bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №138061
 21.01.2017
by Sliva_rzn
My husband and I sometimes play in the likeness of "Guess a Melody": I include an arbitrary rock composition or some retro, and he guesses. I play Elton John. He tries to guess in the spirit "mmm... well how his... well this... Well I understood, it’s that guy with the piano!". I: "Do not fuck with the piano, but SER fuck with the piano!"

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №138060
 21.01.2017
Topic on Lapshina

fasalt: Man turns the hooks on the car, I give him a cat - "sterilize quickly". I don’t expect him to hear “I’m a car trainer, not a veterinarian,” I tell him, “You have two hours to figure it out.”
CharlieK: As a result, a cat dies from an infection after being sterilized with squid, and I fired the employee. The Megamanagement!
oldschool93: and then I attract new investors, smile beautifully to them and hire a new employee for their job
TravMax: And the most aspiring thing is that such effective managers manage vital sectors (such as energy and medicine).

[ + 12 - ] Comment quote №138059
 21.01.2017
A good king does not steal his servants.

[ + 7 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138058
 21.01.2017
History of Baptism. Not politically correct, but it is true. Negroes, do not be offended!
My acquaintance Natasha, a third-generation English teacher, came to Saratov with her American husband Jim. week is

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №138057
 21.01.2017
It is time in our country, by analogy with the concepts of "mayonnaise product", "cheese product", to introduce the concept of "cinematic product". People should know in advance what they are paying for: a natural movie or its replacement.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №138056
 21.01.2017
The iPhone will first become entirely wireless - that is, a brick without connectors and buttons. will be charged only inductively and will be turned on by the
VIS> and then for the purposes of ergonomics, development and solidarity with LGBT it will be made in the form of an anal block
VIS> adepts will walk around and say that it is not pederasty, but technology and simplicity
VIS> look: I have my pockets free!

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138055
 21.01.2017
Let the shit continue.

this
>One excavation of no one’s need for a bed of what’s worth...

Yes, you have already hit with these beds... your parents also did not have your bicycles, endless Lego, dogs and other hoodies, but they were bought to you, because there and then you sincerely believed that you need to live without it. So get rid of your lazy fatty ass from the comp/bar stand/board sofa and go and dig over these dirty beds to your parents. Nothing will fall from you. You will also improve your health.
Because one day you will wake up and be ready to dig half the globe, only there will be no one. For never ask who the bell is ringing for, it is ringing for you.
This was the post that you poured your thistle on.
I am sorry, it is overwhelming.

Okay, I don’t argue, I bought it. But why, it is asked, should I bump on beds if I don’t like / heavy / don’t want to? Parents earned and bought bicycles, endless Lego, and so on. Why can’t I hire them people for a moment, with MY money earned, so that they can dig them all over? How did this concept get the “Russian soul” that everyone should suffer? Why not calmly drink tea, communicating with parents, while people who are ready to dig (for money) will do so. How did you get it, masochists!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №138054
 21.01.2017
The weather is sunny and not so cold :)
No clouds in the sky.
Something I want to do 😉 😉
Normal reaction to the sun.
A typical Peter's resident
I saw and stunned.
From happiness if he remembers what it is, or from fear if he does not remember what kind of shit it is in heaven.
And with the voices we will all die!!! under the bush
If you can do it 😉

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №138053
 21.01.2017
The urgent news:

00:45 In London found a bomb of World War II

12:46 In London found two World War II bombs

to affix. Give me two. A. Already...

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №138052
 21.01.2017
I go into the car in the morning, the inspector stops and begins to smell.
Are you okay, did you drink?
What is it about?
You have a strange smell in your car.
Oh, that’s what I wore. It was yesterday, I didn’t think you smelled.
He is hidden. The happy path.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №138051
 21.01.2017
Closed the skiing season with a complicated fragmented fracture of the leg with a shift, somewhere in late March - early April. A month spent in the hospital: extraction, then surgery, another month in the hospital, after almost six months in the shells. Now the picture: summer, the month of June, the heat, I meet my acquaintance on the coasts. The question is "what happened"? Without thinking, I answer: “I ran on skies, broke my leg.” Dooooolgaja pause, then a very cautious (seemingly not to upset a mentally ill) question - so summer? had to explain.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №138050
 21.01.2017
The age marking x+ does not mean a legislative ban on a person under the age of x to attend an event or read, listen, watch marking products. The marking is intended to inform parents about the approximate aggressiveness of the content, and the decision remains for them. If someone thinks that their 11-year-old should visit a 12+ art exhibition, there is no legitimate reason to prevent them.

[ + 32 - ] Comment quote №138049
 21.01.2017
The Parenthood

I have a mother of those relatively adequate personalities, with whom we together in the 80s and 90s got a powerful vaccine from growing anything on the beds. Now in the country a few fruit trees, up to three beds under the cucumbers-tomates-clumber, and a few pebbles, to which the mother does not allow anyone to a gunshot. People like to grow flowers. At the same time, I dig these unfortunate beds at will, I can pay a special person for the excavation - the result is more important. And the individuals who through the splashes of saliva are obliged to dig the parents beds!" cause only one desire: to take and fuck. You are obliged, you and dig, and do not go to others.

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №138048
 21.01.2017
Sberbank is Sberbank. My mother decided to give me 2000 for the new year. She did not know how to go to the bank with the computer on you, so as not to suffer. Yes, 2000 was transferred, but not to me, but to her credit card, which she did not use at all (she was sent back a year ago when issuing a salary card). We found it a week later, my mom went to the bank: no, you can't transfer back, even if it's a mistake of the bank itself, you can only buy something with a credit card (cool what!). My mom is very patient, my mom is very patient. and further:
OK, I will buy it. I forgot my password, can I restore it now?
Q: No, we can't restore the credit card password, you need (attention!) Apply for a new credit card, transfer money to it and only then with a new password.

The graffiti with a disabled costume clearly controls something wrong.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №138047
 21.01.2017
Preventing is their slogan, but not their goal.

The girl from 112 asks (anxiously) - What is the big field?
I say: O wiennoe
The girl is leaving, thank you for the information.

Moral... yes, he knows what morality is here, they change clothes when they remember responsibility, apparently this is the morality here...

Our garage burned. by autumn. And in the spring, I see the fire right in the same place from where the fire started last time. I called 112. They say, “Why do you not destroy yourself?” No, otherwise I would not have called. The next day the fire again. And a aunt from her site pulls a brahlo to him. It turned out that she didn’t want to burn on her site, but wanted to near our garages. I called the police, she. They were supposed to come and explain, but the next day the fire again. I called, I said so, and you did work at all? Or we know last year the garages burned, if I call you and tell you about the application and how you worked it. There were no more fires.

[ + 29 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №138046
 21.01.2017
Cactus "from radiation" in front of the monitor is still fine.

In 1993, we started computing on the IBM PS/1 (such as they were called). A schoolgirl forced her to take a change from her legs and walk on a computer class in a shoe! So that the dust from the shoes does not damage the precise instruments.

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №138045
 20.01.2017
At the Pastepharian baptism, it is customary to eat cold pasta with frozen plates.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №138044
 20.01.2017
Zzz: Guess what I painted?
XXX is bad?
The hill?
ccc: an elephant in the dungeon?
ZZZ: It is almost. This is a member who has eaten his annual budget in a month.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №138043
 20.01.2017
In the comments under the video, where in a table sheet of three-layer glass, the middle layer is specially split so that it goes with small cracks and looks like broken.

WOW: Is it planned? Or who just stumbled?
XH: The Design Course
xxx: well so for yourself)) the move is like a broken car in the salon will be sold)
xxx: I design the interiors myself, no customer will agree on such a table)
Yyy: Well, I would buy something, at least not like in any furniture store.
xxx: Imagine the guests in the house)) how many stupid questions will be asked from them)) Tipo " Why did the broken table not change?" "I will not cut myself?" " What the new table has broken?" " That’s why I didn’t want to take the shot table, out of my look";
yyy: Just don’t need to bring stupid guests) and there will be no stupid questions)

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №138042
 20.01.2017
Lumix77: Do posts have side effects?
bald_eagle: There are some comments.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna