bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 21 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68468
 14.08.2012
The Moscow-Peter night train.
A girl reads an e-book while lighting up an iPhone.
Long thought...

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №68467
 14.08.2012
Our priests do not give in to our deputies.
As Likholetova told the edition "Gazeta.ru", a two-seat sports BMW with diplomatic numbers under the control of the temple curator of Ilya Prophet Imam Timotius (in the world Alexei Podobedev) crashed into the Volkswagen Touareg. From the impact, BMW flew to the opposite lane, where it collided with the Toyota Corolla, which was driven by Likholetova. According to eyewitnesses, the priest at the time of the incident was drunk and refused to undergo medical examination.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №68466
 14.08.2012
From the discussion on the film, that in the next part of the "Unstoppable" can take part Clint Eastwood, Harrison Ford, Nicholas Cage and others.

The xxx:
The fifth part will be played by Clark Gable and Charlie Chaplin.

[ + 38 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68465
 14.08.2012
Recipe for cake:
Take two packs of Doshirak, carefully open the clock, separate the spices. Brikets are soaked in a condensed water for three to four hours. Put one briket on the other, before this, the space between them must be smeared with cream. On the top of the cake can be decorated with strawberries and pieces of a kidney surprise.
XX: Where did the students get the kindergarten surprises?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №68464
 14.08.2012
Why is it called Dime?
YYY: Nikita refused to cut off, and Maxim his grandmother's name is a goat - it didn't fit too!

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №68463
 14.08.2012
I am a parent. I want to introduce rocks and abolish Astakhov.

[ + 17 - ] Comment quote №68462
 14.08.2012
Stories with the final slogan: “Never defeat Russia!” and “Never defeat us!” and so on, in fact, very well illustrate why Russia will never live well.

[ + 46 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68461
 14.08.2012
After watching "What men are talking about".
Girl: Listen, are you really saying all this?
I: Remember, we watched What Women Want and I asked you, do you really think of that shit? And you answered that the script was written by either feminists or some transgender.
I have no more questions.)

[ + 34 - ] Comment quote №68460
 14.08.2012
I don’t know how there is in China, but I personally have a tea ceremony in search of a cup around the apartment.

[ + 37 - ] Comment quote №68459
 14.08.2012
The seller has burned.
The buyer suits. asks "and why do you have such chargers for notebooks expensive?" - my seller is silent. The buyer repeats the question for the second time. My seller answers "I don't know how to answer your question" - buyer "Silence". the seller "Silence I have already answered"

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №68458
 14.08.2012
xxx: Progress has reached unprecedented heights – I’ve been given a digital soap machine that’s getting worse than my phone.

[ + 33 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68457
 14.08.2012
The wind. We go with a friend from Norilsk (D) on the street:
I: Well the wind! Going is a little hindering.
D is figured. We in Norilsk, when we were preparing for the session, sat on the roof (well there is convenient, no one interferes). As a break, they decided to play football with a bottle of lemonade. After a strong pinch, the bottle flies beyond the roof, stops and returns, and you’re saying it’s going!

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №68456
 14.08.2012
Advertising in the elevator

"(30.07.2012) In your entrance, approximately in the elevator, the striped pants were accidentally lost. Please return (for a modest reward) 1 entrance 5 sq."

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №68455
 14.08.2012
Vishenko@
I have a pain in my leg (

Pork fountain
and cut.

Vishenko@
It’s not funny that all these heartless

Pork fountain
You always have something to hurt, you treat me with all the wounds, as if I am an extrasensitive, I can cure by the number of aska, fucking. What shall I do? I’ll say, “Oh, poor, how I’m sorry for you..."Will you get better? No is? Go to the hospital, it will help. I am a pragmatist now.

Vishenko@
I was there

Vishenko@
Do not anger on me.

Vishenko@
I cut yesterday.

Vishenko@
The bottom of the bottle

Vishenko@
I had so much blood for the first time, and it suddenly thickened, though it never happened before.

Pork fountain
You know, I once dive into a pond, cut off the tip of my nameless finger on my leg (this is so lucky). There were no cell phones at the time, not to mention the rescuers on the beach, so I had to go to the house (about 20 cames) with a scattered finger. Corda I came home, in the shoe whispered))) Despite the leaf of roadmap, carefully suggested by friends)))

Pork fountain
So cut off the cap, glue the road and go to the hospital tomorrow)))

[ + 33 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68454
 14.08.2012

Alexander is
My mom got a bit upset here.

Alexander is
I was sitting at home yesterday and talked that she should probably change her phone. Yesterday I sat looking at all kinds of Nokia foolish in the net, chose what a non-young model. Now we were going to my grandmother (about the tsunami grandmother lives) and suddenly noticed the euro network, decided to go in and buy immediately, said to pull it. I sit in the car and wait. It wasn’t long enough that I was surprised. After 40 minutes, she came out with a bag in her hand. I immediately asked why she was so delayed. Answer: "Yes, I looked at the chosen model live and what I didn’t like. I decided to leave already, and then an uncle employee advised a new phone, a very good speaker. Well, I looked, decided that sympathetic little, here immediately and bought". Punch, I say something.
I get a box from the package.
And here I cried!
She bought a Galaxy S3!! to
Fuck, my future laptop is less expensive!!!! to
The officer...
And after all, if I steal that phone from her, she knows where I live.
He even knows my name!( by

[ + 69 - ] Comment quote №68453
 14.08.2012
Near the Sberbank branch, a full lady complained to her friend: "And I have Serjoja, you can imagine, such a fucking man - he never matures." He wanted to find out where she lived and release Serjoza.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №68452
 14.08.2012
What is globalization: This is a Finnish metal band singing a song about vodka in Russian at a concert in Tokyo on the motif of Hava-Nagila...

[ + 7 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68451
 14.08.2012
No woman deserves the attention that a float receives in windless weather!

[ + 61 - ] [11 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №68450
 14.08.2012
Super Design

Ten years ago, we started our own company. Construction and repair. Actually, everything has already worked, but there has been a serious moment of mutual misunderstanding on some commercial issues. The company split into two.
Divorce and division of property. We got: a package of documents for the “reserve” firm, some of the tools and other stuff, a few workers who wanted to leave with us... and everything was lost.
To say that money is hard is to exaggerate. They simply did not exist at all.
First of all, you need an office. Saška was sinking and a couple of days later we looked at the ruins of the first floor of the fur factory dormitory with interest. From the ceiling hang some slopes, and a hole in the wall - there was previously a shoe reception point for repair, it is terrible to enter the floor - you can find yourself in the basement... And the "owners" say: you will make a repair here in a week - a year free use. The men swallowed, and I looked at it for a moment and said, “In the hands! Let us do!”
When the “masters” left, they almost broke me. But then...
Exactly a week later, the owners of the premises came to see and clearly intended to laugh. We didn’t have money, they knew.
We had to laugh.
What they saw:
A flat ceiling with exotic lights.
Walls with very interesting combined wallpapers
The curtains are also very unusual.
New furniture
A painting on the wall
A triangular aquarium
New Floors
The new door.
A table with computer.
But most shocked a soft sofa with iron pins.

They immediately signed with us a couple of contracts for repairs from the premises.
have gone. We roasted for a long time.
by points:
The ceiling was flat and white. Lamps in the form of bulbs - a dense thread is inserted into the needle and stretches through a bottle of paper glue, and then the ball is wrapped - it is easier to do
No money was found on the back. They gathered from who what pieces were left, thought about how better to glue, and the joints were glued with a filet.
The curtains are made according to the same principle.
I painted the painting I found in the warehouse. Rama was there. What was drawn - no one understood, but the hole in the wall was closed.
The aquarium was broken shortly before that. Clamped out of the usual - a triangular resulted
- on the floors went two old cabinets of polished DSP and a bank of lacquer
The furniture was collected by washing, washed and clothed with film.
The funniest thing about the sofa. The boys wrapped the usual garden bench in the park, and already on the spot we "tune it off" - two mattresses were shot with a stepler - I found on the loft - and a beautiful type of blanket. The handles were painted in black and a little silver.

When we got through, we came to the conclusion that we will succeed.

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №68449
 14.08.2012
Legalization of weapons is the last thing the deputies have been able to do during their lives.

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna