According to the brother about the communication with the customs officer of the country of temporary residence (Britain) after the unexpected change of the passport (the previous one was stolen). The passport number in the system of another + new hairstyle + fingerprint reader is not working correctly. In the end, it looks like a random person is trying to take on someone else’s identity. They call the chief of the customs service, his deputy, guards and some other knots. They check everything for a long time and ask again the question of where the previous passport went. The brother gives a paper from the police that he was stolen. Customs officers read it for a long time, study it in every way, then, changing the expression of the face, with sadness stretch the paper and the passport back: "We are very sorry for your loss, please do not worry too much, we will do our best." He passes by, hiding his passport. Upon arrival, he noticed that he accidentally gave the customs officers the wrong certificate from the police. Instead of a stolen passport - a statement about a stolen bicycle... (MV)

A programming engineer. The door opens, Aunt Uzer enters. Without a pause monologue:
– Oh! Hi to! I have been registering inventions for 37 years, and what is the database? The engineers told me I had an electronic textbook. Yes, you don't understand, I've registered all this many times and I know all the documents, and I know what a database is, and you know? Looking at my workplace! I want the same computer, and that with two screens to the same keyboard! Well for now!
He turns and leaves. What was this? 0 - O

discussion of an article with a complaint against the patriarch and a proposal to deprive him of his san
XXX: Eruption of the San
YYY: Sanoe eruption
zzz: premature ejaculation

Seeing neighbors swing around the field with bags of potatoes behind their shoulders from the place of collection to the basement, there is only one phrase in my head: ''We need more gold!'
But after 10 minutes you begin to feel growing discomfort from the fact that something is wrong, and there is a desire to send a couple of people to the nearest garden, tear down trees.

Antivirus by Kaspersky? No, I don’t use it anymore.
Why so?
It attracts viruses.
What is? How is it?
As soon as I put it on, he immediately begins to find something and treat it. This is not the case with other antivirus.

About the "Child Protection Act"
A few minutes ago, a photo was posted on Twitter that speaks very sweetly about protection.
It contains two albums: Timati's album and ABBA's album.
Timati is allowed to listen from the age of 6 and Abba is 18+.
Lol what?! to

Montserrat Caballé arrives, posters are hanged around the city.
That is, of course, very cool. There is a 16+ sign on the poster.
Anyone can clearly explain what a 79-year-old aunt sings, what can not be listened to 15-year-old children?? to

Advertising of another TV magazine:
Despite the fact that Yuri Tabakov, the son of Oleg Tabakov, studied in the school for three, this did not prevent him from successfully enrolling in the theatre college under the leadership of Oleg Tabakov.

and Wonderkind!!!...
Probably even in the budget.

Fuck, the computer is crazy. I press the disk D twice, and it shows me its properties. Maybe a virus? How is it called?
XXX: What are you doing now?
I eat, and what?
xxx: This is called the plate pressed alt.

Call to the universe about the sessions:

Hi girl, I wanted to know how to get a call to the session.
No, you have to go to the dean yourself and sign...
How do I get there if I’m in another city?
Will you come to the session at all?
Oh yeah yes. But for that I need a challenge.
Come to the meeting and get a challenge.
How will I come if I am not released from work without a call? First a challenge and then a return.
WOW: I can’t help you with anything.

(Surprised... Oh, and the university is very even not small, and the state...)

My naive belief in people died when someone started a conversation with them. support with the words "You are fucking there? Stop throwing up!"

In the evening, I wait for my husband in bed, he plays a dota:
M: They are stupid here, running on the map, a hundred times could have been done!
I: So you say that a hot girl is waiting for you in bed.
Her husband turns around and says:
M: Is it you? No one will believe me!

My wife wore a bracelet on her hand. When she complains about something, you need to remove the bracelet and put it on the other hand. The point is to carry it on one hand for 21 days.

So, she broke him.

Let’s take the car to Peter!
I don’t know how to make mines.
I will not take it at my own expense!

I am actually a sweet innocent flower.
I have never had sex or watched porn.
I don’t even know what sex is.
That’s six in German, right?
WOW: It is right
In German it is six.
Japanese with Tentacles

In social: the guy lives and works under a pseudonym.
Alexis Chaot: heh I went to the bank today and made a questionnaire. I asked the name, and then I thought... I was stuck for 3 minutes, I couldn’t remember. I took my passport and read it from there. The employee’s face should have been seen.

XXX: I go to the city. The storm begins, the wind is strong. I opened the umbrella and the dog broke into two parts. I am standing under the rainy rain. Transformers are crazy.
Yyy: He’s on the way for the decepticons :D

A commentary to an interview with footballer Hulk, where he says that beans are his favorite food and it makes him stronger:

spartaFAN 09 September 2012, 16:01

Grandma rushed to collect Andrew's new package to London

My husband never lies! He promised to send me on vacation to rest and sent me... on vacation... in a maternity vacation.... in a resting vacation!!! to

xxx: At the time of the device, we were told that we could work from home, and indeed, we came home from work and worked from home!