I love my country. Our people are the most kind and responsive.
I went to the hospital to give my father the medicine. Unacceptable clock
A guard is sitting. I say, say, so and so, urgently need, the evening can’t wait.
What about chocolate?
Dick, if it were sold here, I would buy it to you!
We will buy ourselves...
I put it in my wallet – there is only 500 r.
Why do you give so much?
No less though.
She took 500 r.. and gave me 400.

Discussion at the "Cinema" news about the new Ninja Turtles film". It is controversial which director would have taken over this project.
The box:
In Nolan's Ninja Turtles, turtles would suffer from severe psychological trauma from their deep youth, and the main villain would be Donatello.
In Burton’s Ninja Turtles, Depp would have played a Splinter rat, Helena Bonham would have played April, and the turtles themselves would have been a delightful zombie.
In the Ninja Turtles of Salman King (if he lived), April would have slept with all the turtles, while secretly wishing for Splinter.
In the Ninja Turtles, Mikhalkov – Mikhalkov would play Tsar.

Interview with employees of one company:
I told you that I needed a psychiatrist.
Do not deceive yourself. We need a psychiatrist.

This story happened a few days ago.

A friend went to the toilet. And it comes from him SMS: "5 minutes - flight is normal".
I answered "What is it? Is the second stage separated?"
In response: "I’m experiencing huge overloads here, and it’s not ridiculous"

I have been hysterical for a long time.

by Lepra

German teenagers came to us in 1992. We thought for a long time, then decided to take them to the Museum of the Air Force. For a long time they stood at the window, on a belt full of so-called. "The Iron Cross" Then someone gave out, “You put our Nihua".

My cat is too shy! If he goes to the toilet, then buried until they are removed or until the shoe flies into it. In the middle of the night, his tight scratches with his nails on the floor generally bring everyone in the house.
The night. Everyone is sleeping. Here, in the corridor, the cat begins to bury a bowl, hoping, apparently, that he will still succeed sooner or later. I am lazy to get up and I scream to my daughter:
Look what the cat is digging!
In response an angry voice:
He is digging his own grave!

Blah, better tell me something good that will please me in some way.
I have loved you for a long time. From 5th grade until now.
What a shit (

The feeling that Papa Carlo lives on top: long drilled, now the child runs!

from one closed blog of friends, a post about misleading packaging:

One day, my grandmother dropped glue in her nose for plastic windows.
2: Does it not blow now?

I didn’t want to go to the club, they said, sports shoes. But I persuaded them that they were fucking and that the fucking shoes were universal and I was let go... I wanted to say to them, ‘Fuck the valer, we passed’ but I decided that the nuevonahui

My ingenious friend Vasya regularly visited a neighboring supermarket to buy a bottle of beer and a pack of cigarettes. At the same time, he grabbed a bottle of Martini, chocolate, chewing gum, condoms to a bunch. Of course for free. He did such things regularly, but one day he was caught, the amount was just beyond the administration, the criminal schedule was shorter. Vasya tearfully asked not to call the police, he said he would leave a security passport, go home, bring money and buy everything he struck. The guard agreed. Vasya left his passport and went straight to the police station. Where he wrote a statement that the security of such a supermarket is extortioning money from him for his passport. Having already arrived in the store, after brief negotiations (there they have my passport, in the box, out there), Vasya got his passport back, withdrew the application and left. He did not survive the theft, but he escaped criminal responsibility.
YYY: This Vase of good education would be a man who would come out: he is not afraid of anything, he has no conscience. At least the mayor of the city, and maybe even higher.

......
Don’t pay attention to it, it’s a troll!
Wow, this is what the person in the profile says to me.
Type of activity: Master of Multiple Universes
Hobby: I Write a Book "How to Rule the World Unnoticed for Sanitarians"
Oh yeah...

I have a computer girl!!! to
What gender is your computer?
1) Open the notebook
2) Write yourself or copy:
CreateObject("SAPI.SpVoice").Speak"I love you"
Save as xyz.vbs
4) Start - the male voice you have a boy, if the female is a girl.

Yyy: I also have a girl, although I always thought she was a boy.

I have a boy ?

Kkk: I have a transvestite.

WWW: I don’t have a VBS core

If you like it, like it.
XXX is Gave!

Two years ago, I accidentally struck a girl in the subway. She said to me "Look where you are, hideo!!", I replied to her "I went to the fox, the sheep is dumb!". We have a wedding this summer.

My wife took the eggs.
Those who talked!

About theft in supermarkets:

"When I lived in the shelter, my friend carried pork sausages in a cap.
Was she aware of it at all?

I read something on the net.In the room sits a mommy, looks at a telecome.On a telecome advertisement - children made from the oranges of my mom's orange tree juice,and gave her.Mom in the advertisement:
Next time we will plant a cactus.
My mother is in shock:
Will they make tequila?! to

Bagyr: It turns out that if you type a tilt in Google, it turns.
Mrrl: The whole or only the main office?

The real case:
In the city of Yekaterinburg lives a funny uncle Igor.
One night, a funny story happened to him. Well taken on the chest of fire water, he moved home. Suddenly he is shot down by a car, and, in order to hide the traces of crime, he decided to a mounting. At the last blow, the montage stuck in the head of Uncle Igor. The criminals fled.
Uncle Igor, without removing the assembly from his head, to see that the hole did not blow, still got home. He slept like this for five days. Five days later, the neighbor smelled blood and called an ambulance. Our brave medicine, not understanding, decided to identify the sleeping (living) uncle Igor in the morge.
After sleeping well, Uncle Igor felt the cold and the irresistible desire to smoke. He pulled off a man lying next to him. It was necessary to see the eyes of the staff of the morgo when the body in a bowl approached them and asked to smoke.
P.S He now works as a security guard. The hole in the head is periodically disinfected with the same fiery water.