It is better to find one reason than eleven excuses.
(Author of the Orthodox)

Husbands and their duration. One woman in the hallway lived in a closet, from which suddenly, without a declaration of war, the door fell, well not on the head.
The woman tried to solve the problem with her own hands, almost succeeded, but this time the breaking door acted more targeted.
On the forehead, the head whispers, the shelf with the collection of vessels is removed, the door is pleasantly opened across the corridor, and I want to hang myself.
But the woman did not look for easy ways, and so found a phone on the Internet and called her husband.
I told him about the smuggling of household items.
The husband of the Hour ringed in the phone and asked what he could be useful to.
How what? → A woman surprised. The repair! Write the address.
My husband breathed hard, but the address was recorded.

At the half-sixth on the threshold appeared an unshaken embal and humorously asked: - What to repair?
The owner said, “Are you just on the sanitary? by all? It is great!
The bowl in the toilet is running, the crane in the kitchen is splashing like a rage, the outlet is sparkling, and the light bulb has burned out, I tried to twist - it is not twisted! Do you have a drill? Can I hang a mirror? You can, yeah? How lucky I was with you!
Ambal made it clear that he would prefer a less extensive field of activity. But yet he shrugged the tank with the crane, changed the light bulb, repaired the socket, hung the mirror, at the same time moved the stove and then asked: - Where is the door?
The door still holds. Thank you, a huge thank you! The hostess said.
Finally, our JES started to work. How much do I owe you?
What does it mean to hold? The one that fell out of the closet? They asked themselves.
Did I ask? I don’t have such a closet. Are you from Jesse? Do not approach! I will scream! Are you a maniac?! to
And who else? We, maniacs, like to maniack when nothing is shining around, otherwise no pleasure. Don’t make a circus.
Calls unknown who, demands unclear what, I, like the fool last, I think, a lonely aunt, help no one, okay, here next door, through the house, what is there, and you are me about maniacs?! I am a doctor, not a calling maniac! Do good after that!
“Oh,” said the red housewife and laughingly smashed her springy nose. – is
Honestly, I didn’t call anywhere, I swear! Is the address confused?
This is the 68th house, not the 168th. Sorry, it was so uncomfortable! Let me feed you for dinner! I need to rehabilitate somehow. Or you and the
Will you go to the 68th house?
Ambal kept silent, looked at the housewife again, smelled and said, “Let’s not turn charity into a routine. And for dinner, the same chicken that burns up in the kitchen?

A woman from the 68th house, tired of jumping through the door, called her husband again. With claims on the subject “where your conscience” and
“How much can I wait.”
- I hear you for the first time, how do I know where they called, I am normal, and with hearing normal, and with the head! Will you continue to scream or record you? On Saturday, the next day. Here’s what, take your husband and tell him what and when to do, scandalist!
He dropped the phone, the bastard.

The woman knocked the door in her heart and cried.
I cried a long time.
And late in the evening, she called her ex-husband, who was supposed to be a lifetime, and it turned out that in comparison with life - only for an hour. Through the clutches, she told me about the door. And about the fact that she didn’t need him for a hundred years, lived without him, and will continue to live. And that she is very bad. The door has nothing to do with it. Absolutely nothing to do.

A year later, in August, a woman whispered to her ex-husband, “Do you see the couple out?” The man is healthy and the girl is red.
He is a surgeon in cardiology. Tomorrow I will tell the girls, all, late, married, broke a guy!

The girls! If you are sitting in the subway and in front of you a charming young man and does not take your eyes away from you, relax, just behind your back is a subway scheme.

Apres: I realized today that I’m getting so excited and that it’s time to get connected with computers when in the universe our dean asked, “Listen, you’re such a smart boy, you’re learning great and all that... why did you get into a programmer? I would go to an economic faculty".
ALEXANDROFF: Hm... what’s it about? Maybe that’s his civic position.
Apres is fucking! Yes, I have a specialty - accounting, analysis and audit!

My mother calls and says:
Two courtyards on the garden ring mount the yard. One to another:
What did you do, fucking? You do not understand? Do you understand me?! to

From the survey "My boyfriend doesn’t shave his shoulder. How can I easily explain what I’m upset about?"
How does it look? The chest is hairy, the legs are hairy, and in the middle is a bald puppy, like a baby, crawling? Strangely...

Posts tagged with cats:
And one of my real acquaintances, when 25 years ago showed these naked cats, did so.
There was a broadcast and showed these "sphinx". What an angry grandmother they were!
And in a couple of days I come to my friend, and there this miracle is happening!
Where did you get it?! to
Where did I get, where did I get, where did I get, where did I get?
And the scratched hands show...
Seriously!
I can give him Skype!

I’m constantly singing dubstep, but all my friends think I’m epileptic.

Howard you say? And you, the sorcerer of the Emerald City, read how an American girl, and her brainless, heartless and cowardly company led by her, sowed democracy to the right and to the left in a magical country.

Tanya: What you do
Cat Schrödinger: I will put Ubuntu on Mac
Q: Do you have a girlfriend?
Cat Schrödinger: Oops, the window is wrong. And the question in the topic, very even)))) No, no :(

by Habr

XXX is
hike such a refrigerator, which with the service center is the fellow himself, then look and the dumb will begin to order the house himself, looks: ends, Bach - ordered
Reply Likes Time ago

YYYY
You probably wanted to say products.

ZZZ
You open the refrigerator and it’s crazy.

ZZZ
Sitting down, foods chew

Diana: Advice something to watch down, and the mood is crazy.( by
The fucking? Talk about love.)
Diana: My boyfriend dropped me, well, fuck her that love!( by
So go about love in the ass.)

From my favorite network:

by Yanina:
In fact, the bejics were invented to keep an eye on the breasts without a burn.

by Dmitry:
Beagles were invented to make you know whose breasts you are looking after!

by Eugene :
Jan, your message just opened my eyes to life, and Dmitry’s message added meaning to it!

In Italy, a cat inherited 10 million euros, real estate in Rome and land in Colabria
Y: And another question...what will the cat do? Will he buy cats and beat them? Do they have hairstyles?
X: In principle, with his condition, he can beat human females
The human is not interested, he is a cat.
X: Well you know, these rich people have such perversions...

The grass is green.
The rain is coming...
This is shit, December!
Hello New Year!

I was on the train. Suddenly the light froze and eventually disappeared. There was wind in the window. began to stop. Not dementia, I thought.
by Pilgrim(c)

I was told by border agents how the illegals burned their paths: where the greatest concentration of cactus is seen, there is a path. Especially the desert. Where you dry, the cactus starts to collapse. Who will water the sand in the desert? Only illegals and illegal citizens.

Boy - girl: I admire watching you hang, it reminds me of downloading pictures on a modem...

My two-year-old daughter found a Prodigy disc with the image of the band's soloist (in the photo he's opened his mouth and painted in black shadows). She asks, “Mom, who is this?” and I answer, “It’s my uncle, you see, he sings. The daughter says- no, this aunt is messy, you see, she screams-"I’m messy!"

We sit in society, trying to bustle the historian, in order to stretch the time and not write the test.
M: L.B., you have such a powerful voice, you are such a great woman!
L b.You know, I had a boy here. He says, “If we could carry weapons and kill teachers, I would have killed you, L.B., first.”
M: Who is this fool?
( the pause )
L b. (with a deceitful smile): It doesn’t matter. He is no longer.