XX: Why does Marsik (cat) so hate the crocodile? No one ever beat him or even frightened him.
XY: This is the memory of our ancestors.)

from ZH:

"I worked out yesterday. Guys from Sverdlovsk asked to help, to deduct a PDF booklet for citizens. Everything is useful.
"Not a question, - I agreed, - send the version". Fortunately, the work is not dusty.
have sent. I deducted. Repair the prints. sent him back. "Well, they say, we are sending in the printing already".
And here I feel like something is shaking. "Well, I say, guys, let me see you again quickly".
I guessed. I have looked. And surely!

I thought it was only in books about classical printing.

In the title "Rules of Behavior in Places of Mass Stay of People", in the word "stay" - instead of the letter "r" suddenly formed the letter "o".

Fixed, wiped out a cold sweat.
The booklet barely played with new colors!"

I am lying there, I cannot sleep. I think "So if I don’t sleep now, I’ll go clean"
Cut off in five seconds. I am a fucking housewife.

Alex: Do you know why the images from different Mars ships come so differently? Because some are filming Lucas, others are Spielberg.

In the molecule drawing program, if you try to draw more than seven bonds to a coal, the message appears: "Do you try to draw a coal?"

Young (aged 2.5 years) today issued:
My grandmother gave me a shit.
I am – Chew Chew?
M – Huey
I go to my grandmother (hand in hand)
I: Here is the grandmother, what a nice, she is not sorry for the child! What are you teaching, Mom?! to
My grandmother and I ate Hourma!
I am – oh!

A few years ago. Ordinary town, Ordinary town. A Gypsy with a Popcorn.
“Oh, sweetheart, golden the pen, I’ll tell you everything I’ve been told, everything I’ll tell you.
And what will be?
You won’t believe it, sweetheart! The word "blade" through "t" will be written! Even worse, instead of "I" will be "EA" writing. Oh what happens.
With the fucking?
- Well, the youth will start to thumb gradually, and the essence of the problem will be poured out on some minister. Young people don’t read books because the reform was done.
What to do, mother?
Fuck my son, fuck me! Dostoevsky, Dusty, yes with all four volumes.

I have a friend to his 24 years of age managed to have two children, take a mortgage, break his car and a foreign mark, for which he has not yet paid 200 pieces.
With this speed, he only has to plant a tree.
And hang on it.

If you see a text in a foreign language in which there is not a single familiar word at all, it is, fucking, Hungarian.

We have a woman’s toilet in our office.
That’s why men sometimes run for girls to wash their cups.
XXX: and here I am standing at the pissuar
xxx: I am doing things
xxx: and then there is one and immediately " Man what do you do in the women’s toilet???!?!and "
xxx: answer "also the same thing that pissuar does here"confused her...

I took the monitor home a day ago from work in a large sports bag, today I decided to return the bag... I left the house, I think that the bag is heavy, I open it, and there the cat is sitting, silently watching me :] :D

I stand on the staircase cage, smoking, thinking like raising a dead servo!
Below are sitting and worshiping about how to teach in this life, girls with boys either chew or smoke, it all joke me, distract me from the thoughts, don't let me concentrate, just a banal thought came!

I open the door and that is urine: Atas Miha junkraaaa!

Going to the window, I see 5 strangers running away, happy went home, but his mood raised!

How to choose Volga?? to
Pull the glue key and say "Nifga yourself!". It doesn’t matter, let the extinguisher even yesterday set - the owner will think that he was sold a fake. If you turn your hands over the cardboard, then you can still say that "the breath is hanging" and "how the main paratroop lusts!". If you are still pulling along the cardano, then be sure to say - the tail of the box is broken. Touch the slice of the towel and say "the towel is loose". Well, under the hood you will find something to criticize yourself - there is such a large size (compared to the Zubil) engine, that you will immediately understand that such a large number of details our people will not assemble as required by the design documentation. Take the pump and tap it. Then sadly, not lusting the master, say to yourself under the nose "luggage". Improve it. Act unconventionally. This will save you money. Pretend that you don’t want to buy this car at all, but just diagnose it for free for a good person.

Cat (metis Siberian and Maine Coon) There was some sort of shit. For four days, the cat fled from the consequences, and the cat fled far more than us.Now we call him Bleuval and Sruhlhu.

xx is:
You guys would know!
When she is evil and leaves, follow her.
When she looks at your lips, kiss her.
When she pushes you away, hold her and don’t let her go.
When she calls you, kiss her and say that you love her.
When she’s evil, say she’s very cute.
When she’s quiet, ask what’s wrong.
When she ignores you, attract her attention.

YY :
In short, when she says, does she always say the anger?

Few people know that Chuck Norris played in Star Wars.
He played the Force.)

What country is that?! to
It was cold in the morning, ice everywhere.
Carefully, in a barrel, on a half-bound.
I crawl and chant. The fucking. In the lounge.

A practical woman will marry a goat if she has a lot of cabbage.

The German Road
My old, yet well-functioning refrigerator, I gave to an even older, but also still working old grandfather - our concierge. And man is pleasant, and I do not drag to the wash. The refrigerator is great, only the door is crashing. The old man studied the problem through his thick-walled glasses and quickly saw the ways to solve it:
- Here and here I will swing, I will twist the loop, I have the gates left. The door
It will be for the century.
My grandfather’s mood rose and for the first time in his life he wanted to talk to me about something more than “hello”:
- My son-in-law will take him to the village, to the Smolensk region. There we have as
The German road has become harder for the winter. Go through the sky... another.
There is no road to us anyway.

I don’t leave, I understand that the conversation needs a bit of support and I ask:
And why was the German Road built by the captives?
My grandfather smiled:
Of course the Germans built it, but not the Germans.
The prisoners.
When they in their forty-first pearls in their tanks on Moscow, our woods and broken. formed a medium. No way, but still a road. We’re driving it so far. She saved us little boys, at forty-six, from starving death.
How I saved?
And here is so. There is one difficult place - a turn from the oak and immediately into the
The gorgeous. Bitter small, but steep and in front of it after turning not
You will disperse. Three trucks passed a day, maybe four.
But every second was stuck on that rise in liquid dirt. The driver back.
Go ahead, nothing so much. So it wraps, looks around, torments with
Half an hour later, our band came in. Puppy - Years
Six by seven. All five people. We say, “Uncle, how do we get you out?
Do you drink dirt? »
If he was here for the first time, he laughed, not believing that we could help, but promised something, and what was not the first time, they immediately gave.
We clothed the whole crowd half Tuesday, crashed and so slowly on the very outskirts of it and pulled it out.
For the work they received: from whom an apple, from whom a cooked egg, from whom a papyrus. After that, the bulbs could be exchanged. Whatever they gave, honestly, they shared a little to the whole company. The hunger then was fierce, and we for the whole day, if anything on the German road to go, maybe even bring to my mom.
If the driver had nothing at all, he gave at least a picture with Marika.
Rick from the trophy magazine, we pulled him out anyway.
I remember coming home, from feet to head in dirt, only the eyes shine.
The mom defended.
Oh, we were lucky fools that we did not get caught then and our mothers were not transplanted for ten years for sabotage against the national economy.
What is diversity, what is diversity? On the contrary, you helped.
Remove the car from the dirt. A piece of bread, but all.
No matter. What is bad?
At this time, a woman with a wheelchair entered the entrance, the grandfather on a half-word instantly cut off, depicted a poster - "Don't talk - the enemy is listening" and began to wait while the mommy is digging in his mailbox.
Finally, the elevator silenced an unwanted witness, who could
"to knock" on the concierge in the NKVD and the grandfather continued, but was much quieter:
What to plant for? You are as naive as the drivers.
I was the oldest in the company, I was already ten.
Over the road hanged a thick branch, underneath it only a half-tork was placed. And on that branch I was lying and clinging to the truck body of the passing truck. The coaster was tied to the branch with a thick rope.
The tree wandered, dragged, I almost flew from it, but the car always boxed properly, and how much does it need? She barely slipped into the dirt. When the driver went out to see what was going on, I picked up the rope back, he in the cabin – I clinged again.
We were lucky that one day a truck broke the rope and took our feeder forever. Sooner or later, we would...

P.S

Rejoice my competitors and jealousy, and do not cry for me lovers of my stories, but this is my extreme story on this site.
I did everything I wanted here (in the sense of creativity and in the sense of first place in the ranking) Now your turn, thank you all and stay happy.

A special thanks to Karabas Barabas - Dmitry Werner.
Whoever misses my stories, I ask for mercy to me.

With respect Grubas

The latest American fighter of the fifth generation, created by the Stells technology and under the curtains of the electronics, is worth unbelievable money... Almost like laying a kilometer of asphalt in Moscow.