bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №148948
 09.02.2018
MFO: I work in technical support.We talk by telephone. I ask :
And where are you mistaken.
The employee answers:
Here is here.
Where is?
Well, here is here.
What do you point with your finger on the monitor?
- Yes
......

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148947
 09.02.2018
What is the meaning of street musicians?
Have you tried playing saxophone at home? Neighbors are out! On the street, get trained. Even the beer is smaller. Music students are being chased out by teachers. Pushing to Push. Because many are worried when performing before shaking in their hands, and they stop getting into the notes.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №148946
 09.02.2018
Egg jaundice is not the name of a disease.
YYY: Now that you said, I’m not sure anymore.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148945
 09.02.2018
A little bit of crap:
Advertising for the sale of the house:
" In the courtyard of Brutchatka"...

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №148944
 09.02.2018
How drivers struggle: 1. There are only three rehearsals left! 2nd You have to play like you have a little drunk and do not rush. Three Look with one eye at the party and with two at me. 4 is You are so familiarly playing it all as if you were drinking with Prokofiev personally! 5 is I will tell you now what the notes are, you will be very surprised. 6 is This is not a symphony orchestra for you, you will not hide in the crowd here, you must play clean! 7 is Guys, it’s a bunch of sounds, not an approach of enemy aircraft! 8 is And if someone has played false, the main thing is to have time to look at the neighbor with reproach. 9 is Do not get stuck in your own talent! 10 is Number the tactics, or the eyes may shift, and the numbers - not! 11 is Come home and do it so that the whole family can play it. The female choir. Sing with your brain. Thirteen This work you should have absorbed with the teacher’s milk! 14 is Mendelssohn should play without the Mendelssohn. 15 is Remove your manicure from the griff! 16 is Stop watching in the decoult of the flautist, there are no notes, your party on the pipit! 17th You have to hate each other so much to play like that.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148943
 09.02.2018
Are men physically stronger and more courageous than women? Probably though. So they go to war in case of anything. Although there is a belief that women are simply created to give birth to new life, not to be destroyed. But I wanted to point out that without women and war are not won: would three tank drivers, three fun friends, without the girls who made projectiles for tanks at the factory of the blockade of Leningrad in shifts of 18 hours? How far would the wounded without hands or legs have gone from the battlefield, if not the sanitary workers who risked their lives?
Stop humiliating the role of women, among us there are also excellent politicians, doctors, scientists, managers without leaps, and 90% of judges in Russia are women, and the picture when the trolley bus driver is a woman and the conductor is a man is typical for Peter. Be worthy – be worthy! The words you apply here to women only humiliate you, men, physiologically, but not essentially.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148942
 09.02.2018
XX: sweet, let's play the game: whoever finished first, he lost.
XY: Do you understand that the winning strategy in this game is not to have sex?
XX: You are a fool. Precisely, too smart, is the same thing.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №148941
 09.02.2018
Mary Zabolotska:

I read about it in Wikipedia.

As a result of the movements of the elements of the neck region, the serpent-shaped snakes carry out a convenient orientation of the captured and held by them prey and packing the outgoing limbs of the victim in the desired direction.

Oops, we’ve eaten someone.
not eaten, but conveniently oriented and packed in the right direction

(I feel something office in this, corporate)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №148940
 09.02.2018
Recommendations for the float recipe:

This is a Muslim dish. That’s why it’s not done with pork.
It was invented by Alexander the Macedonian to feed the troops in the campaign against the Persians. He is Orthodox!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №148939
 09.02.2018
It just happened. A colleague’s phone ringed at work. He went out somewhere. I see - the contact on the screen so brightly lights up: "Alexander GOVNO".



It was funny to me. A colleague came back and I told him that you were called by a bad person. He astonishingly took the smart and as an asshole...

and no. He is a great man. He is driving to me.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148938
 09.02.2018
Thro my life I have not understood where in the commandment "Do what should be " and be what will be" our chiefs have seen the word "Free"?

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148937
 09.02.2018
As he went after his son to the kindergarten (6 years old), on the way met a tired mom with a child, who asked the question: "Mom, and the motorcycle is a car? " And I got the answer: “No.”

I was angry at myself, how could I do that? ! to I would have asked him this question, I would have told him that a motorcycle is not a car, but it is a car. And in general, “machine” is a much wider concept than he imagined.

I enthusiastically come to the garden, take the little one and wait for his new questions. Here it happened! He asks, “Daddy, why is the whistle white on the outside and red on the inside?”

E-heh, I wanted to talk on less uncomfortable topics, but anatomy, so anatomy...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №148936
 09.02.2018
I sell a Stinger machine. Includes two self-conducting spools.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №148935
 09.02.2018
From the discussion "Where do all the grandmothers go in the morning?"

Money is little, time is a lot, travel is free, most of the friends are already dead. I would build a wheel for them, like for hamsters, where they could generate electricity for money and communicate with each other.

YYY: Mr. Minister, well, we asked you not to discuss pension reforms outside the meeting hall!

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148934
 09.02.2018
Women who require a shirt with their husbands, I suggest to be called Norse-dependent.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №148933
 09.02.2018
The princess doesn’t fuck, she doesn’t eat. He eats those who are going to release. At the end, he receives a ransom. You can’t count the two steps, too.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №148932
 09.02.2018
I say to a worker at work today: Will you sleep with me for a hundred bucks?
She is: No. Are you stupid to ask such questions?
And for two hundred?
She is: No!
I : How much?
She is: five hundred.
I: not a question, only first sign up here that sex is voluntary, and that you will not have any claims.
And then six hundred.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №148931
 09.02.2018
Clearly, Military

>>> To be directly told how "he wanted to insert a penis into the vagina, but got into the anal hole", for example.

Chota remembered:

“Say, Comrade Major, how to find a female genital organ.
I understand the question, I answer. We take a woman, we dress, we put the stomach on the table,
we lubricate the thumb in weapon oil and lead from the neck along the spine down to the second click.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №148930
 09.02.2018
It was such a terrible story.
The kids went out to smoke.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №148929
 09.02.2018
I have a damn damn uncle now.
— — — —
Isn’t it beautiful? Not just a fucking, but a fucking female! Especially note that the author of the source writes on behalf of a woman. The awareness of the scale is there, shit. But only with individual representatives.”

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna