The news:
"The Bal-E missile system entered the use of the Caspian Fleet"
Comments are burning:

ac1dgreen: Bal-E should have a friend Wall-E =)
Lifewalker: Bal-E Kagbe hints us what he did with all the enemy ships nearby.
...
ac1dgreen: I thought so. It will be exported under the name Uck-F.

And let’s remember what you can do in the absence of a computer. Well, we all had such a time, like a relatively adult generation gathered.
to sing. But there is a risk that the computer will work again.

XXX: Listen, I like to hide. One evening I approached my mother with a complaint: “Mom, I’ve pulled a brush somewhere.” What was the answer: "What is a mouse?"...
xxx: The reaction of the father most delighted: "Baba you need... BAAAABUUUU"

My favorite Sberbank.
I take cash from the card today, there is a new interface. I enter the amount of 3500 p, then the choice: 1. repeat the input, 2. large notes, 3. with the exchange. Buttons "pofigu" did not appear, I choose "big" and I get 35 hundred bills. I am standing, I am counting. I’m even afraid to guess what I’d get off if I chose "with exchange"!

xxx: You won’t believe, it turns out to be a cartoon "Bambi meets Godzilla".
YYY : %
You won’t believe it, but it has a continuation. "Son of Bambi meets Godzilla"
Yyy: In spite of the obvious, Godzilla survived.

XHH: Just in the last few days the horror movies have somehow annoyed me.
WOW: How elegantly you said you were a referrer.

that is, you changed him, he was a little too competitive and you accidentally split up?

From the children’s broadcast:
They represent the participants of the team – it is Vasya, so many years, engaged in chess, it is Masha, loves music, etc... It is Lisa, she is a big dreamer – she wants people all over the world to live long and happy!

Hollowing up, hollowing up!
I decided to enjoy my car, 95th gasoline. It is worth 10 liters, t. The lamp is burning. I go to the refuelling station to the column and the neighboring column becomes Lexus.
The operator is 10 liters. Driving a Lexus 50 liters. I went back to the car looking at the counter, mark 5, 8, 9, 10, 11, I think something here is not the same I wanted to move my hands to STOP! and then I understand that it is not worth it, because it is interesting. 12, 15, 30, 40... and 50!! The Lexus driver was sitting in the car and did not see the meter, it was served by "tankers".
Thanks to the operator. The poor Lexus.

Anthropoid
The cats scream and don’t sleep.
Priestly
Make the cakes from them.
Anthropoid
Artemis, how can you say that? They are still very small.
Anthropoid
Few cakes will work.

“Believe only Mom and Dad and the girl with whom you’re walking around the park today. If you walked yesterday, don’t believe it anymore".

Fishbone: The oldest virgin revealed her secret to the world on the eve of her 105th birthday. By the way, the secret of her longevity she believes is the absence of sex. Her grandmother’s name is Clara Meadmore.

What kind of food did your grandmother eat?

This is sarcasm, you don’t understand. Go download the sarcasm tablet, I’ll print it for such moments.
(within 5 minutes)
is difficult.
What is?
I can’t find the sarcasm! Google only releases screenshots of the Big Bang Theory!

UTorrent manufacturers are releasing a paid uTorrentPlus, I wonder if a broken version will soon appear on torrents?

At our work, the girl alone did the operation on the nose,because he did not breathe at all.And here is the breeze she is so pleased,blowing,that How good is the nose to breathe!And the devil pulled me to grumble:Now you have moved to a new level.You are available for a minute,not suffocating.

On one of the central channels, such as control procurement, was. They show the whisker and say: "On the label it is written made in Scotland, and on the excise duty "UK" how is it?" And most importantly, the seller himself can understand nothing! This is why geography should be taught in school. and :)

Nokia is an amazing phone. For three days he has warned me that the battery is running out.

Our driver had a trouble: someone gave an announcement in the newspaper that an employee was required to work at home and, sealed, indicated his (our driver's) phone. The problem was solved, the phone was reprinted, but the calls continued for two weeks. And then when he finally whispered, at the next call he ringed me to talk. There was a grandmother at the end.

Do you need an employee to work at home?
Do you have a scanner?
Yes, but what is the job?
I: Well, look: a man comes to your house and brings some drawings and documents. If possible, it is better for him to come at two or three o’clock at night so that no one sees him. You scan all these drawings and documents, download them on the flash and the next day put them under the stone in the park, I will show you under which.
Baby (uncertain): what are the drawings?
I: So when it is a tank, then a plane, then a rocket. The aircraft carriers have gone well lately, or the submarines. Salary in dollars. And decent.

A long silence in the telephone.

Baba (with a shaking voice): You know, I just burned my windows, so I can’t.

He dropped the phone.

"....monolithic cube 7x7x3 m...."
That's why it's all broken down that 7x7x3 is, from the point of view of the builder, a cube.

I was persuaded by my mother 12 years ago to go to the puddle. I went because I rarely saw my mom and could not refuse her.
We came to some crushchop, a aunt sitting in the kitchen with cards (not tarot). Let’s throw your passies. Indeed, it would be better for Sapphire to dismantle.
You have a sick liver.
- No, I am out, all the medical commissions show me as a benchmark in the section of the garrison.
You have sick kidneys.
“No, I can drink 3 liters of beer and suck and go last in the company.
You have...
I have bags under my eyes since childhood, inherited. Don’t study me, I read Carnegie. Go ahead, the cards don’t lie!
You will meet a woman!
And I carry. I am married for the second time. What do I have in the future?
The Road! Here is the sixth saying that you have a road!
This is not a six, but a reversed nine. My trolley bus follows the route number 9, goodbye.

My mother forbade her to appear.