bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №104469
 23.10.2014
I started writing sorting by choice, I thought, I was distracted... I watched – I wrote a bubble.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №104468
 23.10.2014
Is there a globe on the ISS?
yyy: Globe on the ISS behind the window
Scale of 1: 1

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №104467
 23.10.2014
Geometry and Sexology:

I read your shit on the topic of the length of the member, and remembered this story. Once in the company with friends drank, well and talked about the length of the members... from these sizes the numbers from 14 to 17 centimeters sounded. And only one horse had all 25... After drinking more, the offer came to turn on the porn, and measure once again in the erected state. In all who named the sizes from 14 to 17 centimeters, the actual sizes were a maximum of a centimeter shorter. But at the "horse" the error was as much as 14 centimeters. Thus e. More than twice as many as 25...
__________________________
How boring you are, peppers. You had to make a home video. Everyone would be broken. Women would recognize you not only in the face.

And an anecdote: A pathologist comes to work, and all the nurses, sanitarians, doctors run alarmed, and it is heard from all sides: Ivanov died... Ivanov died...
He comes to the morgue, really has a male corpse, and he has outstanding sizes of genitals. He did not hold on to a pathologist, decided to keep it for science, the man did not need it anymore, cut off all the beauty and spit. He wondered again, and it came to his mind to show this charm to his wife, so that she could know what wonders in nature happen.
When he came home, he got the bank and showed it to his wife. And she saw: "Oh, Ivanov is dead."

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104466
 23.10.2014
From Habr:
A story told to me by my colleagues about one of the previous projects. On the map there was a plot built with non-destructive houses. As soon as the camera looked at this area, the FPS immediately fell wildly. After studying the problem, it turned out that inside one of the houses was a bath, in which a small "plastic" hole floated. All this would look like a funny crazy of the artists, if it wasn’t the fact that the model of clutter contained about a million fields.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104465
 23.10.2014
Not with humor:

Wild got tired of reading this already here, so "loving fools, "desperate girls" and others. There is such a thing – speech. With its help, you can non-real results. Remember the expressions: "Embrace me", "Kiss me"(you can indicate where to kiss), "I hurt", "Let me show you how I like it", "Smaller", "Faster/Slower", "Here is how", "Do not stop", "More", "I want (with indication of what you want)". You can also try different question options, such as "how do you like it?", "how do you like it?", "do you like it?(When you do something) "
As a rule, “foolish men” are able to understand the meaning of these expressions.

The guy whom the wife considers a goat.The tool "speech" is also applicable in your case. Your attitude to her is a reflection of her attitude to you, which in turn is a reflection of your attitude to her. If you are not a fool, break the chain and talk to the man (with his wife). I like it, I don’t like it, I offend it, I want it, I feel it, I don’t feel it. You can write a letter if you can talk face to face.
Sorry for the length, I had to write it. And now...

and humor:
A journal article that lists the mistakes that make a person feel sleepy all the time.
Mistake 8: You are a woman

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104464
 23.10.2014
FzeulF: showed local programmers the site shit, 2 minutes of silence, and then outcry of indignation: -and here is what's wrong with them? Why is it bad? I always do that! and etc. Something I fear about our products =))

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104463
 22.10.2014
About the storage of transformator oil a funny case recalled from the army old age =)
I was a BTR.
I had a glass of butter in my box so that I couldn’t eat dry bread. Very little without the refrigerator was the consistency of the soap.
And here somehow on another shmon rotty found this unfortunate house. Soon to me with the question - what shit? Lithol-24 - without shaking, I answered.Rotny is removed from the mouth of something about the oxygen, which will soon be in the Lenin room to override the engines.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104462
 22.10.2014
I live in communion. My neighbor is studying in the first course of engineering, it is clear that with money is difficult. He has a girlfriend. She is a dancer and has a dance salon. Dimon (neighbor) is a kind of administrator in this salon, mostly it is expressed in the fact that he meets her from the subway, of course, but not the point. So he argued with her and between me and them there was the following dialogue on this subject:
So, how will you tolerate it?
Tomorrow I’ll have to go to the coffee shop and buy a rose.
I - well, on the flowers you scratch, and in the cafeteria she, as always, will pay for you?
No, of course I
Do you want to eat towels?
I have to pay her salary before the weekend.
I mean, with the money she will give you, will you pay for dinner?
Yes, and for the flowers.
Yes, yes and yes, officinally.
Well, I say, we have to reconcile.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104461
 22.10.2014
Oh, I tried to read the post in the morning on the forum how to distinguish good mayonnaise from bad with the help of iodine
See also: PF! I know this way.
Chapter 1: Calling Yoda
The Master Never Mistakes

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104460
 22.10.2014
Sergey: The little-known Korean actor Kan Don Won, well, or as the Russians would say Von Kan Don, probably would not have understood why in Russia his name causes a smile))
Maxxx: Just like you in the English-speaking world

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104459
 22.10.2014
Modern Robin Hood: order a free "pedigry" by promotion and give it to the pet shelter.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104458
 22.10.2014
Conversation on YouTube

The xxx:

-Chorom of crows - good aliteration 

YYYY :

I think it’s a good thing, probably

and ZZZ:

Please explain the meaning of your words

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №104457
 22.10.2014
From the burning:
XHH: A great movie, by the way. The Cossacks always knew how to film, unlike the hollow hammer and other shit.
ууу: "Kazakhs always knew how to film" - this is a Uzbek film

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104456
 22.10.2014
The answers)

Q: What color do you have?
See also: Sisi with me
ZZZ: Boundary
Kuzleren is a Tatar eye! The perverted

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №104455
 22.10.2014
Ky3: we sit with a friend, we go to the green (table, bedrooms, mangal, etc.). A friend’s father cries out to him from another room: “Kesha, who of the boys is going with you?” My friend: (well, it is not convenient by the clicks of friends with parents) Evampy, Edik, Vlad and Radik (Radislav).
Father’s Voice: Yes, it was a terrible 90s, we called it as we could.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №104454
 22.10.2014
On the smartphone, when the SMS comes, you can see a piece of text in the box at the top, next to the Internet icon. Now comes the message - "Dear member of the MTS Bonus! You have so many points. Learn how to accumulate pain"

They know something ><

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104453
 22.10.2014
I went to Dracula yesterday.
– Oh! And how?
and Mura.
Is it a mole, or can you look at it once?
It feels like Mikhailkov was filming. It is Mura.
- O_O

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №104452
 22.10.2014
Yes, I am a pig to her, but my attitude to her is just a reflection of her attitude to me.


Why do we need this parody on the family?

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №104451
 22.10.2014
The Desperate :
The guys!
I understand, of course, that you have trouble deciphering the hints, but fucking, if the girl says she’s frozen, that means she wants you to embrace her rather than philosophize about the coming cold winter!! to

Desperate girl who didn’t wait for her arms.

We are not telepaths. We are not telepaths. The girl can hint on the hugs, or she can hint on going somewhere. In the second case, a ton of misunderstanding will come to the guy for the imposed arms. Do you want hugs? You say you’re frozen and carefully cling to the guy. Or speak straight. Get used to immediately when communicating with men to make a discount on their misunderstanding. Because with the further development of relationships, even with the most understanding guy, a situation will begin that, having used to communicating so, the girl begins to be offended that her more and more meaningless phrases remain incomprehensible. And we are afraid to be obsessive with those girls we really like. And yet we are tired and we may not understand "the simplest". Be tolerant to us. We love you, but we don’t always understand you.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №104450
 22.10.2014
After the match LH BATE - Shahter (0:7 if that) Shahter's coach said: "In the retaliation match, the BATE will be a different team"
Top comment: "Now clear pen, this composition of the father shoots"

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna