the telephone switched.

All day I watch the telephone - for 1, 5 hours I turn on the channel that was before, I switch to the channel that was when turned on, I expose the volume, I turn off the telephone, I clean up in the bedroom.

I sit in the room... I wait for the keys in the door to start ringing like my lever from fear. The father comes in, greets the excellent man and goes into the bedroom. To say that adrenaline I could have sold in the market at the time - nothing to say. The fear was incredible. I sat and waited every second - that he would call me as 3 days in a row before that...

One minute of silence from the bedroom seemed to me a year, I waited and waited... 2 minutes – 3 minutes – 5 minutes – and absolutely nothing... silence... It was Victory! Winning at my 8 years on my father =)

The perfect crime. I put everything on the last attempt and she was successful!



Then I watched the telecast all the days performing this algorithm of action when turned off and caught I was no longer...



p.s Yesterday, sitting in a restaurant with my father, I told him this story, he of course laughed a long time, and at the end said: If you told me then that you bite this algorithm, I would never ban you from watching the telecast again and would not press for your “Successes” in school!



All are good.

What you can do to get a diploma. I will never forget the feeling when the scientific director closed with me in the office, bowed to me and whispered with an intimate half whisper: "now we will determine the type of drozofiles by chrams, the smallest in the desired species."

Then we looked at the flying letters. And indeed the smallest.

Oh yes, sometimes teachers sometimes give surnames. The first acquaintance with the class, the teacher calls by list, remembers. It reaches the end of the list and...

The black man!

(They are all silent)

He is not? The black man! Who is the black man?

A man stands up and answers:

I am not a black man, my name is a black man.



P.S. If you read this, hello to you.

Self-confident infallibility makes us stupider, and infallibility makes us stupider.

is more dangerous!

When I was taken to the restaurant, I was told not to pronounce the word "rat" at work, but to say "Nikolai". After all, if guests accidentally hear that rats are visiting us...
And so - "Yesterday evening in the warehouse Nikolai was seen, again the strawberries bite," - decently.
We fought, and sometimes we won. The kitchen and warehouse are closed hermetically. Poison was thrown. The sticky traps were rejected, because one day the bride grabbed like a whore who entered the kitchen at night. “The bird is sorry!” The sentimental hostess said. None of the dozens of spring mouse strikes in my memory ever worked.
And the most fairy Nicholas unobtrusively entered the restaurant, stumbling under the parade door, and stumbled through the whole hall under the bar stand. In winter, late in the evening, I went to warm up.
I didn’t see it, but I heard: a dozen ladies and the mistress were hanging in a choir!!! We picked up the knives and jumped out to protect the facility. The most striking of all was a dishwasher armed with a plastic hose. With this spell and was soon markedly covered by the naughty nicola.
One man at the end of the evening approached the hostess, thanked for the determined actions of the staff, left the phone. “If, I said, who will complain, I’m witnessing that the rat has come from the street.”
“Nicolas,” the housewife corrected.

In the New Year, all fun and fun concerts are cancelled. Will the President’s New Year’s congratulations take place?