Believe it or not, but it was so.

In 1998, I worked as a sysadmin in a medical center. At that time in other decent places used windows 95, and in very decent windows 98. In the office where I worked, the highest achievement of computer technology was Windows 3. 12, and that, only with the big bosses, and with secretaries and others only DOS and editor Einstein (there was such an editor, printed in Hebrew and worked under the board). But there were some office workers who printed on ordinary printing machines, thank you, though electric.

One day, the great chiefs demanded that the printing machines be removed, that all computers be put in place, and that they be taught how to work in that editor.

Computers installed, staff went to courses, everything went as planned, but some unconscious, but very "blatant" workers continued to persistently print on machines. One such unconscious lady was either a aunt or a cousin. the department. According to rumors, Madame had a very heavy character and all her dissatisfaction, using her connections, was placed on everyone who fell under her hand. It was told that while you change the tape on her printing machine, you will learn a lot about yourself, your relatives and friends. I did not believe those rumors. As it turned out, in vain.

Madam categorically refused to go to courses and I was asked to teach her how to turn on a computer, create folders, print and edit texts, as well as print to a printer. To teach, to teach, not the first time. My teaching experience was good, and most importantly, the boss promised a monthly salary. That is what I looked at. Money is always needed. I’ll be able to do it in a month, not for the first time. How naive I was.

I had to go to work at eight in the morning. I previously arrived at 9: 30-10: 00, but almost always delayed until late. Backup was on cassettes at the time, and they had to be changed every two hours.

Daily classes have begun. He taught to create folders, files, print, edit, in short, the most ordinary course. Aunt turned out to be not just a very heavy character and very low learning abilities, but an absolutely stupid creature. The classes were approximately as follows:

To save the file, press CTRL+S. See, the file is saved. Please repeat.

You didn’t tell me that yesterday.

I even made a label for you so that it would be convenient to remember.

This is another label. I saw you change her. You do everything to confuse me. It is time to be fired. Who took you to work?

I had to hear similar claims every day. If it were not the promise of the prize long ago would have sent "to the mother, with whom they did not do very well", but I took up, promised, we need to endure and continue to study.

The most difficult thing was to learn to edit the finished text and make changes. The aunt insisted on tapping the text again, pre-wrapping the excess in the printed. I mastered respiratory gymnastics, learned to listen absolutely calmly to all the claims to the boss, to the computer, to the program and to me. He became very philosophical to look at life, to repeat, as for the debilitated, the same thing. When she was leaving home, I smoked and drank coffee for almost an hour to get myself in order and make direct commitments.

Only in the sixth week of study the case moved from a dead spot. Something began to work out. And finally, by the end of the third month of stubborn brain harvesting, Madame stated that she knows everything and knows everything and even better than me. Okay, just very good. I was so happy to finish her course that I didn’t even have to do my job, leaving her for the next day.

There was nothing bad in the morning. He got up late, did not hurry for breakfast, drank a couple of cups of coffee, smoked a tub of good tobacco. In the most beautiful mood of the freed prisoner came to his office and...

The phone on the table sounded sober, with short breaks, as if I had urgently needed the whole world and the world without me was about to collapse. I pick up the phone:

Hi, how can I help?

Out of the tube was a roar of a raped rhino.

He is printing! I cut it out and he printed. Where are you going! Why are you nowhere!

Who is printing?

He is printing. I scratched and scratched, and he printed. I cannot work that way. I have not worked for two hours! I will write a report for you! You will be fired today.

Excuse me, madam, what did you hide there?

Short tubes in the tubes.

With the speed of a horse, bitten in the back by a scorpion, I carry to the scene of the accident. I open the door of the cabinet, look at the computer screen and here I needed all the breathing exercises to find inner peace. The entire monitor was squeezed and glued by the office corrector. The office corrector on the monitor, it had to be thought of! Whoever would tell, he would not believe, there is no such thing, but the appearance of the monitor with white strips and glued ribbons spoke for itself.

Deep breathing: "Creature, your hands are curved to raise and put in your ass," exhalation:

Well, it is not paper.

- What a difference, and in general, I called, and you are nowhere, you must be at work. I have called hundreds of times.

Respiration: “What I called, I have no doubt. Calling and knocking on your boss is your favorite activity. And to think or ask, at least someone, there is no brain. and exhale:

Why didn’t you ask someone else, for example, the secretary of the chief doctor or the secretary of the reception room?

They are stupid and do not understand anything.

He said, “Why do you really ask? Your ambition is above the roof, but with your head. If you pray, you will look smarter. and exhale:

Madam, please take a break. I will solve your problem immediately.

He took the screen, painted and lined with the corrector tape into his office. I went to her boss.

What to do? Continuing the training? Better to shoot.

The department looked at me carefully.

and sit down.

I sit down. The doctor gets a bottle of cognac and two small drinks from the closet. Drop the Cognac.

Drink and help.

I silently drink.

I got you. Fuck her, put her a printing machine.

Ten minutes later, the computer with the printer was cleaned and a printing machine was raised on the table.

I still got the prize.