“Believe only Mom and Dad and the girl with whom you’re walking around the park today. If you walked yesterday, don’t believe it anymore".

Fishbone: The oldest virgin revealed her secret to the world on the eve of her 105th birthday. By the way, the secret of her longevity she believes is the absence of sex. Her grandmother’s name is Clara Meadmore.

What kind of food did your grandmother eat?

This is sarcasm, you don’t understand. Go download the sarcasm tablet, I’ll print it for such moments.
(within 5 minutes)
is difficult.
What is?
I can’t find the sarcasm! Google only releases screenshots of the Big Bang Theory!

UTorrent manufacturers are releasing a paid uTorrentPlus, I wonder if a broken version will soon appear on torrents?

At our work, the girl alone did the operation on the nose,because he did not breathe at all.And here is the breeze she is so pleased,blowing,that How good is the nose to breathe!And the devil pulled me to grumble:Now you have moved to a new level.You are available for a minute,not suffocating.

On one of the central channels, such as control procurement, was. They show the whisker and say: "On the label it is written made in Scotland, and on the excise duty "UK" how is it?" And most importantly, the seller himself can understand nothing! This is why geography should be taught in school. and :)

Nokia is an amazing phone. For three days he has warned me that the battery is running out.

Our driver had a trouble: someone gave an announcement in the newspaper that an employee was required to work at home and, sealed, indicated his (our driver's) phone. The problem was solved, the phone was reprinted, but the calls continued for two weeks. And then when he finally whispered, at the next call he ringed me to talk. There was a grandmother at the end.

Do you need an employee to work at home?
Do you have a scanner?
Yes, but what is the job?
I: Well, look: a man comes to your house and brings some drawings and documents. If possible, it is better for him to come at two or three o’clock at night so that no one sees him. You scan all these drawings and documents, download them on the flash and the next day put them under the stone in the park, I will show you under which.
Baby (uncertain): what are the drawings?
I: So when it is a tank, then a plane, then a rocket. The aircraft carriers have gone well lately, or the submarines. Salary in dollars. And decent.

A long silence in the telephone.

Baba (with a shaking voice): You know, I just burned my windows, so I can’t.

He dropped the phone.

"....monolithic cube 7x7x3 m...."
That's why it's all broken down that 7x7x3 is, from the point of view of the builder, a cube.

I was persuaded by my mother 12 years ago to go to the puddle. I went because I rarely saw my mom and could not refuse her.
We came to some crushchop, a aunt sitting in the kitchen with cards (not tarot). Let’s throw your passies. Indeed, it would be better for Sapphire to dismantle.
You have a sick liver.
- No, I am out, all the medical commissions show me as a benchmark in the section of the garrison.
You have sick kidneys.
“No, I can drink 3 liters of beer and suck and go last in the company.
You have...
I have bags under my eyes since childhood, inherited. Don’t study me, I read Carnegie. Go ahead, the cards don’t lie!
You will meet a woman!
And I carry. I am married for the second time. What do I have in the future?
The Road! Here is the sixth saying that you have a road!
This is not a six, but a reversed nine. My trolley bus follows the route number 9, goodbye.

My mother forbade her to appear.

and ru.How does God treat worms?
Whocares: Like a mother of birth. He allowed Noah to save these creatures. Noah was the ark for them.

In full seriousness, I appeal to Russian scientists, the Olympiad in Sochi is only in two years! Stop testing your climate weapons today, fucking, you have the strength to count, already Venice in the ice, yopt.

Go to the doctor. There are two doctors:
Operations are finished today. People will be less...

If you are a girl and you are attracted to other girls, then you are a lesbian. If you’re a guy and you’re attracted to guys, you’re gay. If you are equally attracted to men and women, you are bisexual. But how to name a girl who is attracted to only gay men?
Yyy is Bella.

My husband and daughter are sick at home. Call from work:
I: What are you doing?
M: You won’t believe it. I sit in the crown on the throne.
I : what?
I am the prince.
I: of what?
M: Okay, once I, here the dragon attacked the princess, I run to rescue.

In 5 minutes. He calls again, “Listen, come first, my ass is already hurt from the throne and the roof is worn.

The surroundings complained that I am marrying a lot, like a lady should not in any case. I decided to fix it and today, instead of "blade", I inserted "ah". By the evening, the surroundings told me to tie, or, literally, "you want to take and fuck"; ((

I was out of the house here at 7.30 in the morning, on Thursday - as in the open space: dog cold, darkness and a starry sky.

I’m the only one sitting there listening brutally when the whole bus of idiots is listening to babie radio; the only one who has not done so, the only one who is not afraid of anything, who has not prepared and has given up and other variations on these topics. It is just annoying how people praise themselves and think of themselves as unicomies, and the puzzle is one - all pooher. Everyone’s playing on the radio that a man plays in the bus and what a blonde plays in the player. There are millions of girls in the world who listen to the myth, and everyone understands it. To whom do you write ballads about yourself? Sorry, they are annoying like that. In the kitchen, tell new acquaintances about yourself and show them everything.

My mother’s conversation with my father in the kitchen (Ukraine):

Mother: Here in the cuisines of other countries there are often all kinds of perversions, and we do not...

Father: Okay, but what about raw subcutaneous fat with salt, blood with strawberries baked in the gut and cooked salad?

Mother: What is it? OO

Dad: How about what? Salo, Bloody and Borscht

How is your favorite person recorded on your phone?

XXX is Mom.