bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №149386
 27.02.2018
A fucking bunch of people claim that the strongest motivation is in the person who wants to go to the toilet. I do not argue. Only here produces a person with such motivation is basically shit, sorry.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №149385
 27.02.2018
xxx: Remote administration via satellite
XXX: Pain and Suffering
XXX: Pings per second
YYY: Remote administration by phone is even better.
Yyy: Penguins Going for Lunch

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №149384
 27.02.2018
xxx: Oh God, now even the staff department is stunned by the horoscopes. There will come a cool special, non-conflict, not an alchemy, and to him HR says: "That's how you are a great specialist, but your Taro natal map does not fall into the coordinate of the energies of Uranus under Capricorn. We will call you back."

[ + 28 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №149383
 27.02.2018
No, what a charm. The height is 2 m 1 cm, weighs 110 kg, and this rumble with a shy smile is called Vasya Koshchkin. He is just like a child cartoon hero, if he did not exist, he would have to be invented.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №149382
 27.02.2018
"And a smile, without a doubt..."

Everything is fine here, and spelling, and puncture, and dish!

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №149381
 27.02.2018
I move to another department, on the same floor, in another office. Farewell to the girls. Tears, cries, hugs, cries: “Who are you for who you have left us, how are we without you?” In the same spirit. I wrapped up, went out, came to the new office, remembered that there is no place to hang clothes, I return.
Can I hang your clothes in your closet?
No, she died so dead.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №149380
 27.02.2018
>>> Why can’t you wear shorts in summer? The people of the south do not understand, explain.

Don’t try to understand the logic of a man who always walks in clothes with the same set of pockets and thinks everyone should do so.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №149379
 27.02.2018
I regularly read the local news site with users’ comments. Of course, sometimes I also comment on the news. I had to receive responsive comments such as "you are terrible", "you don’t have a man","go to the kitchen" and other humility of nearby comrades trying to devalue someone else’s opinion. I started writing under a male nick. I write the same thing on the same topics. Where are the answers like "you are poor", "you have no sex", "go to make money"? And not them! This is the first time that they were named "the sub-bullist," when she punished a man for a shame against the unknown heroine of the post. So what? Who said there that "in Russia equality, what else do you need"? Just try subscribing to forums not "Sasha", but "Masha", and enjoy the tons of shit that devalues you.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №149378
 27.02.2018
The 85-year-old grandfather does not buy LED bulbs: they serve for ten years. I will not live so long.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №149377
 27.02.2018
In Europe, the most frightening picture for a pack of cigarettes has long been found.
Which one?
– €10

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №149376
 27.02.2018
At work, firefighters flooded us with hot water. Now everywhere smells of moisture, old tree and boiled onions
Like my grandmother in the village
Q: Did you have a fire? O_O
xxx: No, the firefighters were just in one building, on the side of us, and the pipe was broken. As a result, we flooded a basement with equipment and goods. From the equipment were only broken comps, but from the goods - seedlings of onion X)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №149375
 27.02.2018
If you smelled like Papa Carlo for the last 3 months, without seeing the light of white, grabbed and reworked the tueva bad stuff for yourself and for that guy, in a burning cottage, a horse racing, stood to death, won gold medals for yourself, the family and the whole great country, and decided, finally, to rest on the weekend... Well, how to rest? So, simply, and quietly: stumble with an interesting book, watch a long-downloaded masterpiece film, drink a bottle of cooked excellent wine - for the sake of all the holy! Do not tempt! Because necessarily at the most inappropriate time will be a alarming phone call, long-forgotten distant relatives will fall on their heads, aliens will arrive, enemies will attack - whatever it takes. Do not believe? And you read that interesting book, and look at the long-downloaded masterpiece film. This plot is not new and is probably there for spending.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №149374
 27.02.2018
Elves just fall in love with a dog. You live like this, you think of looking after a rottweiler or a mastiff there, you monitor breeders with serious puppies on the desired characteristics, somehow everything is not that... and then in the store you accidentally meet the eyes of a pup with a puppy of spitz and it is your dog.

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №149373
 27.02.2018
Always keep yourself in shape is not difficult, you just need to periodically order the shape for a larger size.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №149372
 27.02.2018
XXX: Does the site Rostelecom stop everyone?
YYY: Well for me, the client of Rostelecom, the site every time exhibits a random city of the area and asks and you are exactly crazy in Uryupinsk?? to
YYY: So you can expect anything from them.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №149371
 27.02.2018
...like corn from a bench...typical smell of acetone...
You don’t buy more corn in that barrel for the chance.

[ + 23 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №149370
 27.02.2018
It is bad when not women, but men are filled with this. Throw a girl "not ready for a serious relationship", she cried, went to look for one who was ready, found, lives happily in his Kukuevo with the body of his husband on the couch - and suddenly from the ashes rises the throwing, he was under "not ready" meant "not earned on the iPhone, Paris and the shirt" and all these years earned, now mature and now meets in rage that the lady of the heart for a long time everything is well and not with him, because she was a man nearby needed, and iPhones and shoes only in the ass to push these "accessors".

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №149369
 27.02.2018
Trazi
It’s very inspiring, I need to do the alpinism this summer too, but it’s easier of course.

by Den13
Weigh the keys from the apartment from a regular ring on a carabin

[ + 47 - ] Comment quote №149368
 27.02.2018
Hello to you. I called you a week ago to tell you that your warranty manager has been coming to me for 11 months. So, I have an amazing news for you. The teacher has been here for 11 months and 1 week. He seems to have a dead cat, please check, I’m already worried about a man.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №149367
 27.02.2018
The main reasons are two: pigs are difficult to feed, and pork milk, as some people say, smells rather unpleasant.

In principle, this product is very nutritious (in it, for example, about 8.5% fat), and one pig a day can produce about 5 liters of milk (cows, however, can 30 liters). Nevertheless, they say that the pig breast is a real puzzle. During lactation, pigs are aggressive and suspicious. In addition, they have many small nipples (12-14 pieces), producing a little milk over a short period of time. Under such anatomy and physiology, good automated devices pumping milk have not yet been invented. In addition, a feeding pig can usually not get pregnant, so it is not beneficial to keep pigs in a state of lactation with hormones, because then they will not be able to produce pigs. Finally, pigs are somewhat harder to keep clean than cows, so the risk of getting milk contaminated with something is higher in their case.

However, there are enthusiasts who have even tried cooking dairy products from pork milk. For example, American chef Edward Lee once made a ricotta from pork milk and claims it was delicious.

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