bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №137901
 17.01.2017
Summary: A 25 year old girl. Secretary 33 level. Certificates on courses: Thai machine writing, fax with six. Master of the highest category. Coffee and tea in bed. All the wonders of the office for your money.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №137900
 17.01.2017
<xxx> Scientific sphere: Theology....Em, and I would go to Zeus science: to whip, to produce and to rub lightning, shandrakha all and all :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №137899
 17.01.2017
xxx: I had a teacher at school when I was studying, a dwarf-ex-military who taught biology and geography, so one day, she broke my classmate’s nose because he roared his mat right in the class :) By the way, she wasn’t fired, although the noise got up in school. No one could read these items anymore.

YYY: There was just a shortage of combat dwarfs in the area, they could not find a replacement.

[ + 41 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137898
 17.01.2017
Fighted aircraft. Charter flight Phuket-Almaty Everyone was fed, drank, and returned home from vacation. Silence: Somebody squeezed, somebody was watching Operation Y on airplane TV.

A man in the center of the salon plays "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" on a tablet. It reaches a maximum of 120 thousand, further no - already painful questions. Internet at an altitude of 10,000 km above Afghanistan is not at hand, you can’t walk.

The neighbors of the man first watch with interest, then begin to suggest. The man reads questions and answers.

Louder, please, I can hear it from the back.

Half an hour later, he plays three rows - a row of men, and rows in front and back. Disputes, disagreements and screams begin.

Przevalsky was... An archaeologist, a paleontologist, a botanist, a geographer, with a seated voice, a man makes a question of 120 thousand.

The Paleontologist! A thick aunt screams from the back.

- 50 to 50 use, - strongly recommends stuck next to the steward.

Do not waste the clue! The neighbor shouts to the right.

Within an hour, the captain’s voice is heard.

Dear passengers! We strongly recommend that you do not respond without discussing the crew!

The nose and tail of the plane were applauded.

True answers are accompanied by pleasure, and unbelievers are bored with "Boo". Someone already demands to pass the tablet to the captain - let him voice questions for the whole salon!

Seven hours of flight passed unnoticed.

I never got a million.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №137897
 17.01.2017
XXX: Tanya
and mmm?
xxx: if you suddenly decide to look for copies of the sticks from the Harry Potter universe, don't type "magic sticks"
YYY : Why?
He gave me vibrators.
It’s also a kind of magic stick ?
Yyy: makes people happier)))

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137896
 17.01.2017
I’m still a rarely naive child at 28. I read the book about the astronaut, the phrase: “If you three can’t live on Earth, then it’s unlikely that you will be able to tolerate each other for a few months spent without a soul. Or without a scotch" I hang up, so is it. First, what’s the problem with taking a sticky tape on board? Second, what is such a critical need for it? In general, what foolish idea is it that the absence of Scotch can somehow affect vivacity? In short, just after reading the other three pages, I suddenly realized that it was a drink...
÷÷ and
All right, about the lipstick there. When I finally get fucked, tie it up and fuck it.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №137895
 17.01.2017
Prehistory: Metropolitan indignated by the ballet "Leluke", which he called the "occulte production". News that the directorate of the theatre will present a new version of the ballet, stones:
1: It is possible to assume that Shchelkunkchik will be called Aristarch Metodievich. He is 57 years old, he works as an accountant in RSU-51 of Konotopa. There will be no music, dance and other characters. Mice are what... an entire army... what nonsense? Just a man sits on the stage and makes an annual balance sheet. is normal? is normal! A bit boring, but no occultism.
2: I am pleased to join your version of the Slug. I am also very careful about mice. I hope that in this production Aristarh Metodievich (Skelunkchik) will not make different suspicious anthrasha with his feet in a trick, but will stand firmly on his feet. And these legs will be in decent, although slightly rubbed in one place, pants. The Occultism? Different pa, kniksen, andrush? Is this what children want to see? No and no again. Aristarh Metodievich, closing the month, and dealing with the mistakes of closing the account 41.1 (Storage Goods), will give the children much more than some dancing fairy Drage. Fey does not exist.
3: There will be no music? Radio Radonage will play.
Has anyone hit a mouse? There will be mice. On which Aristarh Metodievich will call a sanitary station, which will destroy pests without any occultism.

[ + 21 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137894
 17.01.2017
The best remedy for obesity.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137893
 17.01.2017
About “New Year Discount” and “Superactions”
In the early 2000s went to one BMW Motor Show in Moscow.
In the middle of the hall was a huge poster, “Action! Buy a BMW 745 and get a Mini Cooper as a gift!
Seven were not planned to buy, but decided to understand the essence of the offer.
So, a seven was offered, in the most complete configuration, for $ 155,000.
As a gift with her, a Mini Cooper was offered in the basic configuration, if I don't confuse anything, for $ 25,000.
They took a list of options and counted the same seven with the consultant. It turned out to be something like $102,000.
In total, exactly the same seven, plus a mini, in the sum = $ 127,000.
Here are the shares and discounts.)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №137892
 17.01.2017
The greatest advantage of a mistress is that you can talk to her about the shortcomings of your wife. Try to talk to your wife about the shortcomings of the mistress.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137891
 17.01.2017
My psychiatrist came here today. We have a girl who comes when we need to do the tests. He asks
What are your emotional problems?
Is it emotional, is it emotional?
I don’t even know...
I do not know. Let me write up for a magazine and go, I have a lot of work to do.

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №137890
 17.01.2017
The Work:
You’ve done it and now we’ve done it...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №137889
 17.01.2017
During the congress on a paid tour from the administration of the High Volocko comes the sms "Thank you for not cheating";

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137888
 17.01.2017
Very educational. The name Ruslan.

Originally really of Turkish origin, from "Arslan" - a lion. There is a Russian legend about the rich man of Jerusalem Lazarevich, so this rich man of Persian origin (and judging by his fatherhood also a Jew), was about him - a translation of the Persian epic "Shahnama". There is, indeed, a nuance: in Shahnamah his name is Rustam, and Arslan is a nickname given for courage, but it doesn’t matter. Russian children were not so called... until the 19th century.

And then Pushkin wrote "Ruslan and Ludmila" and named the heroes as he thought the Russian names should sound before Christianity. And so successful it turned out to him that the Russian children began to be called Ruslan and Ludmila (also, by the way, the name was not in the festivals) and are called until now, and the names have become completely Russian, there is no Russier.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №137887
 17.01.2017
Medical publication, photo of the X-ray of the hand in which a large petard exploded. One of the comments:
Do you think this soup set is a collection?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №137886
 17.01.2017
HHH: And that’s what, you’re going straight to Baikonur now?

Wow if it were! Good that the king sold Alaska.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №137885
 17.01.2017
Lora_w
Moriarty is a boy who came out of the well and is terribly offended that he was not found!!!! to

the_mockturtle
The skull in the well is the skull of Moriarty in childhood.

Lora_w
But this version explains Moriarty’s psychopathic twist on Sherlock.
He grew up to get revenge!! Ahahahahahahahaha! and c)

the_mockturtle
“This version would even explain why Moriarty didn’t die when he shot himself! Because the skull is in the well! and :)

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №137884
 17.01.2017
Unintentionally remembered.

xxx: I woke up on the pen of the box on the table 220 volts. The half-office stopped greeting, but the weekly sugar bank has been holding for the second month.

Oh these stories, oh these fairy tales.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №137883
 16.01.2017
After school came when I had 2 friends and wanted to drink, I did not drink, but as a hospitable man poured my dad’s water. I drank half a bottle. But here is how to reimburse so that I don’t get off-the-top – I didn’t think. The men offered to give water. Only one butt bottle with a jerk valve. Lili water as if something had gotten into a bottle. Well, I put it in the freezer - my father came after work and wanted to bump. Not here it was, the water in the valve above froze. He looks at me, and I take my eyes to the side, says drunk! I ask how did I know? So he says, I have what you didn’t have in your childhood...

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №137882
 16.01.2017
In short, I have one good acquaintance. With money. A lot of countries have traveled around and have long obtained a hobby: bringing from different countries or even from different regions of the same country, collections (i.e. for sale on the shelf) or just to consume types of alcoholic products.

As a rule, these are small bottles of cognac or other alcoholic beverages of local production.

That is, not for the buyer, but purely for the collection brought (the bottles looked like a random photo from the post)



I was somewhere at her home. A really impressive collection. Bottles of different sizes, shapes and drinks. They are in a separate closet, behind the glass. She holeed and holeed them.

In general, those who have a hobby: you understand it very well.

Her hobby was 20 years old.



He also has a son. Who knew from childhood that touching these bottles is a terrible taboo. He did not touch them. So they lived.

But the son grew up and made friends. He started bustling, like many teenagers, during the transitional age. But I did not touch the bottles, because I learned already on the machine: touch and start the mowing machine.

And it would be nothing, but as if my acquaintance was not at home. He left for two days.

The son wasted no time and organized something like an insert in the house: a disco, a bucharest, a ugar.

Because of his age, he fasted and fell asleep.

Most of the guests continued.

The bowl was over and the young friends-idiots could not guess anything better than drinking collective bottles. Everything that was “used by unbearable labor” and “drawn” from different countries of the world was eaten by minors overnight.



In short, I have not clarified yet. But maybe in one of the local childhouses was a replenishment))

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