bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №101017
 26.07.2014
When I begin to burden my wife with her problems (for example, at work), she responds after listening to me: “Just don’t get rid of me and fuck me.”
All good and understanding women.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №101016
 26.07.2014
I read about the beneficial properties of chickpeas. Okay, it is mentioned in the works of Avicenna and Theophrastus, but when it came across the "Avicenna appointed"...
Maybe a mistake? A, no, then again Avicenna "designated"...
It may hint to the author that Ali Abu Ibn Sina is... A man?? to

[ + 34 - ] [9 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101015
 26.07.2014
Everyone with Khloosrachi is going to Khnoy from the resource! And the paid propagandists are the worst!
Russians - fuck off the Ukrainians, let them live as they want.
Ukrainians - do not write on the Russian resource your political mute, we have enough.
There are plenty of forums and fight and fight with your friends there even before the blue.

The men who will write about this here will fall away. Women grow up the opposite. Because not Hanoi.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №101014
 26.07.2014
This is:
------------
Marie: I’m evil by myself, and he has a favorite question "Zay, do you have PMS?"
Marie: Yes, damn, I have 1.5 weeks before the MS, then a week after the MS, and then another 1.5 weeks after the MS.
Lina: By the way, yes. And suppose it will be with him during pregnancy...
Mary: Watch the cave at three o’clock at night, I’m scared that there’s a butterfly! Get up and go, you naive slave!! to
------------

Are you afraid to be alone with your child?

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101013
 26.07.2014
I add :
This is:
From the discussion of the military committee’s medical committee, about how they take both healthy and sick:
XXX: I have a feeling.
XXX: Come to them.
XXX: to die
xxx: Then they will say "pff"
xxx: "This is the same actor"
xxx: "Just not to go to serve"
Bayani is a hundred year old.
Read Yaroslav Hashev.

And the lie:

The doctor examined the body.
And he made his conclusion:
Even though the soldiers spoke,
But generally fit in order.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №101012
 26.07.2014
I live in a new building. A brother from the village brought a lamb. In order not to wake up the child decided to break in the entrance, on the cloth with a tourist towel. In parallel, I tell my husband, who recorded the former baruch, as acquaintances of the unhappy neighbor of the policemen called. On the phrase "....because now at night it will be quiet", new neighbors came out of the elevator. I think we should try to communicate with our neighbors in a different way.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №101011
 26.07.2014
I know what a sexy girl is. This is when I get on her phone number.

[ + 17 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101010
 26.07.2014
The market for garden plants in Russia is more than a billion dollars.
Mobile gaming market in Russia – $165 million
yyy: This means that plants are beginning to buy games.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №101009
 26.07.2014
This is "P.P.S. Didn’t the joke seem funny? Write your own!"
One of my favourites, from the series "The Soprano Clan": The Pope and the Jew Die. Both are in Paradise, and both are distributed in Paradise according to their earthly merits. After a while, the Pope finds the Apostle Peter and asks:
I, the faithful servant of the lord, devoted my whole life to the church, I was righteous and promoted the word of God, I was the ruler of God on earth, and I was then given a modest place in the corner of the garden of paradise with a small hut. And to the guy with whom I arrived, a luxurious villa in front of the Paradise Gate! However, I doubt that he visited the temple of God at least once a week. Tell me what he did, and what did I blame the gentlemen for?
The Apostle Peter replies, a little confused: You see, we have here the popes of Rome, a pond of ponds, and this one of us is the first accountant-Jew.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №101008
 26.07.2014
They are surprised by such mythopaths who sit on the neck of their ancestors until they themselves retire and loudly demand that they do not climb into their lives. You first set up your life, and then demand it. Full of such beautiful and beautiful people. They live with their parents, all the grandmothers who earn (if they work at all) spend on themselves.
At work, such a mummy boasts how independent he is and how he bought himself a car at 22 years old (in credit). All of his ZP goes on credit, gasoline and cigarettes, lives with royals. The parents pay for the apartment, feed and dress the parents. Money, too, they sometimes give a boy young to him and sometimes want to walk.
The independent shit.
___

I am only 22 years old, but I still live with my parents. Why is?
1st First of all, I love them very much. Neither I prevent them from living, nor they prevent me.
2nd My mother is a disabled, since my 15 years in front of my eyes she has almost died about 5 times. I appreciate every moment I see her.
Three I am a late child. My parents are 50 years old and they need someone close.
I study part-time and work, more than half of my work leaves my parents, and I do not regret it. When difficult times come, they will help me too. No one holds me here - at any time I can take a trip to my friends, to my personal life, to another city. But nothing of this can replace the feeling that is only in my father’s house.
And I am very upset by the stereotypes that a person who lives with his parents is a loser. Love your parents ♥

[ + 30 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101007
 26.07.2014
Yesterday, in order not to get to the office through the city floor, I came to sleep with my brother, from whom he was closer. I was on my feet for the second day, and I still needed to work with the site, according to my spells somewhere at noon.
And so, my brother was warned of my nightly vigil, the computer turned on, the headphones were cut off from my brother - he slept in the same room, and with the help of music I hoped to raise the fighting spirit wrapped in the passing aural and increase the productivity of work.
After a while, I realized that neither Crematory nor Skipknot put me in, and under Gotsu totsu kotsu I SLEEP, the discography of AQUA was found on the comp.
As my brother later told me, waking up from the noise, he observed a wonderful picture: illuminated by the pale light from the monitor, a shaved man and a man with a red beard was sitting at the table, who groomed to sing Barbie girl.

[ + 26 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №101006
 26.07.2014
The Medieval Idealist:
===
I am a supporter of Ivan the Terrible. Are you stealing or taking bribery? Cut off the hands. The murderer? Cut off the head. The rapist? by Kol. The Dirty? The fourth. The falsifiers? Drink, my friend, of the melted lead. The Tate? Hang on the roof on the road for everyone's sight. A honest man? Nothing threatens you.
===
Who will decide if you are honest or not? A judge whom your competitor took on the leg; a sergeant who threw you a bag of drugs during a search; your option?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №101005
 26.07.2014
Father brought an air rifle.
In two days, I had to take a pack of cigarettes through the whole area.
He, when he learned about the results, brought me a female sports carpet.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №101004
 26.07.2014
Marketing in Russian, Episode 6.

Calling on the home phone. I take the phone. Aunt with such a wicked voice as if I was the most disgusting villain in the universe, who had been hiding for a long time, but who was finally calculated: "Now the operator will talk to you, wait!"!" I think:"Now all fucking me". Here an operator connects, who begins to scream at me that there are no more kinds of gondons like me in the world, because I have delayed the credential of water meters! He urges me to come here and there. In a slight shock, holding the pipe with my right hand, I left handed the documents on the counter, which prescribed the deadlines for verification after 2.5 and 4.5 years for hot and cold, respectively. "Fuck!" I’m sending to the fuck. With a feeling. No more calls.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №101003
 26.07.2014
X: During the romantic scene in the movie, I could only regret looking at the sandwich thrown out by the lovers.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №101002
 26.07.2014
Comments on the phrase "Plants also have feelings! Eat the cows!"

Cows also have emotions. Eat the stones.

The stones also have feelings. Eat with Kristen Stewart!

ZZZ: Christ has... yeah yes.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №101001
 26.07.2014
here here :

The Pizzeria. The radio in the cabin is dumb - it only plays a bass game. I hear nothing like that. Increase the volume - Stas Mikhailov %)
— — — —

Nothing surprising, he grabbed the bubble and hired traveling musicians.
Here a funny case was, as in the city forum stumbled on the forum game "guess the melody". They lay out fragments of melodies, where without words, you have to figure out which team is playing. And there have gathered such "spice" on the Paphos, fans of different hard fate directions, children/black metal, hard rock in a super-original manner and the like. The rockers, in general. Moreover, Russian rock for them - shit, Makarevich lies, Kinshev retardation, Tsoy for young children, BG for drug addicts, and Zemfir - in general pop. Well, I decided to post, put out a piece of instrument from a famous song. And it began:
Well, this is another matter!
This is not a Russian spell!! to
Fuck me, I’m going to be impatient!! to
What a familiar... say it!!! to
By the way, nobody guessed.
The game for 2 weeks shamefully stung when I put out the same piece with a continuation, already with words.

P.S. It was a loss before singing from Zemfira about "You want sweet oranges".

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №101000
 26.07.2014
Which batteries? Progress does not stand still. A friend gave me a toy. Charges via USB, remote control, 12 modes + customizable, one mode in touch sounding music.
Smoke on the Water is the best song of all time. Especially in the performance of the orchestra.

[ + 37 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №100999
 26.07.2014
Day of service (I and my class attend school). Summary of the day. Girl Dasha quietly boils: I don’t want to wait with the kids anymore!
I: What is it about?
Essence: Dasha stands on the corner of the corridor, the corner is straight (otherwise a person would not have been placed on it). The task is to prevent injuries by preventing the movement of students running through the dangerous area.
First class girl: Don’t run!
First class does not hear. She is running.
Girl, don’t run away.
The first class did not hear. She runs back.
Dasha, boiling and very loudly: Girl, don’t run.
First class girl: I’m trying to do it!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №100998
 26.07.2014
From baby: 1 - And I finally cooked the BORST!!I never cooked, then I decided, I am a woman, so I have to cook it at least once! I cooked on Sunday, only yesterday they ate, I didn't make pictures.I did a chicken broth under the peelmen (my husband cooked peelmen twice on it), with cabbage, potatoes and sausages (we need something meat). I am so happy that I am becoming a real wife and how do you cook borscht? - How is it on the water, where the peelmen boiled twice?1- He not only cooked them on the water, but with chicken bouillon, dissolved which, with greens.At the same time, and peelings as in a restaurant, and borscht to the surprise of all of the ugigenese tasty=)3- buga-yo-yo, 5 day borscht on peelings washes of the day, with the addition of a chemical bouillon (I even got a cat like this to grind would start) and she regret us... in the restaurants of peelings... his mother so... and what about Ekaterinburg so severe)))---that is, that borscht was with COBASSA(!Quote: "We need something meat", no one was surprised? OOO
— — — —
And I had another thought... What in this family, in addition to the chemical broth, feeds my husband that he praised such a "borship"? O_O

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