bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №153491
 27.12.2019
I installed some kind of metal doors with a homeopath. In a four-story house for 70 apartments. Two metal doors in the basement. Well, as I established... In the general assembly of tenants I was elected responsible for this case. I will be silent about collecting money and catching especially "hit on the head", for years I do not want to remember the bad. But it was possible to break quickly, after taking a tough position: "who did not give the money - gets one key and no pipe," although the scream and listened.



And here is the desired day, the brigade arrives and begins to set up everything. Everything smoothly, without excessive fanaticism when dismantling the old, generally people know how to work. And here at the very end of the reception of work I find a cushion... Well, how a cushion? The Cossack. The small. It was not enough for a third of a bubble of foam, one basement door to the end of the perimeter to foam. It was not calculated and it was too late to buy.



“Lord, let’s count, sign the acts, tomorrow we will come, we will sing.

- No, you will come tomorrow, sing, then the acts, and the calculation.



In general, after mutual reproaches and calls to the accounting office, I agree that I "press" the acts and five thousand (year 10 ago), and after the work, I give the money and acts to the worker who came. “Tomorrow, I’ll give a tooth.” In principle, I believed, a bubble of foam against five thousand, and even at that price...



No one came tomorrow. And the afternoon. And in a week.

A month later I was called.

You owe me 5,000.

I know

When will you pay?

As soon as yours come and remove the shortcomings, I will immediately pay and sign.

What is not done?

One door must be closed to the end.

They will come tomorrow.



Another month has passed.

Good morning, I owe you 5,000.

I know

When will you pay?

As soon as yours come and remove the shortcomings, I will immediately pay and sign.

What is not done?

Ask the masters, money and acts are waiting for them.



Of course no one came. A month later I was called again and asked to call the director again. The man is obviously angry.

Why are you not paying your debt?

Because your employees have not been able to cope with a shortage of 20 minutes for three months.

The accountant says that all the work is done, the acts are ahead of me.

“Well, I’ll come in tomorrow and see together if the signature looks like mine, I didn’t sign anything.

Judging by the voice, the man is obviously confused.

What is not done?

One door must be closed to the end.

And all that?

Yes, a third of the bubble of foam affairs, acts and money I have.

I will call you back.



I called back.

Man, you owe us nothing. Can you buy a bubble of foam and lock the door yourself with that money?

- Of course, but maybe it's better for the worker to come in and pay, and I give him the money?

It is no longer your problem.



Naturally no one came in. I called a worker and cried out that I had put him up for five thousand rubles (at the price of ten years ago). He promised to come and fill his mouth. How many years have I lived in fear?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №153490
 27.12.2019
It all happened in 1998, when I was 6 years old. In August, there was pain in the stomach. Mom, of course, immediately pulled me to the doctors, suspecting appendicitis, but the doctors of ultrasound in the focus do not see it. I remember it all, 20 years have passed. In the middle of the night, I was taken home to the wing. The child surgeon was a relative of family friends. The city is small and there is only one hospital. He sent to a really wonderful ultrasound doctor who immediately saw and said, literally, he was like an adult man was swollen!

Then I remember nothing exactly, an operation like appendicitis broke out while being taken to the hospital. I do not know exactly when it broke out, but peritonitis did not appear disappointingly. Then, a week later, a second operation due to peritonitis. The surgeon then found the contacts of his father. He called, drove, forced to bring medicines, syringes. I remember 98 years. There is no security in hospitals. On the nerves after the second operation while I was lying with drainage tubes, the surgeon broke my leg from nervous itching. I learned this at a more conscious age.

Of course, I remembered the names and the surgeon and the doctor of ultrasound. Especially since during the daily visit the surgeon was kind and very kind. My childhood consciousness remembered him forever.

And then, many years later, when it was time to get a medical certificate for a driver’s license, I read it at the surgeon’s office. Until the murders. I go, standard questions, and I say to him: You saved my life in the 98s. He looked at me, smiled modestly and dropped his eyes into the papers with the same smile "I saved many people's lives."



P.S. Yes, he learned, greeted his mother, asked about life, after retirement he works in a paid department, where mostly certificates are issued.

P. P. S. He also went to the ultrasound doctor, now he works in a children's hospital and he is trusted even by the smallest. And he also recognized me, even removed the record from the archive with my case.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №153489
 27.12.2019
My mom and dad divorced when I was only one and a half years old.

We moved to my grandmother and grandfather, my mother studied and worked, and my whole family looked after me as much as possible. My father first visited me sometimes, and then he stopped coming.



When I was 2.5 years old, my aunt, who lived with my parents at the time, got married. And so it turned out that her future husband turned out to be my father’s heavy.



On the day she decided to introduce her future husband to his parents, in the house it was actively discussed, say, today we will come to Kolya (name changed)



And then, in the evening, the door opens, a guy enters, and I shout "Daddy" and jump on his arms.

Apparently, in my childhood brain, a chain was built that once Cole means daddy, and I rarely saw daddy and how he looked - apparently I did not remember.



Imagine yourself in the place of a guy - he comes to meet the parents of the bride, and to him from the threshold flies "daughter" and hangs on his neck))) Another would be confused, probably, but he said "well, daughter" and began to talk to me.



They have been married to my aunt for many years and have two children.

He danced with me at high school, cried at my wedding, and when asked how many children he has, he still says he still has an older “daughter.”

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №153488
 27.12.2019
Again, the presidential administration was very surprised by Rosstat's latest data on the poverty level in Russia. And it’s not surprising if some of its employees spend more on New Year’s celebrations than the average Russian earns a year. and :)

© Dmitry Sviridov

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №153487
 27.12.2019
Sberbank of Russia blocked a bank card. I was contacted by the Sberbank Security Service. I was asked if I transferred Grechko money to Oleg Mikhailovich or not. I said translated. Then they asked for a code word. I said, write... slit... headlines...
X...E...R English... V as a barrel... Zet... A... D.
Security officer Ekaterina Nikolaevna (not remembering the name) recorded, and then suddenly said that for this, the Sberbank of the Russian Federation blocked my card and threw the tube.

It is offensive. It is a pity that they were blocked. Mainly, the cards are not collected, they are also blocked.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №153486
 27.12.2019
Are you a Jew by father or mother?
by the situation.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna