The Question of Life and Death
It was in the Salas Steppes. A film about the Civil War. Summer, heat under forty, dry steppe, deadly sun. Complicated battle scene - the white attack, they are cut off with machine guns. The director of the film, as was initiated at the time, agreed with the nearest military unit, and at dawn a company of soldiers was brought to the site. At three o’clock they were dressed, dressed, armored. Then the assistants placed "whites" in a chain, explained how to fall correctly, and that in no case should you look into the camera.
When the sun began to burn, the director arrived. With pleasure looked at the ready-to-fight mass and asked a ritual question to the brigade of pyrotechnicians:
Cooley, can we start?
No of course! He was cooled by a pyrotechnic. There are no condoms.
It turns out that the main "munition" of the cinematographic warfare consists of a rubber "product N2", into which a red paint is poured and a small plastic electro-detonator with thin wires descends. Then the condom is tied with a node and glued with a patch to the canvas, which in turn is glued with an even wider patch to the body of the "white guard" under the gymnast. At the right moment, a button is pressed, a gram of dust in the plastic detonator explodes, and through the fresh hole in the uniform beautifully fly bloodshed, and sometimes even smoke and flame.
How many times have I told the directors to buy condoms and they don’t itch! I have everything ready,” the pyrotechnician concluded his educational speech, pointing to the headquarters of the funnels, the wire moths and the badge of blue “blood.”
The director instantly boiled and covered the director of the painting together with his administrators with a lot of words that at the time were considered unprinted. Having completed all this with a promise of unimaginable car, he gave a deadline for delivery of condoms - ten minutes.
The administrator Marina, a two-meter-high and eight-pound-weight virgin who was responsible for such a record, instantly found herself in the studio "uazyk". "Wazik" crashed from place and moved in a cloud of white dust to the nearest town. I didn’t have time to slow down near the only pharmacy, as Marina had already taken off on the doorstep. The ranks of old ladies were overwhelmed when a massive girl of greenery-growth broke into the shopping area - steamed, red, stinking, as if running these several kilometers, on the sweaty face of the divorce of gray dust.
A question of life and death! The girl cried, suffocating. I beg you! Immediately, without a turn.
The grandmothers were scared. Marina pushed her head into the window:
I beg you... The question of life and death... Urgently... Hundreds of condoms!
An elderly pharmacist, frightened by screams of life and death more than others, fell into stupor. Mechanically, like a robot, she pulled out a cardboard box from the lower compartment of the closet and began to brake out bags on the shelf, counting them one by one.
The Woman! Marina was desperate. I beg you! Count it faster! There are soldiers waiting for me!