bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №58666
 15.01.2012
When you work like a bee, life doesn’t seem like honey.

[ + 60 - ] Comment quote №58665
 15.01.2012
I work in a car service. A girl comes. He says, “I need to change candles and oil in the machine. It is urgently needed.” Running
by 32000. Candles were changed 2 thousand years ago, oil needed only 90 thousand. The candles are perfect. Oil in the machine too. Ask her a logical question:

Who told you to change that?
and husband. I said urgently.

We are confused. In a joke we say:

Maybe he just had to drive you out of the house?

She gets huge round eyes and she’s looking at the whole service:

Get out of it, I’ve flown!!! to

Chat straight even uncomfortable, suddenly the truth little burned))))

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №58664
 15.01.2012
Dear Father Christmas! Give me a gift for the New Year.
President, and take these two with you in the deer!

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №58663
 15.01.2012
And Mishutka saw his empty cup and said with a gentle voice:
Who has eaten out of my cup and eaten it all out?
And who did not apologize to me two weeks ago? Now I eat for two.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №58662
 15.01.2012
My cat eats cactus.

and licking the earth out of the pot

Is it time to feed him?

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №58661
 15.01.2012
1 hour after sex:
It smells of sex and woman. and :)
Go and wash ;)

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №58660
 15.01.2012
Now I have seen a guy claiming the title of the most foolish and caring man. I went home from the stop, the sidewalk is so frozen, I go and slide myself. At 20 meters, the above-mentioned went, slipped, began to fall forward, set out his leg to keep balance, continued to fall, but already on the side, again somehow aligned by fast overtaking his legs, now he was already flying straight into the road sign, and (!) He turned away. At the end of this dance, he once again slipped and, having made a pyrue, tastingly fell into the swarm, specially made by careful courtiers (as they knew), with the back back. As it turned out, all this time, he tried not to let the little dog fall out of his hands or be crushed by his body. When he approached to help, the victim was sitting in the grove and, turning to the dog on his stomach, said: "It's all right. The horrors are over. Thank you for not going out with Vika. She would be on her heels!" :D

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №58659
 15.01.2012
And I was there, wi-fi caught. The network found, but did not give access.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №58658
 15.01.2012

I’ve never seen so many people celebrate Friday the 13th.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №58657
 15.01.2012
Delf: You know, I suffered a year without a girlfriend, do you know how I got? Do not know? But here I will tell you, Blin, I tried to talk to somebody, meet. But as a result, nine (nine) girls were turned from the door. Even my closest friends stopped communicating with me. And how? For a guy twenty-five years to lose everything and everyone. I thought I had gathered myself. No, I just got puzzled. Yes, this car, this work, this Moscow fucking, and just life has been strained!!! This is what it really means to be forever alone. And you are talking...
Do you have a key to 22?
Dutch : No. With 15 fingers.
Delf is trouble.
The girl is harder.
Delf: Well I don't know, the clock at 22 and the guy that without the key won't turn.

[ + 50 - ] Comment quote №58656
 15.01.2012
Comment on the video about a Japanese talented homeless singer:
"if it was in Russia then the video would be called THE GEST BOMB IN A MINUTE OF FAME!and "

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №58655
 15.01.2012
The night. I sleep. Through my dream, I hear the wild cries of my cat. I get up with my eyes closed. I usually bite the mouth. I lie down with a clear conscience...And then I realize that it’s a cat’s whistle in the basement under the window. I start roasting wildly because I imagine myself in the place of a cat:
“I lie down, I sleep. I don’t touch anyone... The master stands up, beats the rod. Is it easier for you? Night is already. Go fuck, go to sleep.”

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №58654
 15.01.2012
Have you invited the girl to visit? Do not forget to clear the history in the browser!

[ + 13 - ] Comment quote №58653
 15.01.2012
Sanook: Shit, she sent me printed photos, where we are together ^^

Chicken: How cute

Ahaahahahahahahahahahahah

Sanook:...

Fuck, it would be better if she finally gave me it :(

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №58652
 15.01.2012
Do you say you don’t believe in signs? Have you tried to file documents for an apartment on the 13th floor on Friday the 13th with a consultant named Lilith?

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №58651
 15.01.2012
I sat in the park on the bench, waiting for a friend. On the next bench, a young mother and her 5-6 year old son feed the pigeons. There is a small pond in front of us. The dialogue between mother and son.
Mother, give me bread, and I will feed the pigeons by the water.
Why feed them there?
I will throw bread into the water, and they will dive and drown after it.
Good kids are growing up.)

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №58650
 15.01.2012
xxx: after watching 7 seasons of supernaturals in a row, when the word winchester is remembered, it is not a hard disk.

[ + 59 - ] Comment quote №58649
 15.01.2012
<Celebrity> Go to Heroes
<Grey> I have things to do (
<Celebrity> Run, go to the heroes
<Grey> I need to finish the project
<Full> then you finish, shake in heroes
<Grey> and the book on the net
<Overall> why are you all stressed? Go all naked.
<Total> learn to send people)
<Grey> Okay, go naked with your heroes!)

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №58648
 14.01.2012
Why does Oleg not answer my calls?? to
He: Man may not respond for a variety of reasons, ranging from the banally crazy - abducted by aliens; and the original crazy - as a result of a chemical effect, a genetically muted rat, trying to make a toast, accidentally grabbed a bottle of alcohol, trying to catch which, shattered and, as a result, broke the cable, which hardened. Oleg came home at this moment, the rat from fear fell on his arms. Oleg did not expect to see a genetically muted rat with toasts, spilled alcohol and a sparkling cable, resulting in shock and hospital.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №58647
 14.01.2012
"Google told developers how to decorate Android apps"

I couldn’t read it right from the first time.

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