bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 52 - ] Comment quote №62146
 31.03.2012
The programmer advises someone by phone:
“Take a woman, enter her, and make her two children.”

It meant that you need to enter the employee card and set the details children = 2.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №62145
 31.03.2012
I am going to repair the food for my friend tonight. I ask a colleague at work (he doesn’t know why):
I'm coming here tonight, don't you have a soldier for the weekend?
YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY Do you still need a cushion?

[ + 62 - ] Comment quote №62144
 31.03.2012
A young accountant used to insert a flash drive with a bank key into the system. Its "shutdown" - as a result of the flash drive in half, the USB port is broken with meat...
Admin: Nadjanka, you are like Venus of Milos!
Nadia: Why is it?
ADMIN: So what about? The face is beautiful, the legs are slim, the chest is perfect.
Nadia is...
Admin: And it is useless!! to
Tagged: o_o

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №62143
 31.03.2012
XXX: I just want to sleep. This is the goal of my whole life. I need nothing more from her.

YYY: Monkeys live in warm countries, do nothing all day long, only eat and fuck. The work of the monkey made man, and now man fucking little, but working all day. I think the monkeys abandoned us.

XXX at the point. I want to be a monkey.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №62142
 31.03.2012
If in the beginning was the Word, then the Creator is still a philologist. So what do you want from a world created by humanity?

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №62141
 31.03.2012
I don’t understand why do we need to exchange opinions when everyone remains with their own?
Joseph of Egypt

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №62140
 31.03.2012
300 Spartans (Made in China)

My job is like a job, it’s even more dangerous.
I work as a marine anti-pirate.
They drowned recently on a Chinese ship following through the Gulf of Aden, past the shores of Somalia.
Two days remained before entering the pirate hazard zone, so all the necessary preparations were planned.
During the revision of the future citadel, I notice crafted metal shields and long sharpened metal bars.
It turned out that the ship's captain took action, and in the event of the absence of us, the anti-pirates, gave instructions to the sailors to prepare for a possible repulsion of the attack.
The idea was brilliant and simple - to stand on the roof of the ship with metal shields in the manner of the Spartans, and arming the pics, not to let black gentlemen get on board.
They played a training alarm, according to which the entire crew of the ship hid in the citadel.
Worked very well.
And we, the anti-pirate team, at the same time, fired weapons, hanging targets on the same metal shields.
When 25 Chinese sailors saw the condition of the shields, the captain was barely lynched.

www.antipirates.org

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №62139
 31.03.2012
Their shortcomings?
is untalking.
Their dignity?
It is indolent.

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №62138
 31.03.2012
Specifications of Wi-Fi antenna at 25 dbi:
...As I wrote at the very beginning, the antenna was purchased in the office to connect to a free access point, but unfortunately, even with this antenna, it was not possible to get the "hallava". Now I ordered an amplifier, I will try to use it.

The Russian man loves halya so much that he is willing to give any money for it.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №62137
 31.03.2012
Today on the Odessa-Kyiv route observed the repair of the road in Ukrainian. Everything is enclosed with chips, there are various kinds of road repair services... and a man with a tail breaks the asphalt.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №62136
 31.03.2012
On the way to work, I went to the post office to buy envelopes. The check was taken for reporting to the accounting office. All as usual. The check was submitted to the accounting office and the money was returned to me. I sit in my place, I work, suddenly I hear from the accounting office a hysterical laugh...I go in, the headbush of laughter wipes tears and words can’t speak, only the finger in the check ticks...And there in the name of the purchase means: “Non-traditional services”... Now the whole office can’t calm down, everyone is interested in answering one question – for what such non-traditional services I went to the post before working...

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №62135
 31.03.2012
Today is the pre-last day of March. Buy a ticket, pay for the internet, feed the cat. Saturday morning is unrealistic.

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №62134
 31.03.2012
POMbI4: I’m an old pirate and I don’t know the words of the license agreement.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №62133
 31.03.2012
1 - A word in which there are 3 "e" in a row?
2 - and the word where 8 consonants and one voice is not necessary?
3 - Clayed whispered the serpent: the long-seated counter-wracked!

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №62132
 30.03.2012
XXX: There was a case in the PGU. One teacher (grandfather already) went to the decanate with the couple, well, for some reason he was called, and in order for the students not to run away he locked them on the key.
XXX: I forgot about them.
They, the poor, sat in that audience for three hours.
YYY: Well, even if he has released them at all!)))
XX: Yes... They were already knocking at the door, but they couldn’t break it out...
xxx: They shouted "Let go, fuck!"
In the corridor there was such an agitation.

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №62131
 30.03.2012
I decided to ride a car with a friend at night.

Please call me on Friday after 7am.
YYY : Okay Are we just driving or going to chase? What type of car should I drive? ?
XXX in the meaning?
YYY: In the sense of the icon to put or not?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №62130
 30.03.2012
xxx: How can I prevent apps from changing the browser’s home page and default search?
Galca in the Explorer, for example, does not bring results.
yyy: Try installing the browser instead of the explorer.

[ + 54 - ] Comment quote №62129
 30.03.2012
xxx: My mom told me: "If you don’t study, you’ll sell a silk at the market"
I am going to be a gardener.
ccc: I was scared by the washing of the entrances ;)
DDD: And I’m puzzled...

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №62128
 30.03.2012
- And spa salons, manicure is, in fact, maintenance of women?
Which is more expensive: the cars or the women?
It depends on the woman!
Depends on the run.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №62127
 30.03.2012
Fate gave me the greatest gift. The girl who was the meaning of my whole life has turned into a dull fat cow who can’t connect two words. Fuck, I was almost happy, because she left me then!

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