bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №144524
 04.09.2017
C: But about the first Russian and the main rapper of the Soviet Country, we have forgotten.
Even if it was right, or if they had found it, they would have read it, they would have started quoting it.

Q: In the sense of Winnie Pooh? In my head, yes yes!

O-l: No, it’s logical, it’s all about Mayakovsky.

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №144523
 04.09.2017
In the comments to the photo in the group engaged in sports knife fighting:
Hello guys, I found you by accident. What exactly do you give in your classes?
Tagged with: Pizdy
HH: And another question. The knives are cool. But what to do if you are attacked and there is no knife? Are you training self-defense?
WOW: Getting the Pussy

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №144522
 04.09.2017
Not "spent two hundred dollars on a swahili", and "profitably invested half of his foreign exchange assets in food products of the first necessity";.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №144521
 04.09.2017
Nicole: It depends where. In Moscow and Peter, LSD is easier to buy than (true) parmesan.
Famiak: You come to football city and buy.
JustK: I’m sorry, but I can’t help but ask: can you find a real parmesan in Football City or...?

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №144520
 04.09.2017
Since I was a child, I had a passion for mathematics, and somehow it turned out that I learned to count a couple of years earlier than to read: years and so at five.

Approximately from this age, I began to drop from my parents and relatives a little on ice cream: then a ruble, or even more (then on the Soviet ruble ice cream could just be eaten). But I already knew how to count, and to understand what these papers mean and how you can buy something on them - not. However, I liked these fantasies, and I just dug them up, laying them in my secret place. So in a couple of years I accumulated a decent amount at that time of about 100 rubles.

One day my cousin came to visit me, who was seven years older than me. I shared my secret with him and showed him my savings. A few days later, he tells my parents about the money, and at their request, I give them my secretary. My parents counted the money and looked at me in shock. I still remember their condemning eyes. Asked where I came from, I replied. Money was taken from me, but nothing was said or punished. I wasn’t especially upset, no more “fantics” and no more.

20 years later, I remembered this situation, looked at it from a different perspective and decided to clarify something. I remembered my mother’s story and asked what happened then, why my savings were removed. My mom confirmed my guess by saying that the money was missing at home, and my cousin said he saw a bunch of money from me. The puzzle came up: this minor bastard stole money from his mother-in-law aunt, undermining his little brother. And then no one was embarrassed that the money was lost in large bills, and I found exactly that amount, but in ruble-three bills.

PS By the way, he confessed to me in that theft, but this is a different story.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №144519
 04.09.2017
My son (3 years old) started going to the kindergarten. Like many children, when you leave it there, it grows.
I come home in the evening – the wife lies on the couch with the book, the son runs next to him. I sit on the couch, take it on my arms, ask how the day has gone. The further dialogue:
I: Did you like the garden today?
R: I liked it.
Do you go to the garden tomorrow?
R: I will go.
I: Will you not cry?
R: I will not.

I bite my wife on my foot. She leaves the book:
J: What about you?
I: How is it at work?
J is normal.
Do you go to work tomorrow?
J: I will go, of course.
I (with a serious look): Will you not cry?
and no ?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №144518
 04.09.2017
Are you stupid about doing such things? This is the fuck tuning! The style! and aesthetic!! And you do not have a computer, but a dusty stone and payments in the shit!

YYY: Drum, it’s also a style. It is called Cyberpunk. And you’re a horse, because style isn’t necessarily what angry grandmothers put out for.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №144517
 04.09.2017
xxx: I mean, before leaving the tablet in the decretal repair.
yyy: The tablet fucked, which caused it to break?
XX: You can’t imagine, but almost so. His nest was shaken (you understood), and he stopped receiving the signal.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №144516
 04.09.2017
The story of the head of the NGO (diplom philologist) about the contents of the premises:
The firefighters arrived.
Threatened by Finger
So far indicative
They promised to get the 21st.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №144515
 04.09.2017
xxx: I am an engineer with two higher degrees, I am quite able to go to the market on Saturday morning for a cross screw and the key to 13, and then self-imposedly twist the bed. Even from the Mushroom.
Nash, you are a girl!

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №144514
 04.09.2017
From the composition of the student of 4th grade "How I spent the summer".
"The light of the sun..."

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №144513
 04.09.2017
XXX: It is unlikely to you, your GG. I’m not criticizing, but do you know what your imaginary friend’s real life would look like? No is? Home-working house of family. Sometimes I give. And most often: work work.

What and why is Capoeira?

YYY: Well, I don’t know... maybe because it’s a black slave battle dance?

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №144512
 04.09.2017
In this regard:

In the store, my grandmother asks.
Do you have a Terminator?
The seller did not blink the eye.
It is!
There is a payment terminal.

And the grandmother just wanted a squeeze for the coaxial network cable...

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №144511
 04.09.2017
This
To register an IP, you need a bank account. In order to open a bank account, you need to be in the IP status for at least six months.
Nothing like this, at least, in the Russian Federation. To register an IP, write the simplest statement and that's all.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №144510
 04.09.2017
And why doesn’t anyone write about an official who rejects grandmothers in trousers and men in expensive cars? It is just a celebration of something.

Can not, it is painfully written, fingers from the keyboard scratch.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №144509
 04.09.2017
I will get up early in the morning,
My favorite sofa.
Everything hurts – back and legs.
There is a road to work...
But now he is free,
I won your mother!
This chopped potato,
to dig in a year.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №144508
 04.09.2017
Picture with text about what would be better instead of monthly came a little gnome with a cake and said "Congratulations. You are not pregnant"

I like this universe.your young man is cooking dinner, creating a romantic atmosphere. You come to him and breathe sadly: sweet, today no. From day to day, I wait for the gnome. I cannot be with him.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №144507
 04.09.2017
To learn, to learn, and again to learn, as the great God said.
YYY is Lenin?
XXX: No, according to the accreditation of the academic Ramzanka Dyrova, this was said by the great Allah!
YYY : LOL! exactly!
ZZZ: I remember this from Omar Hayam:
If I were a bitter man with a big beard,
Without looking at fear,
I would learn Russian only for that.
What Allah has said to them.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №144506
 04.09.2017
The child puzzled a mystery: "A grandfather sits, he is dressed in a hundred coats, who clothes his grandfather, he dies in torment." I am afraid to ask him until now...

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №144505
 04.09.2017
C hubra, discussion of improving the quality of life and extending the life of mankind:
28 years in 1017: I lived a good life.
28 years in 1817: I have 11 children.
28 years in 2017: I'm not ready for a relationship.
28 years in 2117: Maam, I’m up!

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