An old, but relatively harmless aviation-military joke. For those who are not familiar with military aviation, personnel are fed for free (both flight and technical, but according to different norms). Previously even dining rooms were different, then in the 90s combined. Servants, white cakes, several dishes to choose from. In the second, the garnery always consisted of two parts (half of the purple, half of the oatmeal, for example). That is, the memories. The very salt of the joke, strangely enough, consisted precisely in the "white salt death": someone caught the fly and threw it into the soup and there was poured out a sauce of salt. Then the waitress was called and needed to replace the "first". Replacement was done, as a rule, unquestionably, and the table was shut up in anticipation of disconnection. After some time, a loud cry of indignation spread across several tables: "Well, what a fool has so much exaggerated!!!!“”

When I get to know the new class, I read the name and surname of each, I ask to raise the hand to see the child. As always, the first reading is not without curries. I warn the children in advance not to be offended. But this time it was different...

I am I, D is children.

I: So, we have timers (read with emphasis on E)

You are the first to read correctly!!! to

I: It wasn’t difficult (and in my head right away: “For THEMERY!!!”)

This is how the Witch helped me easily get into the circle of children.

Once, I was arranged a traveling admin for money. Everyone was attached to their clients, and I was placed in emergencies, such as an ambulance. A good thing. In these four months, I have seen so many accidents that I can’t count. All sorts of blue screens, white smoke from the body and so on. And I have an experience, clean ten years have come up by that time. Well, it is understandable, in my farm I just never brought to such a point that the computer from birth never understood until the hard is covered. With all the accounting, ah.

One case I remembered and I now tell it to young admins as an anecdote-instruction. I was invited to the accounting office of a small but well-known publisher. The black screen. Of course, it happens.

I sat down, turned on the computer. There is a bios, there are booklets, then instead of the screens a black screen. The light bulb flashes, as usual. The VGA cable? No, there were booklets in the bios. Video drivers are flying? No, it would be seen. The monitor blinked? I turned off the monitor and turned it on. The black screen. The second monitor to check, no. I regretted that it was not Linux, so maybe in the neighboring console would be able to get out. With a short double press, I turn off the computer. I lay under the table, pulling the rubber on the food block. Well, the fuck knows, with a drum, there is nothing to jump if there is no thought. I Include. I go to the bios - nothing unusual, the key is normal, the video built-in. It’s a pity that it won’t work, and the booklets are here. I am out of bios. Loading and black screen. Double press, turn off, turn on, F8, safe mode. The black screen. and fucking.

And it has been 7 to 8 minutes, for this time the accountant has already managed to go in three times and ask how things are and what is so long.

I turn my mind again. Wood - no, video card - no, cable - no, monitor - no, everything is not. Ordinary accounting in accounting. The monitor... Here I lean to the table and see three cables going from the back of the monitor. The WTF? It turns out the day before that my colleague, attached to this publishing house, configured the server, connecting it to this comp DVI cable and so it turned on the monitor and left. One end in the monitor, the other on the floor. Windy, feeling that this monitor port was busy with something, pulled him in. Wow to all of you. Everything is ready, take it. And he made a fat side on his nose - before looking at an unfamiliar computer in the front, bypass it from behind for surprises.

The next day the boss calls. “How is it?” He asks. I tell how things are. “Someone has to go to the publisher again.” “Well I go.” “No is. They ask for another master, they say, you sent us something new yesterday, we asked him to help, and he was sitting like a dude, looking at the black monitor for ten minutes.

Sometimes it’s much easier than you think :)

An ordinary morning call.

Don’t go to the computer, you can go.

I will now.



I calmly go in a good mood, again a capsule, a numb, not that paper, not that button, etc. Well, what do you have? Here, I type a password, and the computer restarts. Hm, a little worse than I thought, but not scary, let’s fix. I try, really, starts the system login, 2-3 seconds, restart.



Wind of Seven. I tried the manager, the same result. Go to Safe Mode. Everything is okay, everything works, the Internet is there, the antivirus does not bother, in the events only numerous, unexpected completions of work.



I watch the car loading, everything is normal, I watch the programs, nothing special. I clean up the unnecessary. I try to load, the same. Again a safe system.



The first thought, something starts loading and cuts the system. There is virtually nothing in the car. I try it, I try it, zero. Okay, for any case, I’m browsing another antivirus, including a check. Too much time has passed for such a problem. On the compact, the usual hard and reboot are tired. While the antivirus checked, removed and removed something else.



Antivirus says everything is fine. I try it, zero. well well. I have to turn off 2-3 services. I turn off, reboot, turn off, reboot. I pulled the wires for the case, zero.



Arrived at the network. I turned off. I reboot it, it works! well well. I issue, admin rights and turn on the network service, immediately restart. It is great! The problem narrowed and I will fix it soon, I thought.



Safe mode, I include everything I disconnected, I cut off the network card, restart, it works. Turn on the network, restart. Great, some program when the network appears, something begins to do and this leads to a reboot, or the network itself slides. In safe mode, it works perfectly.



I remove everything I can, it doesn’t help. Time is going. By the way, if it were not the computer of the chief accountant, on which a lot of everything, I would not have been involved for 5 minutes, I would immediately reinstall everything and forget. But this is another! Backups are made once a week, something every day, and there is a general backup. But in time, as it seemed easier to find a problem, I thought so.



After a while, I have the following. If you pull out the network cable, everything works, even if the grid is turned on. It needs to be removed, immediately removed. All drivers have been updated. A separate network card was inserted and removed, which behaved the same way.

I sit and dumb. There is still a version that someone breaks in Inet when it appears. However, I have already removed everything, including the antivirus and turned it off. I get the parameters by DHCP, I prescribe manually, zero. I just try to leave a locker. It works!



and Taak! The problem completely narrowed. Restart occurs only when the Internet appears.

Meanwhile, it’s about lunch, I’m sitting awkwardly long.

What else to check? Is this the internet? I go to the neighbor’s computer and pick up a proxy. I connect to. It works!



Give it up! Dear accountant, you can work, but I won't let you go for the computer, because it's a nonsense that I don't understand, and I'm going to understand further.



So then. Everything works, there is the internet. I turn on, install, and return everything as it was. Everything works great.



and OK. I prescribe the gateway, reboot. Again safe mode, I clean the gateway. Everything works.

Restart occurs if a gateway is written on the network card. That is, the main router sends invisible rays of death and kills everything.



I sit and dumb. I no longer think about time. There is a hunt, the accountant has already sent a walk.

What else to try? I go to the router and change the address. He was 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 is



I put another. I Include. It works!



What? ! to I am in shock.



Soon, I write the gate back 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 is The reboot!

I write in the gate, any numbers, everything works. As of 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 to restart. I look for these numbers in the register, without hope. Zero of emotions.



The situation is wonderful. It works, but what is it? ! to

Changing the router address is not an option. It is easier to make a proxy. Check it all works. Leaving, for any case, I kill magic numbers again, reboot.



It’s been more than six months, I didn’t fit this compass anymore. There was acasia to change the hard to the SSD. I remember the problem. I try, everything is old, reboot sweet)

I plug in the SSD, install the Windows. Interesting one is to find out who it was that confused me so a few months ago. Wendy, she is the same. In the new system, everything works well.



I left that window. It has been more than a year, recently loaded, tried, all the old way.



The mystery is still relevant. The computer restarts when you hit the gate 192. and 168. 0 0 0 11 and turn off the cable.

I worked in a company as an engineer, where moderate drunkenness was not denied. Well, that is, drinking a glass of beer at lunch was considered quite fine things. And next to the office was just a delicious German dining room, where when ordering a full lunch they poured a glass of beer for free, which we repeatedly used. So, my colleagues and I went for lunch, they brought us a beer, and immediately a healthy black fly fell into my glass. The waitress makes her big, frightened eyes and pronounces the phrase from which I fall under the table: “Thank God, she has drowned! Working all day, I couldn’t catch it! Now I’ll replace you with a beer and bring +1 as a thank you.”



Now I have the suspicions that the girl was well instructed to immediately issue such phrases on emergency situations, and most likely the phrase was long learned. But I still want to believe that the girl was just ingenious.

One day, a little boy returned from a "course" from his grandmother quietly. All night he behaved well, not capricious, ate all dinner, obediently went to bed.

As he lay in bed, he whispered:

“Mommy, is it true that the disobedient boys are being sent to work in a factory to wrap cakes into paper?”

Over the memory of the heroes of the war glimps those who are perfectly aware that they would give up in the first second.

My wife brought me a melody: let’s buy it! Flowers and everything. I got overwhelmed, made a few calls and on a beautiful May day with my wife and child went to arrange a surprise for them. The house was 20 minutes from the house, had a beautiful brick flange 3x3, electricity and fruit and berry plantations. All the weekend I cut grass, and my wife planted flowers – a holiday home, not potatoes. The next weekend I excavated the land, and my wife roasted the strawberries. Then I planted cucumbers, zucchini (what land to lose), and my wife was driving with me less and less... On a beautiful autumn day, sitting at the extinguishing fire, my wife told me: “You know, husband... Probably the land is not mine... Let’s sell it?” But then the wife repeatedly admired the wisdom of her husband. And for the “saved” money we went to the sea.

Good night! A vodka, please
is finished. Pepsi is going?
Let it go.
For the first time in my life, I tried Pepsi.