bezdna.su — the best quotes and jokes from the abyss!



[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117321
 14.08.2015
I saw a sad picture.
A small irrigation machine whose glass is broken
HH: and she is so slowly
What a fool you need to be to ruin these machines!
That you are so right away, by chance.
Maybe someone wanted to commit suicide, did not calculate and fell on the machine.
Zzz: Dialogue of Optimists

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117320
 14.08.2015
In the series Humans, one elderly hero was tried by the state to take his old, moonless robot and replace it with a new one. But the old man stood as he could.
I also have my Opera 12.10.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117319
 14.08.2015
here the finisher complains that she has a toilet in the new apartment installed not on the axis of the room and this is due to the clutch of tiles is visible)
I say a mouth, and you pierce the second spoon on the tiles.
I am scratching, ahah. Are you a lawyer to help?
I: And that is not - I am always lucky to drive with a nail in a new tile under the marble.
She is AHA. And how we family would explain what we were doing on the floor in the bathroom together.
I will honestly answer: I painted the second strip!
) ) )
The tears were wiped, rubbed.

[ + 29 - ] Comment quote №117318
 14.08.2015
We had a joke with the puppy. I played strikeball before. We played a game in the forest with a long route. Approaching the point, they heard someone breaking out of the bushes. The entire crowd, a man of 15, was sharply scattered and prepared for shooting. And then out of the bushes a man with an onion rolls out and sees that the crowd in camouflage holds him on the mush... No scene, curtain)))

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117317
 14.08.2015
Functional Miracles
A: The update needs to be done.
BBB: What is the update?
The 16th year appears in the menu.
BBB: Did they not know he was going to be?
They, when they wrote this shit in the 14th, did not believe that they would live until the 15th.

[ + 16 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117316
 14.08.2015
Women are good that they are so variable... If a woman were constant, the derivative from her would be zero... Why do we have such... Who can’t produce anything...

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117315
 14.08.2015
I know a principally faithful husband who always shouted that marriage is sacred, that he will never betray his wife, etc. But here came a new employee, married, by the way, but exceptionally attractive, candy simply, and all...blinded, twisted and put in bed? Or did he run himself?
Where are your principles?
“I don’t know, I couldn’t withstand it...but it wasn’t a betrayal, I love my wife!
But his wife did not appreciate the strength of his love and filed for divorce.

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117314
 14.08.2015
The international airport. I am in line for registration, people-dark. In front of me stands a huge black man, very tattooed, on his head a clever interwoven of chopsticks, hanged in some kind of clothed bags. Something is quiet. I look at him with interest, but the feeling is pursuing...Inexplicable. I listen, and he whispers the song. from where? How is? What do you know about cognitive dissonance?

[ + 22 - ] [1 Комментарии к цитате] Comment quote №117313
 14.08.2015
Today in Moscow at the Bakuleva Heart Center, when I was paying for the heart’s uzi, I noticed that the room in which the cashier was sitting was very special – the entire desk, six wall shelves and two in the closet were wrapped with different kinds of souvenir turtles, from the size of a finger to the size of Bulgarian pepper, even a computer mouse had the shape and shape of a turtle. I was interested in this, and I asked this treasurer, a man of fifty years, measurable and calm in his speech:
Let me ask you, are these all your turtles?
All of mine.
Why are they so many?
They are all different. If they were all the same...and they were all different.

I was in admiration. That was the most sensible answer that could be given to my question. Despite the fact that I don’t see any sense in accumulating a large number of identical objects, I felt there was something in it, there might be some sense in it, that it wasn’t just so.

[ + 22 - ] Comment quote №117312
 14.08.2015
I came back yesterday from work, at work deadline, all that sleepy and tired, all night code of rules, I hear the conversation of grandmother with granddaughter
Why is my uncle so upset?
Don’t look at him, he’s a narcissist!

[ + 21 - ] Comment quote №117311
 14.08.2015
By the way, I understand very well why the Stark fell first. Because, imagine, all people are like people. This is normal Middle Ages. Wear a collar, drink wine, take a fortress, kill the enemy and n.a.s.r.a. in his skull. Targaryens are blood, shashlies! Barateons are not swords, so write. Lannister, we will pay you. The vineyard flows, the blood sheds, the b.a.b.s are naked and very naked, dragons, wolves, zombies, all the e.b.u.t.s.a, everyone has fun. And in the midst of all this, the Starks are sitting and shouting from the balcony like patties-killers - Vadik, Vadik, put on a hat, winter is near!

[ + 27 - ] Comment quote №117310
 14.08.2015
Listen, Serge, I can’t understand one thing. How did Mikhailich live up to his age with his sense of humor?
Wow, what happened to that?
In short, he spent the past weekend with him on the facade of Lech and invited two others, to repair the straw, to steam in the bowl, to burn meat, and to drink self-sufficiently. In general, it was repaired, steamed, burned, the same nights used a lot. Here Mikhailic and asked, you know, from what is the selfie? of the shit.
Oh no, I’m not myself! And what?
Well, they laugh, like Mikhalych, what do you think we "The Soldier Ivan Chonkin" don’t know? Two kilograms of sugar per kilogram?
Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah He brought them to the summer kitchen, pulled them out, opened them and showed them. And in the bidon... Something red, brown pieces of characteristic shape, rings bubble. And the smell, let’s say directly, is not the ocean breeze... Leha grit, from it right there the whole self and flew out.
WOW, they didn’t go there?
XXX is not. Mikhalych ran from them for three hours through the gardens and spoke: "Mujikiya! It is from sheep! In the nature of turmeric! This is my grandfather’s recipe!"

[ + 25 - ] Comment quote №117309
 14.08.2015
On the site of the weather settled Captain Evidence. There is a clarification in the forecast:
Careful - you may feel tired if you are outdoors for a long time and engage in physical work.

[ + 23 - ] Comment quote №117308
 14.08.2015
From the category "you will not invent"
I had the following conversation on Skype:

What problems do we have with the task at the moment?
I open the task, highlight my answer and copy, then insert Skype and send it immediately.
Violation of sexual function (delayed ejaculation, reduced potency)

because before that I read the sideways to one antidepressant and shared the most striking, in another skype, and apparently did not reach C.
The deadline of the task has increased :D

[ + 26 - ] Comment quote №117307
 14.08.2015
XXX: I watched a McDack TV advertisement. Say, so far I am in the box office, but when I grow up I will be working as a big financier) Who will tell me what a professional is a big financier?

YYY: Well, in short, you arrange something like an accountant in some office and you start to actively stress with sweets and in five years - you are a big financier.

[ + 30 - ] Comment quote №117306
 14.08.2015
Spam has arrived to the mail "Do you want to quickly break the bag without investments?". It would be nothing, but the name of the sender of the Raskolnikov somehow made me think.

[ + 18 - ] Comment quote №117305
 14.08.2015
After reading the book, a thought settled in your head, and then what is your problem with asceticism?

[ + 19 - ] Comment quote №117304
 14.08.2015
Publication of the "Culture"

by Konstantin Mzaareulov:
There was an article of some candidate of science who stated that the term goods fiction is Scientology fiction, that is, something very bad.
Cute newspaper

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117303
 14.08.2015
Fans of the rings, are you adequate? If a man consciously goes to the left in the presence of a spouse (s), then the ring is for him - fi. Before "forgotten" I took it off and put it in my pocket. If a person consciously does not want leftist novels, even simply cohabiting and not having rings at all, he will refuse.
They are living people with their heads and the decision about betrayal is made by them, not the rings for them.
As little children, to God.
It is not rings that make man.

[ + 24 - ] Comment quote №117302
 14.08.2015
Everyone is running Wikipedia.
And I 5-7 years ago, when I met a girl, I told about myself some nonsense and I wrote them on Wikipedia in various articles. Give the girl a reference - Profit.
Now the publications go only after inspection?)

The best quotes and jokes from the bezdna