bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 49 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №71666
 17.10.2012
Passport girl (DP): what doesn’t please you?
Y: You wrote to me in my new passport the place of birth of the Republic of Tajikistan, then (in the 73rd) it was called the Tajik SSR. I will all be considered a gastroenterologist, and I have lived there for two months.
DP: Go away from here, we have come and the rights are kicked.

[ + 36 - ] Comment quote №71665
 17.10.2012
XXX: Maybe we won’t have fun yet?
Make a kefir party.
XXX: Crazy Chess Fights
XXX: ugar dances under the hits of Baskov
XXX: Yes little we can - young and untouched

[ + 46 - ] Comment quote №71664
 17.10.2012
“Moscow... I eat, I have cut, I have smashed, I have roasted. I had to open the door :) Apologies for a long time. Oh, what undisciplined drivers are" - complains Nikolai Valuev on Twitter.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №71663
 17.10.2012
XXX: I will take a turtle
xxx: I will attach a piece of fur to her armor and I will smooth her

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №71662
 17.10.2012
A three-year-old son asks his mother (she is pregnant), when the doll is born, will the stomach become small?
Then he looks at me sadly and says that Daddy’s stomach will not be small. Never ever!

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №71661
 17.10.2012
Lübeck* (15:54:17 16/10/2012)
What did you think about again?)
Marat (15:54:45 16/10/2012)
of good life.
Marat (15:54:50 16/10/2012)
What I say
Marat (15:55:13 16/10/2012)
I think I would fuck you.

[ + 53 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №71660
 17.10.2012
>> I’m tired of talking about the Post... Respect the work of others.

How can we respect someone else’s work, if the results of this work are either zero or wait for months? Do not like the salary - change the job, or demand a promotion from the boss! Maybe then you will be raised (although not the fact that you will work better from this), or you will be pushed out, and for a higher salary will be hired someone better. The Russian Post is a monopoly. And it’s not the fault of customers that you’re paying too little, and that’s why you work stupidly. You are so poor, they are screaming at you. And how can you not scream if many people are crashing their plans because of your hideous work? We should be sorry for you, but who will be sorry for us?

[ + 38 - ] Comment quote №71659
 17.10.2012
Rastamaniac (22:55:26 16/10/2012)
When cats are hungry:
O great master, we love you so much! You are the best, the most wonderful! Now we’re going to squeeze you, we’re going to squeeze you, we’re going to make your moustaches, if only you’re happy!

When they are filled:
- Fuck you who's that bigger, and fuck up from our couch >:

[ + 41 - ] Comment quote №71658
 17.10.2012
XXX: I have an idea in my head.
Going off the bridge?
XXX: I want to jump from the tarzanka or as it is called from the bridge shorter

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №71657
 17.10.2012
What do you think about the fact that boys help their girls wear women’s bags?
YYY: I feel good. It is immediately apparent that the man is a sword, your personal
zzz: Definitely a hopic look in a couple where a boy pulls a female bag. I have seen many of these in my hometown. Abbas, a haircut under the jewel, next to the lady is also clear. She walks on the promenade and he carries her bag. The type of man is not just that, but the sword, his own. You can write more on it for a loud effect, so that all the calves in the district know that the man is busy.

[ + 43 - ] Comment quote №71656
 17.10.2012
From Felix Baumgartner’s Twitter:
“I persuade Red Bull to let Justin Bieber break my record. Without a parachute.

JR

[ + 28 - ] Comment quote №71655
 17.10.2012
A letter came to the work mail (response from the warehouse) - rubbed all the office!

sent to:
Who: Warehouse Manager
Posts Tagged: fucking fuck
Text: In stock only 2 models of freezers, you are crazy and there you manage to reassort
HP XX instead of YYY freezer (model) 1pcs
Freezer ZZZ (other model) 1st

Response to Warehouse:

"Fuck the fuck
Vitaly is not allowed.
2 types of freezers
Fuck, and here the side sits.
Peresort I confirm and publicly swear to everyone
I search for the guilty, I shoot, I take it."

On the way to our warehouse poets work, fucking =)))


[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №71654
 17.10.2012
With female flour when choosing cosmetics can be compared only male stupor in the wine department.

[ + 42 - ] Comment quote №71653
 17.10.2012
And have you noticed that the closer the story to the definition of “full... cape”, the more funny it turns out in the future? A long-distance driver told me a similar story. I fully understand that despite the Soviet times, after this story, in the first church found, he put the thickest candle that could only be bought there. Further on behalf of the author.

I drove in the autumn, carrying a fifth from western Ukraine. And although the trailer was stuck under the bandage, it was only 2 tons. And the tractor I have 7 tons and the trailer 7 tons - you can say I go empty, there is no weight. I pass through the crossing and begin to slowly descend. But before the break, the temperature was plus, and after the break already minus. And somehow I did not notice it immediately. Here I see, below, with the motorcycle of Vitsyn, by which Nikulin and Morgunov in the "Caucasian Prisoner" stopped the car, the haishnik mosquitoes, squeezes with a rod, stops me. Well, I start pressing the brakes, and then I realize that the road is covered with ice, and I can’t stop. But everything turned out to be not so bad, I started by pressing the brakes slowly towards the side of the trailer to remove, and as a result, shortly before the hovercraft caught me on the whole side to the snowed slope. He got out of the swarm, which he had already managed to jump into when he saw an approaching... long-range, and approached me. He says, says, no need to go further, very slippery. There will soon be a geological tractor on the hooks, and it will hold me down. I smoked, and the truck came in. A guy sits in the lounge, promising a seamless descent. He grabbed me behind the trailer with a tank wire – his left hook behind my right and we moved slowly down. We go, we go, and here I understand that somehow we are already going. I look in the left mirror, I can’t see the trailer. I look to the right, and he’s standing next to me. And then I begin to understand: I have a fur with a trailer and a load of 16 tons, and this tractor is good if 5. For some time he was relying on his trams, but 16 tons of it was spread side by side at the expense of the diagonal wire. And on the side he turned out to be on skis, and here on these skis he began to overtake me. But I can't let him overtake me, he's stuck with a rope - he can remove my trailer to the side, and then we will have fun. I press the gas, and I start bypassing it. I think I’ll shake a little, maybe I’ll shake it up. I added gas, went around, pulled. He disappeared on the right... on the left began to circle me on the slides. Everything would be fine, but this descent ends with a pretty steep twist and bridge. And right there not to drive, but to fly, and to fly long. But nothing to do, I pull it further, and so left-to-right and back-to-back I move it. The fate was merciful, before the very turn I dropped him so much that he flew into the cove, and I bowed them in the snow and the ground. It was good, I thought the clutch would break. When the car stopped, I was sitting with my back in the front glass, holding the steering wheel with my hands – it threw me out there. There is silence, the birds sing. Well, there are no singing birds there in the winter, but they still sing in the head. I slowly pull out of the cabin and go to the truck. I called the driver several times, but he did not respond. Well, I go up the top, look at him in the lookout, and the fresh snow nearby compared to his face seems quite black. And he can’t talk somehow, only agreeing and cuddling. Well, I removed his rope, thanked him and turned him onto the bridge. And he, it seems, right down the road through the hill dragged into his standing ground - in any case, no long-range he seems to be going down any more.

[ + 55 - ] Comment quote №71652
 17.10.2012
- Vasily Ivanovich, how is "breast" written, through "t" or "d"?
Write it straightforwardly, Petka: “sicks.”
So why did I defend the Sixky revolution?! to

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №71651
 17.10.2012
Yesterday I broke up the roof of a building built by my grandfather.
Father's comment after removing the shiffer:
This roof is not just made of shit, it is made of multi-layer wood.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №71650
 17.10.2012
News on the track:
The company "Kaspersky Lab" is developing an operating system".

...

ColobokShmolobok
The name is LabCASOS.

Karganeth
OSLEC is the operating system of Evgeny Kaspersky Lab.
It sounds!

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №71649
 17.10.2012
Do you know what a curve is?
1: Power without Google
Is this not an ambulance for the curves?
1: I guessed
Does that mean I’m gay?
2 is genius?
2 is late, right?

[ + 33 - ] Comment quote №71648
 17.10.2012
December 21 - it is Friday!That is, a week will have to smell, and by the weekend the world will end!!!It will not start in the morning, but after 6 p.m. Why is there no apocalypse on Mondays???? to

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №71647
 17.10.2012
The country of idiots!
I go to work every day by electric. There were six cars before. People were filled in them like a puddle in a bank. Everyone was naturally upset. They wrote complaints. Since the first day of October, the railroad has increased and added 2 cars. People were delighted at the beginning. But it was not here. The electricity does not fit on the platform. Now the passengers of the first and last wagon have to jump from the stairs straight into the bushes.

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