As a child, I wanted to be a soldier so much that one day, when my dad and I were fishing, I put a zinc hose on my head and put a pen under my beard for faithfulness. Well, I’m like a soldier in a beautiful new helmet. True, I did not see any shit except my sandals, and the hose was very unpleasantly pressed on my ears, but I was still terribly pleased with my fiction. And metal-golko asked the daddy, throwing the donkeys, if they would take me into the army now. Dad was silent for a while, and then said a bad word, meaning that the fishing had ended, and began to pull me out. At that time, I experienced all the burdens of war life: the hose terribly struck my beard with a pen, when my dad pulled it up, then stretched on my head and compressed my stupid child's skull while trying to pull out the pen.

My dad reminded me of the cherry bones in my nose not so long ago, when I wanted to be like Muslim Magomayev, and said another bad word. Then he threatened to cut off my nose, and now the whole head at once. Because anyway, with such a bad head, my dad said, trying to separate us with a barrel, I will not have a normal life. My head, my dad’s fisherman and the Soviet army were saved by a passing car with passages in the trunk.

The father unfolded one of the fittings of the cane pen with them and released his foolish fool. And then long roasted. This evening I told my uncle about the case, which I really liked at the time. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have such love with my uncle.

With age my craving for metal objects did not decrease, and my brains did not increase. I do not remember when the first fluorography is done in school, but it is assumed that the head should already be and even sometimes work. Then I did not know about the existence of gynecologists, so fluorography was afraid terribly, just terribly. So I thought even worse than usual. As I walked into the cabinet on unridden legs, I saw a terrible design consisting of two panels above me with a height between which a rough toilet chain was stretched. Type, entering between panels is prohibited until the doctor removes the chain. Well, of course, or they will rush without demand, take pictures and run away.

In short, my aunt-doctor finally let me inside the satan aggregate, told me what place and how hard to press, and dropped into another room. I am alone, cold and scared. And suddenly he heard! The voice above: Take the chain into your mouth.

I decided not to resist the Voice and humbly took this terrible chain into my mouth, which it is unknown how many people before me took into the same place. The chain was very unpleasant and very cold. "It probably serves as a kind of X-ray wave transmitter," I thought, while trying to figure out whether the whole chain should be taken into the mouth, or if it could be limited to a small fragment of it. Having guessed that once the chain was rotting, it was quite obvious that I would have to push it into myself to the very ring, I honestly stuck it by the cheek. 15 minutes later, when the doctor’s aunt was able to speak again, she explained to me that she meant a silver chain with a hook hanging on my neck, but it did well. And she said that she was jealous of the gynecologist to whom I would go for my first examination.

When I told my dad all this, he replied that after the cherry bones I realized that life would be difficult for me, but interesting and boring. And although I have stopped putting on my head and taking inappropriate items in my mouth for a few years, I really can’t complain about the monotony in my life. What I wish you!!! to