A well-known informal from Omsk in deep drunkenness sat in the summer in the underground crossing. There were beautiful naked nymphs. Naturally, his dignity arose and demanded satisfaction. Well, he started quietly with his left hand... right there.
He was taken by the militia. After that, a brain-absorbing formulation of the reason for the detention was coloured in the protocol: "Nonated in the wrong place".
P.S Anyone who knows places in Omsk specially dedicated to onanism, please let me know!