bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №141002
 03.05.2017
XXX: The signs affect the fate.
The X-Men believe that.

[ + 31 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №141001
 03.05.2017
Do we not hold on the heels? We wear comfortable stable shoes in the subway, and we put our heels off in case we go in the limousine. I still understand the old ladies, they can be physically ill, only because of the likelihood of the old people or pulling something very large I still look around for the case (although no grandmother in my memory forgot that there are no eyes on the back of the head in front of the walking), but the Unces-on-Bobes have finally opened up. The door is held for a couple of seconds in the expectation that it will be intercepted by the next passing, and if you stupidly imagined that your personal Swissman was in the subway, then the door was deserved. I would rather be a feminist to hold the door to a man who is dragging a big, uncomfortable box. Or a fat aunt who wears five bags and three children, so her hands are not free at all. And the Prunces may either take their knights with them, or leave the Pruncesity at home.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №141000
 03.05.2017
xxx: In the ninth grade she passed physics, the day of the exam - Friday 13, in the lists was thirteenth, got a ticket under number 13. And by a lucky coincidence, it was this ticket that I knew by the mouth - in the method, he was on the turn of the scraps!

Yyy: I also always get the 13 numbers: starting with tickets and ending with the room from where I am currently writing.

zzz: and my husband will have 13 centimeters, you will get 13 thousand)

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №140999
 03.05.2017
XXX: We have a tractor in the smoking machine. It points straight
XHH: Stop me and run away from here.
The tractor? In the smoke?! to
This is Russia, baby. We are a respected IT company.

[ + 30 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140998
 03.05.2017
I recently put my wife’s phone for sale.

A simple Chinese, the price maker put the average.

The first week was silent. Then a couple of calls and also by.

Here is he. The call. Not a local number.



The man quickly asked what and how with the phone, I in turn, remembering that I could not find his native headphones and charging, told this to a potential buyer.

To what I got the answer, he said a poof. I have exactly the same phone and wild I like it, I can't directly. But he broke down and didn’t want to change it for anything. I want to buy yours.



Strange, the phone is like that. Analogue of sea. He doesn’t even think about trading.

So, he says, I live in Moscow and need to send the phone by mail.

I know 100% where it is going :)

But because I’m interested in this kind of fraudulent schemes (just curiosity), I didn’t hang the telephone, but continued the conversation, agreeing to send the phone, after a 100% prepayment on the card.

- Of course, I'll send you now (here I'm ready), give us the card number.

Just a number?

Yes of course.

I send the card number. I look forward to the start of the "Bank refused to transfer" "Send a confirmation code" and bla bla bla.

Not just the card number.



The money comes in two days. I sit in the car, go to the post office and send a phone to someone.

[ + 45 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140997
 03.05.2017
How proud were our friends when they brought Newfoundland! Growing up huge, frightening sizes of dogs. We went to the field, worked with him, all the teams knew the dogs. Once, while the owners were at work, the apartment was besieged. Wash everything, even your shoes. With such a guard. By miracle, the police found the thieves. For the sake of interest, they asked, why did the tattoos curl the masters? The thieves said, “He got it with his clothes, he wears it in his teeth, he ticks his nose until he was dressed, he is not behind.” As I dressed, I went to sleep right away.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №140996
 03.05.2017
Who inspired you that $2,000 for a thing per season is a lot?

the salary. The average salary, the fucking, inspired the country.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №140995
 03.05.2017
The shoes are divided into those who wear and those who walk.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №140994
 03.05.2017
When it’s not a teenage hormonal uprising, and the crumbs have actually grown up, then they’re needed by their old parents. Debts must be paid.

It was already agreed, and again at the end of something that fucking about debt. What kind of child should he raise? Born - educate, even our unfortunate constitution tells you. Remember, lovers claim debts: only love and sincere gratitude work here, and it is not so difficult to earn them from your child, yet parents we have loved since childhood.

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №140993
 03.05.2017
When I was a child, my dad once joked to me that astronauts only eat chocolate and honey so that there is no waste. Before I had the internet.

YYY: Eat a jelly marmelade and on day three you can forget about a white friend. Comrade of the SPN GRU told

zzz: This is how the secret development of the Russian military leaks into the network :)

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №140992
 03.05.2017
Do you have cookies here?
and AGA.
Can I take one?
and UGU.
You are just feeding me.
“But then I’ll listen to how you don’t get in your swimsuit and rub.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №140991
 03.05.2017
>>> What are you talking about? More than half of the population does not know Russian.

And of course, you think that all Englishmen and Americans in everyday speech build sentences in English exactly in accordance with textbooks, ah. Especially with Russian English textbooks.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №140990
 03.05.2017
XXX: We have some shit at work. Hell and treasure.
Yyy: And the four horsemen of the apocalypse: Lenny, Procrastination, Incompetence and Phuism.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №140989
 03.05.2017
The Atlanta pharmacist John Pemberton, the inventor of Coca-Cola, named it in honor of the coca plant. Pemberton himself was addicted to cocaine. With his help, he got rid of morphine addiction. I’m even afraid to guess what he got rid of with morphine.

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №140988
 03.05.2017
I could not remember my phone number for almost two years until I realized that there was an Euler number in the middle. I immediately remembered my number.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №140987
 03.05.2017
Q: Have you heard the note?
Burn it already.
If you attach an empty wallet to your ear, you can hear the government whisper in it.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №140986
 03.05.2017
here here :

I went to the theatre with a friend.
So tell me, please, why does none of the builders-designers (and all the other involved) theaters, cinemas come to the mind to put the seats not dumb one after the other, when people all the session / spectacle glimps in the back of the head in front of the sitting, and shift the rows in half-seats to the side in relation to each other? Like bricks in a brick, each layer of bricks is moved by half the brick. Then the scene will be remarkably visible from anywhere, the back of the head sitting across a row from you - it doesn't bother, you won't have to slide around the place, bending to the sides, looking like what's happening there on the stage. It will be comfortable!

Why no one? There are such theatres. But the width of the passages in the hall according to the requirements of fire safety may not be less than the minimum allowed. For example, in a small hall with three passes towards the stage, the number of seats is reduced by 2 in each second row. Not every theater can afford such a luxury.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №140985
 03.05.2017
I moved to Cyprus 10 years ago. None of the locals lost their happiness, but also did not encounter hostility in their address. On the other day, families with colleagues went for a picnic (equipped platform: tables, barracks, urns). One Bulgarian woman complained that she was tired of racism, that she was being humiliated at every step and "must be cast into civilized Scotland." I picked up the bag that she threw out of the car, picked up the bowl of coke that her son threw, and gathered a pack of garbage at the end of the picnic. Scotland hold on!

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №140984
 03.05.2017
In the smoking room, the phone of a respected lady from the accounting office ringed. On the screen appeared a picture of a guy in a carpet, looking out of a lookout. After the conversation, it was clear that my husband was calling. She said, “Nothing can be done without me. I asked, did he not serve in the Northern Fleet? And the submarine, too. No, I once wanted, but I didn’t get. Of course, I did not say that this luck and this perspective I have known for many years. My older brother served in the fleet building, and the whole part was photographed in a carpenter, sitting in the cooking boiler of the dining room, and sending photos to the girls.



PS Father told that they in the c/h 49392 in P-Kamchatsky such fishing was done all AHCH

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №140983
 03.05.2017
When the government cannot raise pensions, it raises the retirement age.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna