A acquaintance told me. He was on the train SPB - Rostov recently. Smoking in trains is prohibited. He approached the conductor and honestly asked how it was possible to smoke in the tambour.

Buy a lottery ticket and smoke.

And the guard?

Show the ticket and all.

Standing and smoking. The guard passes and makes a comment. He shows a lottery ticket. The guard:

Keep it in your pocket so that we can see it every time.

Okay

told a acquaintance.

He lives on the 7th floor. There is an elevator. One morning, leaving the apartment, a neighbor from his floor saw him and quickly pressed the first floor button in the elevator so that he didn’t have time to go with her to the first floor.

He, not thinking long, broke to the 6th floor, pressed the lift call button there (and the lift when moving down stops on all floors where the buttons on the floor were pressed), and he ran down, pressing the call button on each floor.

Then he waited on the first floor already at the exit of her, kept the door open, and before her very nose closed the door.

Because it is not good to do the ugliness of the neighbors.

He went down and called the elevator. He drove up and stopped on my floor. He stopped and stood with the door closed for a few seconds. Inside the elevator someone knocked so loudly. No, it didn’t break, it just broke. It was immediately clear that the citizen was exactly stressed in order to get better off. I even guessed that the passenger in the elevator was in his pants. And then the doors of the elevator open and right in front of me stands a 45-year-old girl. Really well dressed and just as well looked good. She looked up at me, saw my open eyes and her face instantly became brown. “You go, I’m next,” I said.

I remember when I went to the kindergarten, the teacher started playing words with us.

He calls the letter, and we list that word on the letter.

The line came to the letter M. The children list: mother, baby, butterfly, etc. After a dozen screams, the children's vocabulary has exhausted itself.

Then I remember another word! I am very pleased! I would rather scream at him! In absolute silence I shouted, “Morga!”

After a minute of silence, the teacher says: There is no such word! It does not count!



I was very disappointed. In the evening, my mom said there was a word, but it wasn’t very suitable for children’s play.

As a small organization rendered me a service, I came to the office, paid the manager a service, and there is such a dialogue:

Give it, if anything, call it.

Of course, next time you need it, I will come to you.

- You, in general, men are normal, we can do you for 65% of the cost of everything.

So how about losing yourself?

There is nothing to lose, we have a 100% payment for the bad guys.

I am with a payment check.

In the 1990s, a representative of our television was listening to the seminar. He told, among others, an interesting story about his internship on American TV. The internship was at a small television company in a provincial town. Our interns were surprised by the following event: on a certain day, all the TV journalists went to work instead of the technical staff: each had a workplace, for which a person was prepared in advance. To the surprised Russians, the Americans explained that these are exercises in case of a tech staff strike: so that broadcasting is not interrupted, technicians in this case are replaced by strike breakers - journalists. Our asked if there are opposite actions: when technicians work for journalists, take interviews, make reports, - in case of a strike of creative workers. Now it is time to surprise the Americans. How can journalists strike? They were confused. All of them will be thrown out and others will be recruited. It is difficult to find a good technician, and journalists are a pond of ponds!”

The company in which I work is seasonal, respectively, all tractors / drivers / various workers were sent to winter vacation, and the "intelligence" continues to work. As a rule, the husbands are at home, and the wives leave for a full day in the morning.



I go into the accounting office, I hear the end of the conversation: "Her Cole is such a puppy! And it is not lazy for him to go out at seven in the morning, to spend to the road, to bring the bag, to swallow the pen!”

The women’s group “Oooooh! How cute!”

I: “Well, logically, you have to make sure I’ve gone.”

“Shitnik, ahahahaha... Ha... X... Suwauka”

My colleague and I live next door. The old private sector. And every working day, I first walk five hundred meters to his home, then we go together to work another kilometer and a half. Halfway between us is a two-storey house. All as appropriate, deaf brick fence, garage with automatic door. Until last summer, it was painted light yellow. Then the owner repainted it in gently pink. (No, don’t think, nice colors and no hassle.) It is distinguished, so to speak, from the surroundings. The orientation.

Often, if I was late, my colleague called and asked, "Where are you there, are you sleeping anything else?" Answer: I’m approaching / nearby / I’ve already passed. While he was yellow – “I’m going next to the ‘psycho’.” It became pink – “I go past the pig house...”

Yesterday, after reading the "Pikabutian", I missed the time of departure. Even on the street, it’s hard to go.

I call the phone:

Where are you, are you sleeping?

I'll go to the pork house, I'll be there soon.



Five seconds later, a scream over the fence:

“Your mother, what color do you paint it?”



It was uncomfortable.

The path to ideals is usually paved by the road. Unlike the highway to sin.

Kiev, Friday, evening and the metro. Tired grey faces in the car. At one stop is a middle-aged man. Maybe a little drunk. Stop in the middle of the car:
Hi to you! Good mood and happiness!
The people in the car are silent. I am scared to see what happens next.
At the next stop, the man before leaving:
Goodbye to you! Wonderful evening to all! Love each other!
And went away.
People have begun to smile involuntarily. He raised the mood.

I went to the store. The line in the box is huge. He sneezed loudly and said, “Why did I just eat these rats?” “Get in line,” they replied, “we’re all from Wuhan.”

A friend came from Austria, asking why your bars or bars write "Founded in 2016". It has been produced since 1997. »



In Austria, it is written only when the age exceeds 200 years. One hundred years of business will not surprise anyone!



You know, Michael, in Russia, if a small business has existed for more than three years, it is already a victory, and if 10 years, it is like 200 in Austria!