bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 141 - ] Comment quote №65506
 12.06.2012
The English played against the French.
I understand, of course, that the French footballer is native to Algeria and it is not his fault that his name is Samir Nasri.
But the commentator, imho, should take into account the language of his native country and not make the sentences:
and Nasri!
Stay on the right flank!
Go on forward!
Drop it yourself!
Go to Ribery!
And my favorite:
Nasri... Nasri! and Nasri! Go to the near corner! The count is 1:1!

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №65505
 12.06.2012
[22:58:30] Sasaki Kojirou: Skype just offered me, I quote: "subscribe to a plan and call on regular phones without restrictions"
[22:58:53] Sasaki Kojirou: Yes, by subscribing to the plan, I will be able to zone without restrictions not only on phones, but also on the microwave.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №65504
 12.06.2012
from youtube commentary

Happy future with MMM

Everyone will work exclusively for their own pleasure and do what they want. Here are, for example, dog owners - breeding dogs, deer owners - deer, and Sergey Panteleich - loch.

Captcha 4 days. back to

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №65503
 12.06.2012
I was looking for a junior a while ago.
I found it here in the community, but unfortunately, my superiors preferred knowledge of Hebrew to professional qualities and took the oborigen with GREAT MOTIVATION (promised to work day and night and justify the trust shown).
Today I gave him a task: to write a script that counts how many hours have passed since the beginning of the year.
Five hours have passed, no script.
I begin to lay down the algorithm on the shelves (in this case, even the word is too loud).
I say, first we check the year and ask - how the year affects the time in the year.
Comrade does not understand.
I give another chance. I ask how many days in the year.
Clearly answered 365 (only answer)
Question: What happens once every four years?
Now be prepared:
After thinking for a few seconds, he replies - "Euro".
You are funny, and my boss wants to give him a chance.

* For women (Euro - European Football Championship)

[ + 41 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65502
 12.06.2012
Yesterday I was in the pharmacy, in front of me the girl bought a large package of condoms, a lubricant and... a wide bandage.
Somebody’s going to be an...an until death.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №65501
 12.06.2012
You’re going to go with me on a date, right? standing on his knees
WOW: Oh what is it? You’ll be there and I’ll hold the candle? No – No...
Bro... I’m afraid of her.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №65500
 12.06.2012
A dispute with my wife.
I called your mother and congratulated her. I forgot about my mom’s doctor last time.
M: Dear, there is a fundamental reason why you remember such things, and I don’t remember. (I point out the gesture in the direction of primary sexual characteristics). Hence the main differences!
For a moment, I thought... Are you a fucker?

[ + 16 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65499
 12.06.2012
You need something or you don’t – you’ll know when you throw it away

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №65498
 12.06.2012
“Tell me and I will forget. Show me and I will remember. Let me teach someone and it will be mine. Go aside and then maybe I’ll finally be able to do better than you taught me.”

The phrase seems to be familiar, but in this form you will not find it either in Franklin or in the ancient Chinese to whom it is attributed. It was abandoned to me a few years ago by a brilliant lawyer of the older generation. He was forever busy, forgot the exact quote, and he had to reinvent it himself. What’s called, Franklin turned aside. I think our lawyer did better.

This aphorism inspired him by a youthful memory. Despite the academic degree of a doctor of legal sciences and a lot of overly calculated regalias, he hardly remembered the lectures of the jurfak of forty years ago and the Talmud of the then textbooks. But his coursework, "On motivation of crimes", he had to do himself in real criminal cases - he remembered it to the details. Then, at the end of the sixties, a resolution came out that the accused should carefully find out the motives of the crime and take them into account when issuing a sentence. Before this ruling was easier - for how many years you rushed, so much and sit. Here a student and assigned a hot topic for the course. Investigating her, he found a bunch of amazing cases of those years, one of which I will tell.

The man was accused of having arranged a gun armor in the middle of the day in the Vladivostok supermarket "Golden Horn". First he shot the roof, then the people. There were no casualties, but the bullets were pulled out of the door. A mass murder attempt, a terrorist attack. The criminal has almost been convicted, and this is your decision. I had to ask him about the motives. He calmly replied that it was a foolish drunken joke - he only gathered to shoot into the ceiling. It seemed to him, do you see that from a long time of peace the people became quite cowardly. If anything happens, no one will protect the country, not even they can stand for themselves. Here he checked the people for seamlessness - a man stands in the center of the hall, does not throw on anyone, burns strictly into the ceiling, in the rest behaves normally. And nobody tried to stop him, everybody drove away.

“Why did you start shooting at people?” The investigator asked him.
“You understand, when I opened the ceiling shooting, women panicked and the healthiest cockroaches were the first to jump to the door! I was very sorry for the men, so I stumbled on them! From the soul!”

Psychiatrists found no defects in the man. Except for a strong sense of justice. And for this, we are not in a psychic, only in jail. The appeal went to the court: "A mitigating circumstance - was extremely outraged by the non-Soviet behavior of individual citizens"

[ + 47 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65497
 12.06.2012
And my grandmother still has a new Sony video magnet, which she promised to give me for my wedding.

[ + 120 - ] [3 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65496
 12.06.2012
How poor and naive you are, boys 15-25 years old. You believe that with your miserable life experience you know life. Having gathered in the back of life, and in the “Kiss123” you measure all women by their standards. Sitting on your mother’s neck and having worked for a couple of months as a promoter or consultant, you scream out loud that there are more than 10,000 in this country. Honestly not earning. Having listened to a couple of nurtured friends who in turn created worthless disadvantaged families, you believe that men are polygamous and must betray. You build your understanding of life from fragments of sites where the same losers share their experiences. You often don’t even suspect that there is another social layer where people do their favorite business and create happy families. But you don’t cross with them, they don’t drink beer at the entrances and don’t give “smart” advice on the forums, they don’t. And even if you meet them somewhere, then proceed through your teeth something jealous, not even realizing that you missed your chance to learn about another life again. Some of you will find out later, going through the robberies. Someone will never understand. Sadly...

[ + 31 - ] [8 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65495
 12.06.2012
From the hubr: It is difficult to take the news seriously about the virus writer from the village of Boru-Bash Ak-Sui district, who was detained by the operatives of the cyber threat group of the tenth department of the UVD of the Issyk-Kul region.

[ + 48 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65494
 12.06.2012
Wiping out my mouth, I answered:
Humiliates people who with a mouth foam persuade others to urgently stop watching TV, because you just get dumb from it. And then, proudly raising their heads, they go to watch their favorite series on the compass.

Your favourite series can be strikingly different from the really stinking soap operettes that are spinning on the TV. In addition, the series and the movie that you watch on the compilation, 100% will not be interrupted by the malicious advertisement. Yes, and the program for the party can be made independently, and watch exactly what you like, exactly when convenient.
It is about serialists. But you can also mention a variety of bu-ga-ga-shows with sorting humor, House-2, crazy programs about the treatment of cancer with a cabbage leaf, ANALYTIC transmission, bought-re-bought, and other TV games.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №65493
 12.06.2012
I clarify

From VK:
A day on Venus is longer than a year.
Commentary :
Isn’t the year made up of days?

Day is the time of rotation around its own axis. 243 Earth days for Venus.
Year is the time of the orbit around the sun. For Venus 225 Earth days.

[ + 64 - ] Comment quote №65492
 12.06.2012
It has long been known that female nipples are the male erogenous zone.
Yyy: I wanted to bet, but then compared my feelings with the expression of my husband’s face when he gets to them... And indeed, rather male :-)

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №65491
 12.06.2012
I go with two of my dogs - puddles in exhibition condition, fresh washed, good - I admire myself. On the bench the grandmother of God. He smiles from far away. What beautiful dogs you have on your collar.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №65490
 12.06.2012
>> I work all day on Intersharma on Saturday. And that means all that I hate - spikes, makeup, layout (Intersharm, huli) and most importantly the babies who ask questions...<<

I don't understand - those who regularly suffer so much here - they will die of hunger without this work that breaks them so much, can't change the field of activity? Or are they masochists who just love to elevate the brain of others?
Irritating communication with people - go to work as a guard on a regime object. The question is, you are shooting. Just saw the shadow of a man - you shoot so that the question is not asked.
And there will be complete harmony, peace in the soul and prize.

[ + 35 - ] [10 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65489
 12.06.2012
The reverse side of love is hatred, but even it can be controlled.
Infernal: you can not only control diarrhea, everything else is possible!

[ + 24 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №65488
 12.06.2012
How to react when the boss tells anecdotes about the anal fuck of the subordinates?

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №65487
 12.06.2012
A friend chooses a refrigerator.
I want 2 meters.
Well, this 190, you will get 10 cm.
Nicole: That is a lot.
It’s a lot for the member, but not for the refrigerator.

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