In my life, I have walked for mushrooms twice.

The first was when I was 11, I was riding with my mother and picked up a bunch of mosquitoes, because I didn’t play. The second time at 16, after which I finally did not like it. In fact, about the second time and I want to tell you.

So it happened that from six years old I lived in a small town in Yakutia. This end is crazyly beautiful and just as crazyly harsh. Winter is hard and long, summer is short, sometimes it is hot. One such summer, my boys and I decided to go for mushrooms.

We were 15-16 years old then. They sat in the courtyard, suffered from a hernia, and here Seroga proposed to get a natural, natural hammer. As the time approached evening, we decided to leave the next day, early in the morning. Well, as earlier, the collection was scheduled for 10 in the morning, at this time experienced mushrooms are already cleansing the lawns, but we were somehow pocher, there is more that the summer, according to rumors from the same mushrooms, turned out to be harvesting and harvesting in the woods was a breakdown.

And since the summer was harvesting, and we lived in Yakutia, in addition to stories about the grasslands sowed with mushrooms and berries, we walked around our town and stories about bears. It was the second month of our summer, and about the meetings with bears in the local newspaper wrote ten times. Apparently, full of clutches, the stumblers suddenly grabbed a portion of peace and tried to stifle with people.

True, they were not very close, most often they were seen in the country villages, 3-5 km from our town. For you to understand better, the city itself was 4-5 kilometers in diameter, a large village, essentially. Well, and the taiga started immediately on the outskirts of the city, so it was not far away to go. We decided to go for the iron. For railways, it was a bit, which was a kilometer from the city. Later, we had our own bump behind the iron, but about this - another time. And this time we were going to explore those places, moving away from the railway for about another kilometer, to the opposite side of the city, naturally.

And here, at 10 am in the designated place stand five darmoods 15-16 years old: Seroga, Stas, Andrei, Slavik and I. In the pockets - small foldable knives and packs for mushrooms and berries. One has a special pad for collecting berries and a hose. Well, and all kinds of sandwiches, chocolate juices, for a snack. They quickly reached the railroad, ate there, ate all their supplies at once, and went on. Within 800 meters, several caterpillars were found with foxes and chickens. At 50 meters to the left there were grown strawberries. Of course, the first thing we ate all the raspberries, and then with jokes and joke of the type "Sierra, you will see the mosquito - immediately ham, they are very delicious in fact, just mushrooms specifically about them tell the fairy tales, so that no one can give a secret" began to collect mushrooms.

20 minutes later, Slavik stated that he wanted to mess up, and therefore would go out to mine the devastated raspberries, such as a trap for others to put. We wished him good luck, however, not a minute passed since Slavik returned. Then he came back and shouted “Bear!”He flew to the lawn, grabbed his bowl with mushrooms, and in a few seconds he was on the pine. Nahuya he then grabbed the cage and how he and him in one hand managed to get there - still a mystery covered with darkness.

The meaning of Slavin's scream did not come to us immediately, for 10 seconds we were still dull, looking at how Slavik, sitting five meters above the ground, embraces the pine with one hand, and the other his cage. And then from the side of the malinnik there was a crumbling of branches and a low, dissatisfaction. A few seconds later we were also sitting on the pine trees, and Stas and I climbed on one that was next to the Slavik pine trees, and Serge and Andrey chose different pine trees ten meters from us. 30 seconds later, a bear came out of the field.

“Good morning, fucking,” said Stas.

The mouse was really not small, one and a half meters in the hole and almost twice the length. Cosolapius wandered through the lawn, smelled something, then sat on his ass and wrapped the pine trees with the lazy gaze of the true master of the Yakut taiga.

Do not burn, the devil! Andrei spoke loudly from his bush. Shit the fucking!

Mishka looked at Andrew, scratched his lap, stood up and stunned to his pine.

Go to Fuck! Andrei stood up and went up.

Cosolapius stood on his back legs, embraced the pine and began to crawl up.

The cock! Go to Fuck! Get out, you fool! Andryukh sounded even louder and began to look around in panic, apparently planning to jump over the neighboring tree.

Fortunately, in this moment, the cowboy decided to climb not on the trunk, but on the branches. The branch crumbled, the bear surprisedly crumbled and fell to the ground from about four meters high. For a second ten, the mouse was lying on top of her legs, looking up at the sky and making incomprehensible sounds that would humanly sound like, “Hey, fuck! “Nihua went for the bread!” Then the coward turned over, sat down on his ass and, unhappy with the burch, scratched the bark again.

Does he have fleas? I asked Stas.

It looks like that, I replied.

The coward looked at us. “You yourself are pale,” was read in his gaze. After thinking a little, the mouse rightly thought that two were more than one, and therefore it was more advantageous for him to get me and Stas, like someone to catch one, so he moved to our side. A little bit of a slide on our side of the pine (the pine at the same time felt trembling) he drove up. Stacey and I too.

– Throw them in, he advised Slavik.

- In a point throw yourself a puddle, a puddle, - I cried, taking on the top of the puddle.

By that time, Mishka had already climbed five meters up, before us, he had almost as much left. The pine was swirling, the branches that the bear hit cracked. The mouse cried and thought. My anus at the time was able to snack hardened steel wires. The owner of the taiga tried to climb even higher, but he was hindered by the thickened branches. Cossolapius tried to cling to the branch with one leg, but it was treacherously shaken. Decided today not to fly anymore, the bear grumbled dissatisfied and began to descend. Stacey and I went out at the same time.

10 minutes passed. Through the branches of the pine trees, the warm rays of the sun penetrated, the mouse was sitting on his ass in the middle of the lawn and staring at us, apparently waiting for us to come down. We sat on the pine trees and looked at him, waiting for this mouth to come back into its beard.

— Boys, I want to fuck, — gave the voice Slavik.

“In your bowl of shit,” Stas replied.

We squeezed, and Slavik thoughtfully began to look at his cage. The barrel screamed a couple of times. The bear raised his ass and went to Slavik.

“Yes, blasphemy,” Slavik breathed disappointedly.

Meanwhile, Mishka had already stood on his back legs and prepared to climb to Slavik, in order with him to consider the cage and understand if you can fool it or not.

Give it up, the fool! Slavik shouted and threw a cane at the bear.

Having made a couple of turns, a cage with a ringing "boom", crushed the bear with the bottom on the forehead and fell to the ground, dispersing the mushrooms collected by Slavik. The coward unhappyly burst, swallowing to eat all the mushrooms, smelled the cage, slightly wheeled it with his lap, then climbed on his rear legs and landed in front of the cage. The veil, quite predictable, laughed in a leech.

to shrink! commented by Slavik.

The bear again approached his pine and covered it with its front legs, looking at Slavik, crawling and licking. Slavik got up higher and looked at the bear.

In Bobrysk, the animal! He spoke it.

Mishka unhappyly struck his lap on the pine.

Hey, I’m on your mouth now! He was threatened by Slavik.

Realizing that he had just slapped, Slavik scratched the mole, madly smiled, stood up on the branches and began to take off his pants. The bear looked at the actions of Slavik. We too. Stretching the ports, and looking at it, Slavik sat down, grabbed the branches and began to grieve.

The bear, seeing the naked ass of Slavik, licked and went up. Somewhere at the level of three meters from the ground, the first projectile flew on the mouth of the cradle. The right eye of the beast. The bear snorted, shrugged with a butt, dropping the catch that was attached to the wool, and even faster went higher, apparently not going to forgive Slavik his exit.

From such a picture, our buttocks were compressed so much that they could be eaten atoms, but the buttocks of Slavik, on the contrary, failed and, from fear, gave out at once everything she kept in herself, including the not yet digested borst, with which Slavik had breakfast at home from the morning.

The bear, which had already climbed seven meters, covered his head with this balm. Literally, because the main blow came to him in the mouth. Ochuev from such greed and wild odor, the mouse again raised and tried to shake the shit from his mouth with his front legs. From the terrible attack he even forgot that he was on a tree, which was not worth it to let go.

I watched it like in a slum. Down, crawling, crawling in the air and waving with his legs, a bear with a broken mouth flew. Up on the pine, continuing the "shooting" slapped Slavik with his trousers dropped. Slavik reached the top, the bear fell to the ground. Slavik with round eyes from fear grabbed into the pine, the bear with a wild reef jumped from the ground and broke into the depth of the bowl, shaking with the bowl and melting everything on its way. A second after thirty reves of crumbling silence somewhere far away, and over the grassland, our whistle was spread.

Laughing to tears, Stas almost crashed from the tree when he tried to wipe out the tears that came from laughter. Rushed for five minutes. Then for another ten minutes they sat on the pine trees, afraid of tears, and listened to the sounds of taiga. Slavik during this time found a piece of paper in his pocket and managed to rub his ass, and at the same time - our savior. After sitting on the trees for a little longer, we decided that these mushrooms with berries, descended and reached the city.

Slavik we called Jesus Dristus, a type of savior for a couple of weeks, but the nickname was never attached to him, he then decided to grow his hair, and eventually called him Patlat. We didn’t go for mushrooms anymore. They were going to build their own winter, but this is a completely different story.