I was a spider.
xxx: In school, I remember, I wrote a play in poems, about how we would behave on the change, if we studied together with Pushkin)))) there everyone talked about the poem so loudly))))))
xxx: but it was before I found the early poems of Alexander Sergeevich;)

From the lives of these little ones

The vacuum cleaner, suddenly appearing behind the cabinets, launches its long hose into the nearest hole in the human body, reaches the brain and sucks it out. Eggs are laid in the hole released, and after a while salespeople of a well-known brand of vacuum cleaners appear and begin to walk around the apartments, offering the goods.
In any case, do not open the door to them - the risk of catching the parasite is very high.

Dialogue in chat support

xxx: Help me to match these two sentences in the description of the application: "Plastic payment terminal does not work, requires summing up, I can't break the product. Two good guys came, washed their hands and the towel was dirty. Shame to horror. Could you give us a powder to wash our towels"
YYY: It looks like the powder they found.

Why don’t teachers and teachers give gifts to mothers on Mother’s Day? Why did they get their work and salary?

One English preacher, in the twelfth, apparently century, explained to the parishioners that the Lord, being not only wise but also loving, commanded the rivers to flow through the great cities so that people could bring goods to the markets by boats.

It seems to me that, although the preacher has died, his conception of causal relations is still alive.

Recently, two weeks ago, a not the most pleasant story happened to my girlfriend.

She married a year ago. With eyes opened by happiness. Then she lived with her, not suffering from home. She studied at the university (we were group members), he worked not know who, but they had enough. Such a pleasant, calm life. I don’t even remember they were fighting.

The words of a friend.

The action takes place two weeks ago.

Senya, a colleague, told me yesterday that I was no longer the one I was before. That family life ruins my beautiful young body and I am a baby. I didn't even take into account at first, he loves the ugliness just to say so, and then thought. The truth is, the dance has gone, the load is little, you have to take care of yourself. I found a complex of a-la slimness on the Internet for 5 minutes a day and started. There you need to do the plank several times, from which I have because of the carpet (which, by the way, my husband's aunt gave to the wedding) on the elbows of the rombi are printed. Then I go to work in a shirt. is ugly. Who knew I would be able to do such a service?

I did it a little and forgot about it.

After a while, I get up at home, and a neighbor comes down to meet me. I tell her, say, when you get the money back (I borrowed 500 rubles for two days, and more than a month has passed).

She stood up, but I insisted, and we went home to her. When she took off her jacket, I almost stumbled. Fucks on the rubies. Fucking rubies from our blanket.

What fucking thing did she go down to her floor? I could hardly wait until she gave the money, the bullet escaped. I get up, and there is a man in one of the cowards, he said, shake up, sweet.

I passed, split, I say, go and shake the carpet, or dust. He complained, but he went. As I walked, I picked up the pieces and put them in the entrance. At the top of the note, who was fucking on this carpet, let it fall. He did not even argue. I filed for divorce.

by PS. And for those 500 rubles I bought a beer to Sen, a colleague. Without him, I would have lived with a cowboy.

YuriV: Give me a point of support and I will sleep standing

>>> About Me- 190 cm 85kg 40l

The volume of the bag indicated, and the run was diminished. Here and find out whether it is a garage or dead on the road. Again, if the owner alone is nothing, what if a dozen already?

Announced by:
A decent family of two people will remove a decent family of two people to arrange a messy sexual life.

Yesterday at work. In the morning there is a sad voice, not yet trembling, asking for a car. I see that I was in a club from Friday to Saturday. In the column "client" is written "Batman", Well, please do, I clarify:

The name of Batman?

The man is very embarrassed:

No to Yuri.

and mechanically:

Oh I understand. You are Yuri.

“Batman” corrected on “Yuri Wayne”

When I was 5 or 6 years old, my mother was very ill. And she decided that she wasn’t long left. He says to me with a sad voice:

How will you be without me?

It meant us - her three children and her father respectively. I decided to encourage her and say:

Don’t worry, we’ll find a new mom.

Such "hot" support gave the mother additional strength to fight the disease. She changed her mind and soon recovered.

Sometimes I work in a taxi. I have a basic job, but in addition to it, I sometimes go to bomb in the evenings, especially on weekends. This story happened to me two years ago:

Friday and night. A great time, people go to clubs and from them, who vote a lot, it is not easy to earn so. At manon, I pick up a couple of voters - a young man supports a girl who has clearly overtaken. I’m going to hell, a thousand, I’m very happy. The girl sits back and unnoticed for me moves over the driver’s seat. The man sits in front of her, holding her bag in his hands, falls asleep.

In 25 minutes we arrive, the man counts with me, leaves. I go away. There are a few voters on the way (truly the best night in my history). Another three hours drive alone around the city, we have a fun conversation, short, the night went well.

I come home, start to inspect the car for forgotten things / garbage and suddenly find a girl. 0 0 0

She sits bending between her legs, in a toned car at night to notice her was simply impossible.

In short, I took it very seriously.I was rejected by trying to wake her up. The body refuses to think about anything. Neither me nor my name.

Let me call her husband and tell him he forgot his bed. That’s not the problem, this man took her bag when he went out.

Okay, I remember the address, I go out. At 5 a.m. on Saturday. We arrive at the address and...

What would you do?

I didn’t come up with anything better than to start signaling (dear witnesses of that shit, forgive me, I just didn’t know what to do). From some balcony comes a very evil uncle who promises to curl my neck (I understand him, I believe him), if the cause is not too serious. Through the matyugs I get a body, I demonstrate, I say that I have forgotten here in my car a lady, tell me whose?

The man laughs, he doesn’t know.

Cheesecake in general.

The girl doesn’t shrink at all. This was the first time I deliberately and deliberately struck a woman’s bark, very strong (by the way, funny). He swallowed the water and spoke to her, “You can just wave your finger where your house is in your mouth, animal.”

There is no answer. There is no silence, just silence.

What would you do 2?

Virgo is good from the word "very" - a short sweater, the figure is just a fairy tale. Leave her on the bench - they will be raped, laughed, put on the net. Not manly (aga, but to hit a girl manly, agree). In short, having provoked the anger of a few other neighbors, who also did not know the apartment belongings of this prince, I was forced to acknowledge the fiasco of this idea, and go on my own.



My wife was just in the seventh sky of luck to have such a caring husband.

My wife started shouting me when she saw me with my body on my shoulder. I asked her to get into the situation, but she was just moaning. The oval so that the battery began to knock. Could this have awakened my husband?

No is.

It only stunned my wife, and I was ready for the second time in the evening to apply a physical rape on a woman, but my princess began to bluff.

God, what a delight.

I was so glad that my wife’s smile began to shake my eyes. It’s going to come back soon, naively I thought.

No is. She just swallowed, I stopped holding her, and she turned straight into a pale face.

Here happened what I could not expect – my wife went for a cloth, wiped out the whole alcoholic party on the floor, and asked me how it happened. I explained. She laughed.

I was nervous, but I laughed. Remember the joke - Do you know that laughter is the best way to pull a girl into bed? What is the first? - A huge knife - haahah, you are funny) - A reasonable choice) A good joke.

In short, my wife decided that it was better to let this body sleep. But the prince dirty his face and hair, before placing had to wash it. How to wash. My wife watched every millimetre of movement of my hands as I held my companion’s head over the bathroom.



Not long to read, did you get so upset?



This story ended very funny. The next day our puppy dried up, dried out a couple and a half cups of water in a few minutes and, seeing me and my wife, asked if we did not dried up. Here we wandered.

She did not behave very well, to be honest. We’ve experienced so much, and she’ll let me say – why these handcuffs, why I’m in the shirt, where I am.



I told you, I found out. She apologized, asked for the phone, called, asked to bring.

There is no problem.



We come, and there...

Her mother and her husband. The man in both eyes has such lights that I get worse. Mother of the cats leads him to the car clearly satisfied with the result. I go out to say hello and give me a envelope. It contains 10,000 rubles. Very pleasant, very pleasant. My wife and I say goodbye to the screams of our daughter on the man - yes, you just eaten and the beginning of his beating her beautiful fragile pen.



The result was that my wife and I just spent the weekend offgenically, laughed over this story for a long time, and I became ten times more attentive when I drive people.



P.S. I have a few more wonderful taxi stories that I will be happy to share.

I am always for silence. I am one of those people who think that breaking the silence in a public place is disgusting. I have always believed that in a public place (café, restaurant, train station or in a plane) you should behave in a way that does not cause inconvenience to people nearby. Unfortunately, not everyone shares my point of view.



I drive in an electric car (with seats), the whole car is sold, there are no free seats. A mother with a child appears. Child of 6 years.

Young man, you took our place.

No, this is my ticket.

There is a place at the window.

No, here is my place No. 21 on the scheme next to the window.

- I and the child, miss us to the window, he wants to look out the window.

I hate such situations because I know they will never give up if I ask. A couple of times my wife and I were asked to give us a seat next to people sitting alone, we never gave up. *** by



Okay, I give up my seat, I wait another 10 minutes until they disassemble things, while helping to put heavy things on the upper shelf. We are going. After 15 minutes.

Young man, please sit back, the window is blowing.

Sorry what? You chose the place yourself.

Do you know that a child can get rid of it?

Can I read the book calmly? You have moved me. If the child is suffocating, sit there.

Psihanul eventually moved. He got a shirt from above, placed them a piece of the window. My aunt has been considering the design for a long time, apparently she didn’t know how to do it.



The child had to have fun outside the window. My mother gave him a plan and it started. Children's cartoons about lucky, chunga-changa and so on. Without the headphones.



Do you give you headphones? (I offer my own)

No thanks, he is okay.

It disturbs the sound on the plan.

Well, what I will do is a child, what I can do.

- Give him expensive headphones in which he can watch cartoons at least all the way.

Here a song of fixics sang in the whole voice. I am psychic.



He got the tablet, opened the yandex and entered "PORNO". At the request appeared some awful Japanese cartoon, where in the orgy participated, two girls, a robot and a man in a clown mask.



The child was distracted, realizing that my story was more interesting.

Turn off now!

Why is?

You are not allowed to put porn on the train.

It’s not porn and I don’t even play music. Either you turn off the damn sound and I turn off the cartoon, or we keep watching mine.

Do you give me your headphones?

No is!



The rest of the road we walked in silence. And most importantly, I hate people who view politeness and education as weakness.

The off-season for traumatologists is when the motorcyclists have already finished and the snowboarders have not yet begun.

The hell of a punctual person is when you agree with a friend/girlfriend/dog to meet at 7 p.m. and you have almost arrived at the meeting place, at 18:50 p.m., and you are written, “Write how you go out” and you understand that this person has not even left.

Bpatella, hole to be small - to work from 7 years old, goats to pasture, in a hundred / on the car, to remind, "and then what is he doing for my spending?"

What year are you?
The sixth passed.

xxx: guests invited here, some did not know each other, and a couple was computer maniacs
xxx: Well, Romych with Lenka right at the corner, one for the stationary in one corner, choking with a note in the other, what to take from them, pulled his hand.
xxx: and the cat in the middle of the drinking was twisted in that room, suddenly this silence arises, approaches Romka, hugs him from above, gently so, then, without saying a word, leads him to the kitchen, puts a salad on him, sits in front of him and looks at him, swirling, turning around.
XXX: and all this without a single word, note :)
YYY: Well what?
xxx: that "no and", together went home :) did not even say goodbye

Are you so hungry that you burn a baton of bread and drink a bag of milk? I have a baton of bread lying in the refrigerator for two weeks (the right one needs to be taken), and milk stands for six months

Milk for 6 months. Do you drop it under your tongue before sleeping?

No, yet all washing machines delivered to Russia must have an “emergency shower” function. It’s like a menu russification. A purely software solution, voluntary and compulsory for the market. No, you can also sell with the English menu, if the sale is not unfortunate. Also here too.
Pressed a clever combination of buttons according to the inscription in the corner of the panel, it poured (strictly through the air conditioning cabin, it is cleaner), rinse the mechanisms with cold water, poured it again to the maximum (if there are several level sensors), heated to +38 and stand-alone.
The hose instead of the collector is plugged into the shower, the largest button of the available turns off the melting pump, the entire indicator is occupied by a large indicator of the remaining water level.
Lying, like the foot is itching. and the back :(

As for the little ones, that is all.

A brother said a year ago that he leaves his wife after 15 years of marriage, because she is uncomfortable, you will come home - to sit nowhere and at all, uncomfortable at home. We were a little surprised (this kind of mess they did not see, a normal housing mess), but he knew better, of course.

In general, exactly a week after the official divorce, the brother already rented an apartment with his new love. When trying to come to visit to get acquainted, it became clear that such a mess his former wife really did not have. Because people are all adults and understand everything, but the female cowards, whispering on the luster during a family tea drink, are still a bit overwhelming.

In general, the concept has changed over the year, a brother with a new wife almost already joyfully pigs for a couple and, if possible, plunges into the former - said, now he is a free man, and she arranged a breathing house: do not shake the ashes on the carpet, my dishes every evening...