How Vitya became a mariner.

Mother and grandmother took Vitu from the promiscuous Peter to the sunny Florida at a preschool age. So he, for the first time in the first class, went not to a Russian school with an in-depth study of English, but an American, where there was no Russian language at all.
At home, they communicated mostly in Russian, and every summer Vitya and grandmother flew to Peter for holidays. As a result, the boy managed to keep the spoken language at the level of the carrier. But he read Vitya in his native language by slogans and wrote in printed letters with a bunch of grammar errors.

After graduating from school, Victor, as usual, spent the summer in Peter. He celebrated his eighteen years of age when he was handed an agenda: first inviting to visit the district military committee, and then to serve the next year in the Russian army.
“This is the turn!” surprised Vitya and questioningly looked at the grandmother.
From St. Petersburg, Florida, the mother of the boy was urgently called to the Russian. In the district military committee explained to her that: "On the military record of her son did not put and the attestation did not be handed over, since he constantly resides abroad and is not subject to military record! It is the duty of the citizen!”
To the reasonable argument of an excited momma about the fact that her son has difficulty reading and writing in Russian, she was answered in the spirit of non-apocalyptic barracks humor: "We cannot - we will teach, we will not - we will!"

Vitya himself, raised as a law-abiding citizen in a private American school, wanted to follow the letter of the law and a year in the army, if appropriate, to serve.
“My former classmate Daniel, when he was flying to his relatives in Geneva, served four months in the Swiss army, and what’s worse for me?“Vitya argued her position to her grandmother.
The grandmother could not clearly explain to her grandson the difference between the Russian and Swiss armies and sent her mother to consult with lawyers. Those qualified explained that "cutting off medicine" will no longer work. Analysis and references had to be collected well in advance, and, burning, under the Florida sun, Vitya with an American white teeth smile and ten years of experience of year-round canoeing is unlikely to make the medical commission the right impression.

In general, it turned out that Vite would have to serve for a year.
“We will send him to the most secret troops,” the soldier intimidated the relatives of the recruiter. After serving in the army, he will not be able to leave the country for another five years. Even in Belarus!
Grandma and mother, finally ruined by a long life in America, did not understand the hints of the military commander and fell into a quiet panic.
“It’s time to take your fate into your own hands!” the young man decided.

Whole night Vitya thought what to do: how to avoid service without breaking the law? He signed a three-year contract with the U.S. Marine Corps.
"H," said the disheartened soldier, "to avenge from service in the army by service in the army is original!