bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107489
 29.12.2014
Life, like money, should be spent on pleasant nonsense.

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №107488
 29.12.2014
During the Great French Revolution, a certain de Saint-Sir was brought before the court of the revolutionary tribunal. The President asks the accused about his name and surname.
“My name is de Saint-Sir,” the defendant replied. The particle de meant that a person belonged to the nobility family.
“There is no more nobility,” the chairman objected.
In that case, I am Saint Sir.
And since the pronunciation of the word "holy" is similar to the pronunciation of "Sen", the defendant had to give up this part of his surname.
The time of superstition and holiness has passed, there are no more saints.
I am just Sir.
This was the case with the members of the royal family at the time.
The kingdom with all its titles fell forever.
The accused had to admit that he had no name at all, and he was not subject to the law.
“I am nothing but abstraction – abstraction,” said Saint-Sir. You will not find a law punishing an abstract idea. You have to justify me.
And the confused tribunal indeed found the defendant innocent and sentenced the following: “A Citizen of Abstraction is offered to choose a republican name for the future if he does not wish to incite further suspicion.”

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №107487
 29.12.2014
I decided to surprise my husband. While he was washing, she grabbed her trousers with a striped foul tail, cat ears on her head, and seductively lay in bed above the blanket, taking the pose of a playful cat.
She woke up from the fact that the naked playful cat was wrapped in a blanket, scratched behind her ear and said, "Sleep, bleach!"

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №107486
 29.12.2014
I talk to a girl from another city, they are suppliers:

Anastasia
What did you have to do with me, Matt.
Alexis
I speak in principle, we have a corporate style.
Anastasia
Wouldn’t he warn?
Alexis
It is blue 😉

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №107485
 29.12.2014
I think that if the pedestrian crossings are made after 20 meters, then pedestrians will cross exactly between, and cyclists will jump out on the crossings, like the devils from the box.

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №107484
 29.12.2014
I was surprised. Sitting in a fun company - neighbors called the menta. A local friend came, he had a friend in that company. While they wore the menta, they wore the macarons.

What do you know about fun companies?

Once we were looking for a builder on the outskirts of the city in the slums, we sit at his house, in the neighboring room, a dialogue of two women:
Where is the cage?
Petrovna has taken, she has to burn.
And long ago?
1 hour and a half ago.
Go and take it until they give it up!

[ + 20 - ] Comment quote №107483
 29.12.2014
I’ve had cats all my life, and they haven’t eaten rain or raised a tree, so jokes about it were not quite understandable to me. And here, in the summer, a very friendly dog, a housewife, but not to drive out, once it came. And here I am all in the New Year’s mood, decorating the house, hanging the rain, turning around and seeing this red face chewing a bunch of rain! In short, I managed to take it, well that he did not swallow, but only chewed, the rain dropped out and now I think: well that we have not put the tree for ten years.

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №107482
 29.12.2014
I noticed that my wife joined the group "Erotic clothes", apparently it is for the best)

[ + 31 - ] Comment quote №107481
 29.12.2014
The Hickey:

Hi Hi Hi Hi Hi I know a family with five children. I repeat five. They live very poorly. Children are educated and polite. Asked my mother, how toxicosis and other charms? How could she have decided to do so? The first time, there was no toxicity. And the rest of the times - there was no time, only have time to turn, with such an eagle. So it’s not a matter of hormones, it’s a matter of behavior priorities. If the priority is on the selfish demand for increased attention to his person, it is one thing. And if there are more important things... it is not time to go out.

Well, yes, I will divorce someone else’s trouble.
And I know a family in which one child, the mother during pregnancy had such toxicosis that she was placed in the hospital, and doctors insisted on abortion.
Do not equate all to the same denominator, people are not the same details, but each has their own stories.

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №107480
 29.12.2014
I stopped only after my phrase: maybe you flew from a strange husband, broke up a strange family, and give yourself a place in the transportation.

The PS has reached the point.
--------
Dear transportation truck! And what, a child born from a foreign husband will automatically grow into an alkas or a fool? Probably, your mom hid something from daddy... and if seriously - this unborn child in 25-30 years, maybe you will be treated in an old-age shelter. Or maybe the medicine "of everything in the world" will invent. Or something else that will be useful to everyone and especially to you, 45-year-old fool. Well, at least just a good man will grow up, we will earn for retirement. The woman did not demand honors - she asked for help. You rejected her and taunted her, and you still boast about it. is shameful.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №107479
 29.12.2014
The Evil :
It is naive:

I noticed that my wife joined the group "Erotic clothes", apparently it is for the best)
----------

I’m upset with your incredible naivety :-))) Why did you decide that it was for you?
_____ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _
I am surprised at your toxicity. For medical purposes, a.
Do you judge by yourself, since you think that wives can not be interested in erotic underwear for the sake of their husband? As an option - for the sake of your loved one, to paint - again - in front of your husband, not in front of someone else.

In the name of the funny:
The brain injury was caused by something heavy and dull, presumably a question.

[ + 15 - ] Comment quote №107478
 29.12.2014
Saturday morning, 5 o’clock, all normal people are asleep, and in my kitchen a painting with oil: 4-year-olds and 6-year-olds are sitting at the table opposite each other and, shouting and interrupting each other, playing chess. Moreover, only the elderly can and teach the younger, and she does not give up and "goes" as it fails, the elderly oreth, the younger answers the same. I come, I drive on the beds, and in the morning the 10-year-old tells me: "I got enough, at 5 a.m. I woke up to play chess."

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №107477
 29.12.2014
The Cuckoo’s grandson:

When my mother was born, my grandmother and all the other women of the USSR had 10 days of maternity leave after childbirth and 4 days before.
so your eternal pregnancy-PMS nits are rightly perceived as the caprices of brainless people.
And it is not necessary to equate pregnancy to a deadly disease, if it were, humanity would rise to fucking at the dawn of formation. Hello to the feminists.
Without respect for the incubators that are attacking you.
____________________

In 1917, the Council of People’s Commissars (CNC) adopted the Decree “On Pregnancy and Maternity Benefit”, according to which a woman was entitled to retain her workplace and paid maternity leave 112 days, 56 days before and 56 days after. What year was your mother born?

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №107476
 29.12.2014
You are tired of talking about what you do not know. Yes, when I gave birth to the second child - as I went to the toilet, she god! That there in an hour, you could immediately get up and leave with the child under the mouse. And after the first childbirth, I walked for a month and I was unbearably painful to walk further from the toilet. And it hurt me both times so that the vessels in my eyes broke. This is considered a mild form of toxicity. Don’t let God give you such a life experience.
Health and good for everyone. Stay away from pregnant women. Without your judgment, it’s stupid.

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №107475
 29.12.2014
I was sitting until 16:00 yesterday to help the dispatcher.
The call:
The girl! I called an ambulance for the child. When will they be?
All brigades on calls. Your challenge is handed over, they will be released and they will go. Wait to.
But we need to speed up!
What happened? Is the child getting worse?
We have a tree in an hour.
What kind of tree? You called an ambulance for the child.
And now, because of this, to deprive him of the celebration?! to

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107474
 28.12.2014
Before the release of the fifth iPhone, all my friends believed in the advertisement and persuaded me that there would be holograms. Now I understand that I have trouble, since I only know idiots.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №107473
 28.12.2014
I walk today on the main street of the city, listen to music, admire the snowfall, think of the eternal. In front of me are 2 students, at 1.5 meters maximum. The smaller begins to smash the smaller. Gives the heels so that the hat flies. He picked up his little hat from the floor and continued. I, as an active citizen, a hero and all that, speed up, take off my hat and say, “Keep it and don’t do it anymore.”
In 1 second, a whole train of thoughts flew through my head: 1.Hey, he is bald.
2nd high school student.
There are no fucking schoolchildren.
4 is a man.
This is his father...
The man fell into a stupor and until he got out of him, I turned sharply to the left, went outside the corner of the house and fled.
It was uncomfortable because I wanted to do something good.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №107472
 28.12.2014
Q: Do you know what it is to suck?
WOW: Well...
HH: Don’t even bother.
XHH: In short, I went yesterday with Antonha in a state of middle support on the street.
And we see the inscription on the fence: Anton Gandon. Melon was written.
That affected Antonia’s feelings.
XHH: And he squeezed that inscription from the fence.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №107471
 28.12.2014
He was rescued and his mother rescued. Then two nurses and Egorych, barefoot on their left leg, finally freed from the hated splinter, transferred the nursery to the hospital on bearings.
When she, already quiet and pale, was lying, covered with tiles, when the baby sat in the wardrobe next door and everything went well, I asked her:
Why, mother, have you found no better place to give birth than on the bridge? Why didn’t he come on a horse?
She answered:
The father did not give the horse. Five verses, he said, all you will come. Grandma is healthy. No horse to hunt.
“Your fool and your pig,” I replied.
“Oh, what a dark people,” Pelageya Ivanovna sadly added, and then somewhat sneered.
(C) Bulgakov "Notes of a Young Doctor"

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №107470
 28.12.2014
With Dairy:
The Japanese, by the way, and the Russians saw about traffic accidents on the roads :horror: they even for Russia their name, or as they now say, they invented - おそロシア (from jp. osoroshia is a fusion of the words "osoroshi:" - terrible, scary and "roshia" - Russia", respectively "terrifying Russia")

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna