A textbook accidentally left in the toilet by someone suddenly helped a man who had been treated for dysentery for a month to learn Spanish.

My sign is Neptune!
Who do you need to be to pass ALL the tests, ALL the commissions at the FSB office, and at the last interview, with current generals and other surreptitious uncles, to answer the question: "Why did you go to the FSB?", to answer "I am a Pokémon, I want to capture the world!"... >_<
did not take...

One day I went to a small clothes shop. Approaching one of my hangers, he gives:
- Such a feeling that it was all sewn by the stubborn clown sadist daltonic sick in the head.
It was at this moment that the worker approached from behind to hang the goods and with a look in which the hatred of the enemy of all mankind was read, she issued (not in a raised tone):
He is not a Daltonist.

On the forum, a girl writes:
We need a computer towel! The laptop does not work. Wind was flying. Maybe a virus. I do not know the details.
If there is such a person in the UK, please call the number xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

In three days

To all who responded, thank you! The problem is exhausted

MMM: Does the computer work? ))))))))

A person’s intelligence is not determined by the amount of what he knows, but by the quality of what he does.

Grandmother
There is a boy in Lviv, Bogdan. Not really a boy, 15 years old.
Since childhood, he has had some cowardice in the family. Mom and dad have long been separated, grandfather died, and in addition, in recent years, with scandals and murder, three fathers have already had time to change.
Mother is all nervous, from morning to evening disappears at work, you can't ask for a good word from her and there is only one person in Bogdan, whom he loves with all his heart - this is his lovely grandmother.
On the fingers of one hand you could count the days when he fell asleep without talking to his grandmother before bed. They never had secrets from each other. Grandmother and grandson were each other’s souls.
The first love, the first bruises and losses - any little thing on the same day was known to the grandmother, but she kept her grandson's secrets more reliably than a Swiss bank.
Bogdan grew up, married, and over the years he himself became a good adviser to his grandmother.
Her mother was even a little jealous of their idyllic relationship.
One day, the guy came back from school and went out to the yard to take a walk with the dog. He sat down on the bench, smoked and saw that next to the next bench is a old lady sitting with a suitcase and looking at it to the disgrace.
Bogdan became uncomfortable and he asked:
Grandma, did you want something?
The old lady did not answer and called her cell phone.
Suddenly the guy was also called, he took the phone - it was his grandmother:

Hi Goddanko, hello my little one.
The shocked boy did not turn his eyes away from the stranger, he removed the phone from his ear and shouted:
– Ba – Bush – Ka!! to
Then suddenly he threw on the neck to the grandmother sitting on the neighboring bench.

P.S
Until this day, the boy has never seen his beloved grandmother in his fifteen years of life.
She was all these years in Greece on earnings, helped the family a penny and every day of God, no matter what, called her grandson Bogdanchik to find out how his day went.

Trust is when you are told, “You know, and he is walking with you.”
And you say, “Let him walk... He’s warm clothed...”

You are a great Combinator, straight like Bender :)
I don’t know, I didn’t look at Futurama.

Strugatsky wrote the book "Picnic on the side". Based on the book, Tarkovsky made a film. Based on the film, a game was written. Based on the game, a book was written. Based on the book, a film was made... We bet what this story will turn into in 20 years?

She: My vibrator is calling you for a duel.

XX: Yesterday I sat in front of myself in the evening, I didn’t touch anyone. Then they start calling me from an unknown number. I call it just one. Hi Greta, guess who it is. I tell her that I am in principle joking who it is. Then she says "Let’s fuck you". And you know, I was not confused! I acted like any normal man would kick in my place - I breathed with full chest, the voice more seriously and gave her: "Neee, I play in the WWE."

The C formsprint:

Question: Name the 3 most undesirable qualities in a girl. Smoking, Smoking and Mat. Is he drinking too much, or is he still silent? what it decides)

Answer: "The presence of her penis! The only undesirable quality
Everything else is empty talk and "politics" (c)

Color names of cars from sales announcements:
The wet Oswald
The Blue Vitaly

Stanislav: I broke it.
Did the point hurt?
Stalin: The Hand

The VAZ 2112 is sold.
The crushed front bump, beaten glass of the lighthouse, on excellent course.
I give it into good hands.
You will be calling - the ponts and honor less, the Russian twinkle is needed by you, not by me.
And they call, as if Mercedes are being bought, colloquial poor.

Please come to me tomorrow and look at the movie.
When your menstrual period has begun.
XXX. although the movie is normal to watch...and then we all fucking and fucking...

Vitaly
My son took third place, and in the older age group. Fuck, I thought the dude would grow up, and the athlete would grow up.

I recently watched such a picture in one of the courtyards, six bodies landed on the bench near the entrance, huge pieces of hats, all the things, got the beer and wrestled on the cell phone minus, the coolest, apparently, began to read the rap about the harsh life on the street, his friends-band, and that no one is afraid of them. Here the fortress opens on the first floor and from there they are tortured by a aunt in a coat and bigodes, the boys quickly gather and retire. by Porzal.

There are no brave people, there are poorly informed people.

HH: This is something else! I go around with my wife. In our city there it is separated by a road and you can walk peacefully in the evening, people are not. We go, therefore, next to the desert, and see a cross painted on the sand. You know how the treasure is marked.
I guess you decided to dig? =) is
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh We found a tree, dug for 2-3 minutes, and stuck in something solid. We were almost mad when we saw the box!
We got it, and the box is fun, interesting, beautiful, and we think everyone is rich. And the castle on it stood easy, well, I broke it. We opened...
WOW : and?
xxx: We open, and there chicken remains (the smell of infection still, as if 100 years were lying here), and a picture with a happy troll and the inscription:"Play others, bury the box".
Have you buried it?
I cleaned the box and gave it.
XHH: She said, my best gift of all previously given.