bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 40 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57466
 14.12.2011
The spam site popped up. with large letters it is written "What awaits you in the new year", and just below the question "you have 18?" and the buttons are yes/no...
So how can you know what awaits me in the new year, a site that doesn’t know how old I am?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №57465
 14.12.2011
from JJ:
If anyone goes,
He is feeding the cat.
If you don’t feed the cat,
Why did he get up?

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №57464
 14.12.2011
YYY: You decided to sing me?? to
First of all, myself...

[ + 61 - ] Comment quote №57463
 14.12.2011
Under Hitler in Germany, a rabbit could be taken out of a tram and shot. This is how he taught them to pay for the trip. They still pay properly for the trip. They don’t even have conductors.
Wow the idiots. Do they think Hitler is still in power?

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №57462
 14.12.2011
Discussion on the hubre "Created camera with a record closing speed"

Comment: Even on such a camera, Chuck Norris will get blurred photos.

[ + 27 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57461
 14.12.2011
Girlfriend, why are you so sad?
YYY: Well... my fell... he ran away...
XXX is a nightmare. I can give a phone call of a familiar doctor on this issue.
Which doctor is he??? The server crashed and he ran away.

[ + 39 - ] Comment quote №57460
 14.12.2011
I am sitting at work, destroying old documents. The employee (C) enters, then the dialogue:
C – What are you doing?
(I) - Yes, I work out the shredder, I destroy the old accounts.
C is Aha! Today the bills, tomorrow the world?? to
O O O O O O O

[ + 27 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57459
 14.12.2011
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Are you still a boy?? to
No more girl!

[ + 66 - ] Comment quote №57458
 14.12.2011
I remember, in our "G" pattern lived a doll of Toll alone. I was 8 years old then. Uncle was fun. I like to drink and have fun. There were always problems with mentions. And when, once again, the thief came into the yard, we didn’t even guess who he was. Uncle Tola again did not share something with his wife and she called out... And here, they take out our neighbor’s pen and throw it through the back door into the car. Following one of the employees and in a moment, on a beautiful trajectory, like in American films, he flies back and painfully splashes on the ground. Out of the car looks an outraged uncle of Tola with a scream: "For me they have been pressed!!!", and knocks the door... And you say, epic wine...

[ + 35 - ] Comment quote №57457
 14.12.2011
k_n: I read the decision on the court’s website, they are obliged to remove personal information from the decision when issuing a general review. As a result, the following is obtained - "The plaintiff Zhukov L.V. The deceased J. P. <the data are withdrawn>, which is confirmed by the corresponding certificate of the conclusion of their marriage from 19.08.1972" ))))
m_a: yes, it was they cool hiding who the claimant Zhukov is)))))

[ + 48 - ] Comment quote №57456
 14.12.2011
xxx: Soft chair, aquarium with fish, legs on the table, tea, sandwiches with cutting
YYY: Hospitals, it’s time for me to connect with medicine
I didn’t understand the first two words.

[ + 48 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57455
 14.12.2011
Bullets change the government much better than elections!
It is burning)))

[ + 28 - ] [6 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57454
 14.12.2011
Fate is not what happens to us; fate is what you do when something happens to you.

[ + 85 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57453
 14.12.2011
I have always admired those nameless but important people of mankind who gave the world their brilliant inventions. It was given because their creations are so brilliantly simple that once they have seen it, anyone can repeat the miracle: Fire Wheel, Steam, Luke Riding, and not enough.
Each of these things divided human history into “before” and “after.”
It's not for you any sluggish iPhone, from which soon will take money even for charging the battery...
Truly great discoveries – unmistakable and comprehensible – I have seen, swallowed, applied, and you have the feeling that your entire tribe has been working only for you.
And for me as a director and a seeker of strong emotions, the reaction of people to a miracle has always been interesting.
I was lucky one day. I have seen with my own eyes how the ancient people, who carried loads on them all their lives, saw the wheel for the first time.

Winter in the Ivanov region. The sleeping forest. The operator and I came to film a documentary about local crafts. We were brought in by a student from Finland, Ilma. Finka, like a Finnish, small, strong as a taburet, cheerful, company and speaking Russian. No burden at all.
The concentrated Ilma ran with her camera over the deep snow and with her thick clothes she managed to press a button.
“The Rec.” Diploma work is not a hookah.
The woodsmen were afraid of us and were kind and welcoming, for we drank tea with their governor yesterday. Little, suddenly he to thirty-degree frost even the wind will leave them, then in general the pipe.
The filming was fun and boycotted, otherwise you could have frozen.
I measured the length of the shadows from the pine trees, then put a rod in the snow and pretended the ratio of its height to the length of the shadow, divided, multiplied, counted the steps and got the point to which the top of the spinning tree should fall.
Then in this place put a camera (at least without an operator) and Ilmu
(which, for some reason, believed my calculations, because I was silent that in the school of geometry I had a hard couple).
Everything went like oil. The woodcutters “smiled” the trunk in the right direction, and the powerful hundred-year-old pine trees with threshold rolled precisely to the feet of our staff and the valleys of the brave Finn.
However, we didn’t bother and decided to take a break for a hot tea.
The woods were torn - one began to boycott the wood for the fire with a gasoline, the second tapped the place, the third used the tractor behind special armaturins and a hammer to hang the tea tree over the future fire.
The fourth pulled a huge bowl with the wires attached to it and boasted that these wires were his personal invention, or before everyone had to hold the pen over the fire until the potatoes were baked.
We and the operator, in joyful anticipation, rubbed our hands and only Ilma, with a supplication in her voice, asked:
- And you can first hot tea and lunch, and then fire and other winters.
The fun? Sorry, but I was very cold.
The woodcutters looked around stupidly laughing, but realizing that in Finland everything is not like in Russia, tried to patiently explain that we may not know like you, but in our forest on thirty-degree frost it is impossible to make tea without a fire. This is a cute girl, there is no gas or rosettes. So I have to wait. Here Sanya will cut a couple of branches and there will be a fireplace, then you will warm up.
Ilma understood nothing about the gas or the rocket and said irritated:
- So I ask - you don't need a fire - it's a long time, just make a fire -
Tea to boil and warm.
Here, the woods were already slightly strained, one even in a joke, or seriously stretched the fireplace to the Finnish.
She took it, pulled it into the stove and asked Sani for a gasoline.
Sanya gave it.
And the Finn from the beginner director instantly turned into a fairy little robber. Licho cut out a large pollen, thirty centimeters in diameter from the pine, and put it on a thork, it turned out to be her belt. We watched her as children for the wizard, it was seen that the seam was the same familiar thing for her as for our girls fan.
Further, she began to cut the pollen along like a cake, but not to the bottom - so that it did not break down into pieces. Only four cuts.
Then the Finn opened a cover and poured a few drops of oil out of the steel pile into the center of the wooden cake, slightly blushed the gasoline from the tank, gave the owner the unit, removed the ignitioner from the boiler and kicked it.
From the beginning of its work, until the appearance of the real gas plate passed exactly a minute. After ten, we all drank mint tea, and a potato with saliva was already shrinking on the wooden shell. The fire did not need to beined, it burned on its own - beautifully and precisely burning pollen from the inside, as if a clever gas balloon structure was hidden in the middle of the barrel. And it did not last five or ten minutes, but almost an hour.
Oh, what picturesque faces were in the former woods. It's a pity that the camera froze, or that it would be filmed for history. At first, they were suspiciously whispering waiting for the subwoofer, but when they realized that the subwoofer would not be and that their life was divided into "before" and "after", they already poured out the soul with joyful interdomains:
Hue...
About them...
You are your mother... well.
From her... b...
If Ilma suddenly shouted, “On your knees! »
I have no doubt that the woods would fall.
No one was working that day anymore, they were tearing each other’s seals and building wooden bourgeoisie, still not believing in their happiness.
And when we left the forest in the body of the tractor, we were accompanied by a snow field decorated with dozens of magical lights and joyful running people who, from that day on, no longer needed wood, no mangal, no wire on the bowl.

Would you know how pleasant it would be to be at least praised to Prometheus...

Honestly downloaded by http://storyofgrubas.livejournal.com/

[ + 45 - ] Comment quote №57452
 14.12.2011
Do you want to fuck a cute black girl?
Husband : Of course!
Give money to the solarium!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №57451
 14.12.2011
Virtually all of the "office plankton" - pissels.

[ + 34 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57450
 14.12.2011
XXX: Examination in Production Management on December 19
And there are tickets!!? to
Zzz: Yes, 150 children and 300 adults.

[ + 42 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57449
 14.12.2011
Literally prepared elections, children/students are forced to study at the wrong time, bridges are burning, prices are rising, Omon kidnappers are instrumental...

If you live in this world - know, at birth you chose as a real man "hard" in the graph of difficulty

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №57448
 14.12.2011
I’m more than sure that if cats had learned to speak, their first words would have been: "eat meat" and "kosherno":)

[ + 31 - ] [2 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №57447
 14.12.2011
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah What did you do to her?
UUU: These babies... The day didn’t go well, everything rolled out of the hands, at work, the last two weeks were completely disconnected from mobile phones, the internet and other communications... Here in this mess a call from her, well, I think we didn’t say for a long time, we should raise the tube, the girl is still mine:
Hello to you!
Hi to you! Tell Annika not to tell everyone that we are together.
(I am in Ahuya) And why did we break up?
Yes, I have abandoned you.
And how should I have known about it?
Well, I didn’t answer you on the sms, so I left you.
Here, with a wild whistle, I turn from the streak, rye for another five seconds, stop sharply, I say, "You are a fucking sheep, I put the telephone.

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