bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №16563
 17.05.2009
There was a strange incident in one of Moscow’s stallions. Just got the camera to take some rubble, as the guard appeared with a scream: shoot! cannot be filmed! I thought you came here to sweat, if you sweat, sweat! It cannot be filmed!)

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №16562
 17.05.2009
A letter from the Dean came "Please send your wishes for the next academic year for 1 semester"
He replied, “Let the students, when they come to the lectures, bow down at my feet and call me my master.”

[ + 50 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №16561
 17.05.2009
Working in Sapporo:
- we have an A4 sheet hanging on the wall, it is written with BIG LETTERS - "If you call from the number XX-XX - HISSE!"
And the pen is written the number of the contract and who how much with this subscriber has fought.

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №16560
 17.05.2009
From the horror commentary on the tracker:
xxx: "In my childhood I thought it was a comedy"
You have a terrible childhood to see"

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №16559
 17.05.2009
Chinese student survived fall from 17th floor
There are so many that some laws of physics are not enough.

[ + 44 - ] Comment quote №16558
 17.05.2009
A company advertises cruises off the coast of Somalia.

We guarantee at least two attempts of piracy. If they do not happen, we will refund half of the money, including the cost of renting weapons and unused ammunition.

[ + 49 - ] Comment quote №16557
 17.05.2009
I can give a girl an unforgettable pleasure.
Don’t come on a date? =) is

[ + 529 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №16556
 17.05.2009
Why should an old lady cry at the box office on May 8th when she lacks poor coins to pay for a little kefir? And the seller in the face to send her away? For the fact that she was struck in the mail without paying out her retirement even before the holidays? Because she hasn’t eaten for three days? For the fact that everyone cares about the lonely grandmother, who, in the war was a sanitary, saved your grandfather? I was not sorry to buy a man to eat. But the whole line stood, and no one rushed to help the old man, although there were both young people and those who should have known how to live in the post-war years. My wife got upset by looking at that grandmother. And even more - then, thinking about what kind of people are around.
So, behold, do not lie, lord, and pass by the veteran whose heart has grabbed. Beyond those who are pressed by the underdogs, by the guy who wants to break the urds in a fascist attribute that should not have been born, simply because he is with a Georgian tape.
Thank you to all: in the first place to those who lie in our land, in my land; thank you to those who are alive, who see the horror now, having experienced all the difficulties of the war then; thank you to those who do something, thank you very much; thank you who remember.
Victory is the only celebration that makes us one. The last. The same one that we are trying to take from inside and outside, let me not be from Russia.

[ + 7 - ] Comment quote №16555
 17.05.2009
You can imagine how many nonsense there is to be done.
Hands are down.
by Yuri Tatarkin

[ + 58 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №16554
 17.05.2009
For a long time I wanted to tell you, only yesterday I met this man,
I remembered.
And this man is our teacher by right. The Unicum that forced everyone
proud of a citizen. But in order. The L. at the time.
served in the KGB (unchecked data), and then in the prosecutor's office
(They are verified In the 1990s he left the institutions and began teaching with us.
Knowing his principledness, everyone went to him in a couple, even the most
and frozen. At the second class he announced, “Dear friends, someone from your
The first class was written on the party [Everything can be purchased]. So here,
Listen here, creature – try to buy me.” Then took the second and
The last call in the semester - he remembered all (50 people!!!)
At the end of the semester, L. issued: "I calculated who wrote this, it was you," - and
He pointed his finger to the local “major”. He must have guessed, because
It was written by a typical slogan. Then came the exam. Major in
He did not appear, but in the corridor in front of the office L., where we were all
In a row, a colonel of the militia appeared. All faces
Guess who he is and why he came.) He broke us, went in.
by L. It wasn’t there for about 20 seconds...he appeared all pointed and
I started to run in the corridor and guard the bulls!!! Then again
has entered. About 5 minutes we heard smooth, calm and confident.
The voice of L. Then the door opened, and from there, with a constructive step, pulling
Taking his socks and lifting his hands almost to the beard, the Colonel of the Police came out.
L. followed the marching regiment hiding behind.
Turn the corridor, and so calmly: “next.” Someone in the back.
He asked, “What did you say to him?” L. was surprised to say, “I am
I briefly explained what I told you all the whole semester – what to live.
You need to be able to calmly and confidently look in the eyes not only
To every man, but also to God with the devil.
The major learned everything in the end and gave up on his own. Great that they are
There are people on earth!!! to

[ + 65 - ] Comment quote №16553
 17.05.2009
Events: Today in Moscow when trying to prevent the conduct
Gay parade after the team from the crowd "Pidars moisture!" were killed
There are two DPS inspectors nearby.

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №16552
 17.05.2009
The Star, Johannesburg
“The situation is completely under control,” Swaziland’s Transport Minister Efraim Magagulla said at a parliamentary meeting in Mbaban, “Our country’s trade fleet is in full order and safe. We just don’t know where he is, that’s all". Responding to questions from members of parliament, Magagula acknowledged that a country without sea access had lost the traces of its only ship, Swazimar. "We are sure it is somewhere in the sea. We even sent an expedition somehow to search, but because of drunkenness problems, the ship was not found. So, strictly speaking, we really lost him a little. But I categorically reject all arguments about the incompetence of the government. Swazimar is a large ship, painted in beautiful bright colors, it can be seen even at night. Remember my words, it will be found."

[ + 110 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №16551
 17.05.2009
I sit behind the compound, not looking away from heracles work. The husband came home, something looked around the room and disappeared in the sorting.

Some time passes, a suffocating sweet smell begins to spread. Well, I think a toilet spray. It was like splashing to make me smell so through the corridor in the room. And the smell is so ugly, the essence smells straight.

I burn without looking, I begin to scream:
- Stop watering the sorting spray, I'm suffocating here!

The husband runs:
- Dear, wake up and take your eyes off the monitor: I brought you a bouquet of sirens!

The Holy Man. How he lives with me.

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №16550
 17.05.2009
I invite my friends to DR. I liked the dialogue:

What do you do on Saturday?
He: I go with you.
Okay, good luck, until we meet.
It is: for now


[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №16549
 17.05.2009
from the website waytorussia.net (there are features of the Russian language taught, idioms):

I have things above the roof - I'm so busy
I have no idea (Rude)
Being in an Extremely Bad Situation (Rude)
Feel Relief – Feel Relief
Probably no – no

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №16548
 17.05.2009
One man is enough for a woman. Two is too little.

[ + 70 - ] Comment quote №16547
 16.05.2009
Fuck... I think my cat fucked me... but, fuck, I don’t admit...

In short, I came home and cooked myself two sausages. I put it on the plate and ate it. This cattle is canyoning. Okay, he has a right. I leave the sauces, I go for food for him. I open the bag, I put it on... the stink smells, turns his ass and, fucking, buries! The fucking guy put him in the bag! I’m in Ahuya, I think you’re a fucking tail, so you don’t want to eat and I try his food. I think normal. Such a fun cake is no worse than sausages. In his opinion, it is shit. He sits, sickness nods, watching how I eat his food... the cattle is sorry, I throw him half a sausage. It burns off.
Yopt... so they ate it—it’s my sauces, I’m his food...it’s not that...

[ + 76 - ] [4 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №16546
 16.05.2009
She: I don’t like them either. Give me some wool socks ?
he: it's not romantic, better I'll learn to tie, and I'll tie them to you) - this is a real male act.
Yes, do a deed for me! ?
he: mda, I imagine a picture, a secret girl enters the server room, asks for a new pink mouse, smoothly swings her hips for persuasiveness, around stands with servetes, boxes of screws, boxes with old glands, and in the center of all this chaotic horror I sit and tie gray-rose socks... then I raise my red eyes on her and questioningly ask - No? Here’s where she’ll catch and catch...

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №16545
 16.05.2009
SUV2
The news. Homosexuals banned from serving in Peru police

You can think that Peruvian mints will cease to be called pidaras after that.

[ + 76 - ] Comment quote №16544
 16.05.2009
I sit in the morning with my sister (adieu to the kindergarten). We watched the entire dance program, here comes the leader and asks the children:
Do you like it in the garden?
And yes!! and chorus. It was planned).
And here she unexpectedly proposes:
So stay with us! Go back to the cage!
Five seconds of complete silence. Then single cries from different sides: "Yes!" and "No!"
Then one boy told me:
We have already taken our place!! Have a conscience!! to
The back rows with the parents and the operator who filmed it all just cried.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna