For several years I worked in the information technology department, and so it turned out that I had to communicate with different people, providing them with technical support.

Over the past five years, there have been a lot of absurd calls. Both written and oral. For example, a few of them, and a cherry on the cake at the very end:

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A chief accountant calls me and says she doesn’t have a phone. I ask her:

Why is the phone not working, but you are talking to me about it now?

What I get is a ten-second silence in the telephone and the phrase “truly.”

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A girl from HR department comes to us with a cup of coffee and says:

The pilot is burning, can you see?

Here even without panic and without fear for his life and the lives of colleagues speaks to me. I run there and see that the cable and the monitor have already burned out and the entire cabinet is smoked. He cut food in the shield and began to scratch.

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A company employee calls me at two o’clock at night and says he doesn’t know how to slow down the sound on a corporate tablet. And I say:

- You have two buttons on the side of the tablet "Noise +-".

What I get the answer:

- Fuck, and I've been calling for half an hour on the tablet, and I don't want to take the phone, and I don't know how to slow down the sound of the call. You made me so.

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Repair the plan. To say that it was still a plan, could not be. It all flooded and flowed. It turned out, an employee accidentally placed the tablet on a hot plate, and the tablet lay on it for a while. He asks:

How much will repair cost?

He gets a reasonable answer:

Repair of what?

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A girl from the neighborhood department comes and asks to clean her laptop. She says she is being watched by a man she broke up with two months ago. To the normal question why she decided so, she gave a very motivated answer: "Because he said he works in the LCPD police, and on the note stopudof the intercept stands." I started touching the laptop and asked her about Sam at the same time. She began to talk about having sex with him and how good she was that night. But then he dropped her after sitting behind her laptop for half an hour. I watched porn when I was sitting in her coat of arms.

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But the highest point of absurdity happened about two years ago. I am called by an employee who works in the fields with a tablet. He says:

Good morning, I have a problem. I went out for lunch and left the tablet in the car. It is not included now.

And then it was 30 degrees hot on the street, and she left the car in the sun. I ask :

Was it hot in the car when you got home from lunch?

“Yes,” he says, “I kept airing the car for ten minutes, because there was no way to get into it. The seats were hot.

In the tablet a bunch of sensors overheats and it, sometimes, turns off itself, so that the battery is not used in the heat. In general, I tell her to press the turn on button. I received a negative response from the operation. I say:

Try pressing for ten seconds the turnkey and the volume key minus (generally reducing the volume) at the same time and so hold them. must be included.

But how can I hold them with one hand, is it uncomfortable to do it with one hand? She asked.

Try with both hands! Try using your fingers on both hands.

Silence in the phone and then the question:

How much more should I hold? Do I have 30 seconds?

I thought to say to her, “Keep it until you’re smart,” but it didn’t, corporate ethics and all that. I hear some breathing, as if she was smoking. I ask :

Is it convenient to press the buttons?

I’m going to throw a cigarette! She said, and threw out the cigarette.

Another ten seconds of silence, and then she says:

- Okay, let's find out then, or I'm just passing the GAI post, I don't want to shuffle the penalty for talking on the phone while driving.

Damn, I think, that is, she is driving a car, smoking, talking to me on the phone and trying to press the tablet buttons with two other hands...

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Please tell me, how do these people live to their years?