One comment on the forum:
I dive, I was not taught normal words, so I express myself in matte and a bunch of crying signs, so more emotional.and "
(c) the comment was modified by admin for a mat, which did not make sense.

(Modified by the moderator)

XHHH: with his broke up, now the computer to repair no one.
WOW: You mainly do not call Vadik, he will REALLY repair the computer...

The football match between Kyrgyz politicians ended in a massive fight.
The fight on the field was provoked by a drunk judge.

Q: Do you know that the knee was hidden from the military committee before, and now from the psychic brigade?
Q: So what did he do?
Oh, well, he was shorter, he was shrinking from the military committee, he was tired. He decided to resolve the case by a salve. Do you remember his hamster Senju?
I remember that knee victim. and CHO?
Well, briefly, he took the senya, wrapped it with an isolant and hanged it on his neck. So I went to the Medical Committee.
I’m crazy, I imagine...
HH: You can’t imagine. So here. He went through all the doctors, went to the psychiatrist.
The OMFG...
The next dialogue:
Psychiatrist: What is it for you?
Knee: This is my animal. I love him.
Psychiatrist: How do you love him?
Well, here the knee stretches the width, gets the object of his pride, puts it in readiness and begins to stretch the senya as a contraceptive.
Ept, kill me!
Well, in short, the doctor at the knee picked out the senya, and called the brigade, from which this devil barely had time to get rid of, now hiding for friends...

Description of the video on YouTube:
I helped xxx. Specifically, Nihua he did not help, but it should be mentioned.

What can you write to make a person smile?
Tagged: breastfeeding
xxx : ahaha
xxx is
xxx thank you
YYY: It is working!

First here joked about the Aichi, then about the sessions, now about the children... I’ll wait for the grandchildren.

This is the time to not stand out from the crowd - you have to look like an idiot.

Six years ago we were visited by relatives from Germany in New York. Uncle Sasha and aunt Shura, by family Shuriki. Both were already over 80 at the time, but the bodies were incredible. Uncle Sasha is a war veteran, a machine gunman, on the front line from January 43 (when he turned 18) and until Victory. Because of his knowledge of German, he was often attracted to interrogation of prisoners, and now he probably meets former “languages” on the streets of his Hannover. He does not like to talk about war, but if you talk to him, you will be listened to. My son-in-law, for whom before that the Great Patriotic was somewhere in the same row with the Battle of Kulikov, simply did not depart from him. Aunt Shura is a caretaker, still sometimes she seeks something to the German neighbors and is very elegantly dressed.

They had come to us for five years before, but then something didn’t work out. And then suddenly arranged a trip all over America, visited friends and relatives in five or six cities, plus bus tours to the Grand Canyon, Niagara and somewhere else. I would think well before giving myself such a burden. And they are nothing, at the end of the day they just stumbled. On the last evening, Uncle Sasha fell asleep in a chair, and Aunt Shura, looking back at her husband, told her what made them postpone the trip. A remarkable story.

They, like most of our elderly in Germany, and a significant part of the working people, live on “social” – poverty allowance. It can be argued to what extent this benefit helps people to lead a decent life or, on the contrary, makes them dependents, but Uncle Sasha earned his contribution from the Germans. Life on social has its own peculiarities - for example, you can not keep money on a bank account, or decide that you are not poor enough, and forgive the benefit. Therefore, the savings (which there are in the old savings - a few thousand euros) are kept at home in cash. And so it turned out that many friends gave their money to store Aunt Shura. Some were lonely and feared that the money would disappear after their death, others did not trust the coming cleaners and nurses, others, on the contrary, lived with children and feared drunken son-in-law and greedy brides. It seemed to them that in Aunt Shurin’s “bank” money would be more complete – and so it was, in general.

The “Bank” was a puffy envelope with banknotes lying in the closet. Then just introduced the euro currency, and Uncle Sasha gradually took the mark from the envelope and exchanged it for the euro. And then he came up with another piece of euro, opened the closet to put it in place – and no envelope! At first they were not very scared: Aunt Shura had the habit, if the steps on the stairs caught her with a envelope in her hands, to hide it somewhere quickly. I searched in places of possible asshole – not found. Looking carefully, there is no envelope. I broke the entire apartment with a step in a centimeter – no. I wondered if there were strangers in the house. No one was there, only the granddaughter of the high school rushed for tea. Of course, I didn’t think about my granddaughter. They invited the guess, she made the passes with her hands and confidently said that the money was in the apartment, in such a zone. This area (approximately one-third of the apartment) was interrupted once again, a step in a millimeter, but still nothing was found.

About 15 thousand euros were lost, the amount for the elderly is unbearable. About telling the "contributors" about the disappearance and refusing to return, they did not even think. On the one hand, it is obvious and there is nothing to admire here, the debts must be paid off, on the other hand - whether our generation with you "threw" and the best friends, and banks, and the state. More notably, Shurikov has a son and daughter, they also live in Germany, work, and for them 15 thousand - a tangible amount, but not immense. But can you bother children, they have their concerns enough. They didn’t say anything to the kids, they decided to go out on their own.

They completely stopped spending money on themselves, all the benefit until the last pfening went to compensate for the loss. Good in Germany there are places where you can get food for free – somewhere a plate of soup, somewhere garlic bread, somewhere grain or canned food. They learned all these places and timetables of their work and did not miss any distribution. Aunt Shura collected orders for sewing, as far as the gradually rejecting eyes and hands allowed. Uncle Sasha arranged to meet foreign children from school. Another article of income was the surrender of the apartment under overnight stays to the dispatched from Russia. Business is illegal – the apartment is a state – and risky, but one night of fear was equal to five cofflets.

Here I write this and directly see the curved smile of readers: say, than you, the author, are trying to appeal us, we in Russia all retirees live this way, and those whose children have borrowed loans or foolish scammers have scammed money for supplements and vacuum cleaners, live ten times worse. Your truth, only that is not my fault and not uncle Sasha and aunt Shura, and who is to blame, you know yourself. And I am not tears, I am telling the story of the collapse and the revival of aunt-Shurin Bank.

The crash did not happen, by the time when one of the friends demanded the refund of the money, the necessary amount was already collected. Basically, the need for early repayment arose because of the death of the contributors - a matter of life, all of them were already in old age, and the very drunken son-in-law and greedy nieces, from whom the money was hidden from Aunt Shura, received them in full.

After five years of uninterrupted labor and the most brutal savings, the lost amount was fully restored. And here the granddaughter, a long time no longer a schoolgirl, but a student, came back to visit. That was, of course, not her second visit in five years, but this time she suddenly recalled:
I once drank Tibetan tea and I liked it. It’s been a long time ago, but you probably have it, you don’t throw anything away.

And indeed, there was some unusual tea, someone gave, Aunt Shura once served her granddaughter, and then did not touch it for a hundred years. He walked into the shelves and found a box of tea. She opened... and there is a envelope with marks and euros, lying, waiting for her. It was she, when she was conducting her granddaughter and cleaning off the table, hearing steps on the stairs and automatically hiding the money in the box.

“Well,” concluded Aunt Shura, “when Sasha learned that the money had returned, he said that it should be spent immediately for himself, as long as he is alive and has the strength. Here we came.

I was with them in Germany last year. Thank God, they are still alive and relatively healthy, even though they are under 90. But not young, of course. I’t get out of the ocean anymore.

I was not surprised when one of my friends asked another for a screwdriver, but when she got it out of her bag...

Epifun: a house sold for 2 million by km. View of the sea via Google Maps

In childhood, boys were dressed as rabbits and girls as snowflakes. Therefore, the boys grew up cowardly and the girls became cold.
Who will raise the boy who was dressed with tomatoes in the advertisement? O_O

We hardly watch TV at all. My wife doesn’t watch at all, and I and my daughter are just cartoons. My daughter because of her age, I because of her daughter ;-)

You can endlessly watch the T-800 burn and the T-1000 flow!

I was on the metro today. A stewardess entered the car at one of the stations. This is in the form of the airline logo.
The train was hard on the road, people barely got in. The man who stood next to her:
Girl, tell the pilot that no one has ever taken off from underground.

Engineer: What a fun was the microwave outside the window. Once there was a thunder. He shrugged so hard, thoroughly.
Engineer: Immediately it rained like a cage and it ended. And the sun shines. Minutes did not pass.
Engineer: It was as if God had torn the toilet pen with all his strength, and together with the tank, the door was broken out and flew out into the corridor.
Blaspheme to the c.
Engineer: And sitting on the floor smiles among the pieces of ceramics and with the pen cut off in his hand.

The Sonim Land-Rover

"Alibi" function (during the conversation you can include the background: on a motorcycle, in a restaurant, at a concert, in a bar, etc.)

xxxh: learned and a lot of time did not go on the internet and did not walk. Here I went out on the street to walk. And I saw these very ones, who were wearing hats 228. only I had my eyes on my studies and returned home with the full confidence that the hat was 988. and all the way home I thought, and here is the year of the baptism of Russia.
WOW: Fear 988, if you offer sacrifices to pagan gods :D

I opened our eyes to the courier.
2nd?
He thought that all this shit on the streets was from the Oduanchiks.
2: and
2: So I was in childhood

Do you know how to make plastic carrot? I quote: "Blind the ball, scroll it into the oval and give it the shape of a cone."" This is in a book for children four to five years old. % of